|
|
Post by Ryan Alexander on Jul 16, 2010 16:38:46 GMT -5
Ryan siezed up as Ithica pulled away. He lowered his gaze to the ground, and couldn't help but feel like crap.
"Stupid...stupid...stupid, so very stupid..." he thought to himself. How could he be so dumb to think that a kiss could win him what he wanted? How could be be so idiotic to think that he was actually remotely worthy of affection?
"You didn't like me like that before I told you I was with someone..."
Ithica's words echoed into his mind, like a razor they seemed to cut him.
"No...Ithica it's not like that. It's not like that at all..." he blurted out, part shocked and part frustrated. How could Ithica think that? How could Ithica think it was a case of jealousy, a case of well somebody else has something so I want it. It wasn't that at all.
Ryan shook his head and grabbed Ithica's arm gently. He just had to make him see, he just had to.
"Ithica..it's not that at all I swear. I felt this way....for awhile. But I didn't think that I had a chance in hell" he said, as tears formed in his eyes.
"I thought you were straight....I thought you could never love somebody like me" he paused and looked into Ithica's eyes, his own eyes pleading for his friend to understand; pleading for him to not be mad.
"I just didn't know how to say it...or what to do except what I just did. The thought of losing you hurts so much...I don't want to lose you. This is all so confusing...I'm sorry, Ithi..."
|
|
|
|
Post by Ithica Pettineo on Jul 16, 2010 17:43:45 GMT -5
"I didn't mean for it to sound like that." Ithica looked down at his hands and started to scratch the skin off. He couldn't look at Ryan when he felt so icky. He had done the very thing he had promised never to do. He had hurt him. It made him just like every other person Ryan's life, and that was a thought that hurt the demon. He wished he could go back to two months ago - his life had been beautifully simple.
When Ryan grabbed his arm he forced himself to look up. He didn't know what to do - he had never read anything that taught him how to prepare for love confessions and how to get rid of the guilt, the anxiety, and the fear that came with them. Aw man, and Ryan was going to cry. Ithi never did well with tears - especially when they were caused by him. When was the last time he made a person cry? He didn't know. He didn't seem to know right now.
"Oh." He said quietly, because that's all he could think of saying. The two main emotions tugging at his chest were regret and fear. He regretted ever saying anything about Aaran (he had promised not to...) and he was afraid of... well, this. Everything that was happening to him. He was terrified at the moment, and it was growing exceedingly hard not to just jump up and flee.
He was vaguely listening to Ryan as he contemplated possible escape routes. His eidetic memory had melted along with the rest of his brain it seemed because he couldn't even pull up the simplest of maps to plot out such an escape. He raised his eyebrows as the other boy apologized. Thoughts of escape drifted out of his mind and he tilted his head.
"You're not going to lose me. I promised we'd always be friends." Ithica didn't seem to be keeping up with his promises lately. He wiped his eyes stubbornly, not wanting to cry. What kind of Pettineo was he if he couldn't make a promise and keep it? "But I guess that doesn't mean much anymore." He muttered bitterly. He licked his lips and pushed back the negative emotions again.
Ithica smiled. "We should go get food. I'm starving!" It was an exaggeration to be sure since demons can't starve. And it had only been five hours since Ithica last had something to eat. "And maybe we'll both feel better after we've eaten." He wondered if it sounded like he was just trying to switch the subject. That was most definitely what his goal was, but he didn't want it to be obvious.
"You don't have to apologize. It's just a matter of time before the world falls in love with Ithica Pettineo." He grinned playfully and stood up, offering a hand to help Ryan up. "I'm fantastic! And not bad on the eyes either." All right, so maybe he was just a little egotistical, but he figured after such a night of self-doubt and torment he could do with a bit of inflated ego.
|
|
|
|
Post by Ryan Alexander on Jul 17, 2010 1:57:52 GMT -5
Ryan shook his head. He didn't quite know where to go from the place he had put himself. On one hand a weight was lifted off of him, finally having admitted his true feelings; after quite awhile. Yet another weight equally as heavy and scary replaced it, and he didn't know why. He didn't know if Ithica could ever see him like he wanted to be seen, nor did he know if he would ever be worthy of being loved.
"Ithica..." Ryan began, his eyes darting, searching to match his mind; trying to find the words that would make the half-demon in front of him understand. In that moment, he didn't know if any words could capture what he wanted, or even if they could compare to describe what Ithica meant to him. The situation was beginning to take it's toll on him, he didn't want to not know anymore; he just had to.
Ryan felt the distant flare of energy as he touched the familiar essence of his power; his empathy. He let it flow outwards and mingle with Ithica's energy. Before he could get a reading, he was thrown backwards off of the chair he was sitting on. He felt like he was hit with an invisible hammer, some sort of weird power interacted with his own and it had thrown him out. Surely it was due to the sickness he had caught from God knows where, but it caused his empathy to backfire; causing Ithica to feel exactly what he (Ryan) felt.
"Anger. Pain. Sadness. Regret. Bitterness"
"How could I lose him?
How could somebody else take him from me?
What do they have that I don't?
I should have told him sooner...maybe I'd have him now...
I hate myself for letting this happen..."
Like a torrent of water through a cracked dam, the thoughts of Ryan poured into Ithica and filled him up.
|
|
|
|
Post by Ithica Pettineo on Jul 17, 2010 2:32:13 GMT -5
No food? Ithica sighed with disappointment. He was really hungry, and if only he could stuff some food into Ryan maybe then he wouldn't be so sad. Food helped the demon better, so it'd help others, right? Of course it wasn't the time to be thinking of food. It was the time to be sympathetic Ithica, the Ithica that people came to for cheering up. But that was ridiculous since people didn't go to Ithica for advice. Ithica was the last person on everybody's list for advice because he was too light-hearted to take things seriously. He shifted uncomfortably, not wanting to be in this situation. He wanted to be snuggled up in his bed with his stuffed animal and Rosie. He wanted to be safe and warm in his bed, not cold and insecure outside.
"Ryan?" Ithica prompted, his eyebrows raising as Ryan the boy said his name. When people did that he knew that it was because something bad was about to happen. Either they were searching for the words to tell him of the terrible news, or they had already told him the news and his brain was lagging. Ryan, however, looked like he was on the verge of dying. Which must mean he was using his powers. Ithi didn't know whether or not to chide Ryan - after all, the boy had known it would hurt because of whatever problem he was having with his gift - or to comfort him and pat his back. Or perhaps he could be angry over the fact that Ryan had been about to delve into his emotions. Of course Ithi was used to that happening because of his father (the older Pettineo was a telepath as well as an empath. Wasn't that just a barrel of fun?) so he really wouldn't have been angry.
What Ithica was feeling, however, was an incredible amount of pain. It had started off mildly. It had been like someone was squeezing his temples, giving him a sort of numb light-headedness. And then they suddenly put the wrong kind of pressure, and Ithica thought he was going explode, or possibly implode. Maybe both at the same time. He leaned against the building and rested his hand against his head, trying not to make his pain obvious. But Ithi had never been stoic, and he was on the verge of tears. Emotions were tearing through him; the emotions he often hid down deep in the cochles of his heart. But these were ripping him apart - a current of every unpleasant thing the demon had felt in his life all rolled into one.
He hadn't felt them since his mother had left. Ithica had been angry at her for deserting him. What was a boy without his mother? The pain he experienced when his father told him to stop talking about his mother. The pain he felt when he stared at the porcelain dolls and just knew she wasn't coming back. The sadness that consumed on occasion when he heard people complaining about their mother; the longing for any sort of mother had a tendency to turn Ithica into a bitter old demon. The regret that he hadn't pleaded with her. It was his birthday, couldn't she have waited just a day longer? Then the next day he would have pleaded for her to take him with her. Bitterness. The thing that was gnawing at Ithica's insides recently.
But these emotions that he felt about his mother, they weren't anything compared what he was feeling now. His legs wobbled and he fought the urge to collapse and curl into a ball. Why did it have to hurt so much? "Stop..." He whispered, pressing his hands against his ears as though it would stop the onslaught of misery. The tears tasted as bitter as they felt leaking out. "It hurts..." That had been what he wanted, wasn't it? To feel Ryan's misery and take it for himself? And then Ryan could take his happiness. Just earlier that night, but now he regretted every feeling like that. He didn't know how a soul could hold so much sorrow without being shattered completely. His hands slid from his ears to cover his face. All of Ryan's emotions were coiling around him and tearing him to bits, but now his own shame rose from his chest.
How could he cause someone this much pain? "I didn't mean to..." Ithica whispered. What sort of pathetic excuse was that? He was a terrible person. The demon prided himself on trying to be the nicest person he could be, but how kind could someone be if they inflicted this amount of pain? How nice could someone be if they didn't know how to reverse the pain they had caused? He couldn't just love Ryan any more than he already did because he loved Aaran. He couldn't just leave Ryan because that would hurt more. Both of his options went against his moral standings. "I'm sorry." Apologies didn't mean much but Ithi found himself clinging to his remorse. It hurt. Everything hurt, and it was his own fault that they were both so miserable.
|
|
|
|
Post by Ryan Alexander on Jul 17, 2010 2:54:08 GMT -5
Ryan grabbed his head as he looked himself over. He got off the ground and rubbed his head softly, it felt distant and not quite all there as if it were floating above where it should be. He could feel something like a rope tugging at his head, and as he looked to where it pulled he gasped out in shock.
Ithica was almost crying, actually speaking out in pain as the half-demon clutched his own head; and Ryan gasped in shock.
"Oh my god..." was all he could say, as he looked at the pain that he had unintentionally caused his friend, perhaps his best friend, or even his only friend in the world.
It had all made sense at that very moment to him. Why he wasn't feeling the pain he had felt a few moments ago, why he felt so free, so liberated. It was because the sickness had reversed his power so to speak. Instead of showing him what Ithica was thinking, his power had transferred all of his emotions onto him; leaving him (Ryan) a blank slate.
Ryan was at a loss on what to do. He didn't know how to reverse it, nor did he believe he could even if he knew how. It was all so confusing, and he didn't know what to make of what was happening. Deep down, a part of him didn't want to take the pain back...didn't want to submit himself to the constant torture that he was faced with every waking moment. Part of him just wanted to leave it all behind, like an old tissue or a piece of garbage.
"I could be free forever...I could really be free...."
Ryan looked down at Ithica. The half-demon was in pain, almost scratching into his own head. He couldn't just leave his friend like that, not just couldn't, wouldn't. Ryan could never leave somebody that cared about him so much, in a realm of misery and agony; let alone Ithica, whom he truly loved. He took a deep breath, knowing full well what he was giving up, and what he had to do in order to make things right.
"Ithica...this is my private hell. You don't have to live there..." he said softly, bracing himself.
Thinking only of his love for Ithica, Ryan pulled back on the mental rope that was his emotions. He beckoned them back into his mind, willed them to rejoin their proper place. His energy screamed out and demanded that they return to where they belong, to his mind.
Ryan screamed as all the emotions, thoughts, and bad feelings slammed back into his mind, obliterating the peace that had once been there. As he pulled the last feeling from Ithica's head, he smiled in triumph as his mind (and Ithica's) were returned to what they once were. He fell backwards gracefully from the rush of power, landing on his back; blood trickling down from his mouth.
|
|
|
|
Post by Ithica Pettineo on Jul 17, 2010 3:36:45 GMT -5
Ithica hated himself. He wanted the pain gone, but the uncertainty that crossed Ryan's face struck him. He deserved it more than Ryan, didn't he? He certainly was the one that caused it. So why shouldn't he be the one to feel the repercussions? Why shouldn't he be the one to ache? But he couldn't handle it, and he had pretty good idea that they both knew that. Ithica was used to happiness not the hellish emotions that were tearing him bit by bit. He felt selfish for not wanting the pain; he knew he was selfish. He knew that he'd break if he had to deal for that any longer. He knew that he didn't want Ryan to feel like that. Couldn't he push his emotions out on some homeless guy that was going to die anyway?
Then it was gone. Well - Ryan's emotions were gone. Ithica was still left with his confusion, his anger, and his remorseful shame. A brief surge of relief and happiness fluttered in his chest before it was crushed by the thoughts that just because he couldn't feel those feelings didn't mean that they didn't exist. Ryan was still feeling those things. And Ithica still couldn't help him. He could, but not if he wanted to remain a morally-upstanding not-cheaterific Ithica. Private hell. Who knew Hell was such a cold place? His mind drifted off to a book he had read at one point in his life. The coldest point of hell was reserved for the traitors. It was reserved for Ithica.
He had betrayed his friend.
And now his friend was feeling things that nobody should have to. He sat down beside Ryan and put the boy's head on his lap. He didn't know what to do about the blood; he didn't know whether he should panic. He wiped at it curiously. His father had told him that blood was one of the top three most disgusting things that came out of a human being and should never be touched willingly. That was why his father would most likely keel over at the sight of Ithica licking the blood off his finger. Ithi instantly regretted it because it tasted... not good. Like sadness and despair and metal and the gross side of a battery. He wanted to say something comforting. He wanted to tell Ryan that his blood tasted worse than broccoli. He wanted to see a happy smile.
"Ryan?" Ithica ran his fingers through the boy's hair, wanting to relax him without... overstepping boundaries. He didn't know how to handle the situation. He wanted to hug Ryan tightly and kiss his forehead, but after learning about the feelings the other harbored towards him, it would be awkward for both of them. He wasn't even sure why he had said his name. He had no clue what he wanted to say. You deserve better? This is awkward? "You should go into a mental hospital and push those feelings on someone. They're already crazy." His mind still felt hollow from the raw emotion he had felt earlier. His kind switch was still turned off.
"I just don't want you to feel that stuff. Not over me. I don't deserve it."
|
|
|
|
Post by Ryan Alexander on Jul 21, 2010 1:28:51 GMT -5
Ryan woke up in Ithica's arms, the amount of power he had to use to switch their emotions back tied with the amount of pain that he had to endure to use his powers at all, took a toll on him. He looked at Ithica weakly and smiled.
"I did it all for you. The pain, the switching back...I took it all back. No matter what you could ever do to me, wouldn't make me love you less..." he said softly, struggling to maintain that smile through the intense, and mind-splittingly agony of the headache that he was now feeling.
"Maybe he'll see how much I care about him...and realize that he could feel the same way about me one day..." Ryan thought to himself hopefully, as the half-demon cradled him in his arms like a baby, or a wounded puppy. In a sense he was a wounded puppy, he was Ithica's wounded puppy. No amount of force in the would could keep him from following Ithica home, nothing at all.
"Ithica please don't say that!" Ryan shouted, in spite of his condition.
"I want to feel this way about you...it's nothing I can control, nor would I if I could. I love you. I love you more than you'll ever know...probably more than anybody ever could....I wish you'd see that..." he said, his voice going normal.
"Why can't you see that?"
|
|
|
|
Post by Ithica Pettineo on Jul 21, 2010 1:55:27 GMT -5
Ithica felt like a terrible person at the moment, and nothing Ryan said was going to make him feel any better. He had caused that much pain. And Ryan was still insisting that he loved Ithica? Ithica wasn't sure if he had ever felt love before if that was it. He certainly didn't feel that much agonizing pain when he thought of Aaran. He sighed, suddenly not wanting to be in such close proximity.
"Nothing, huh?" He asked, tilting his head back to look up at the sky. "I'm pretty sure I could do things that would make you stop loving me." Ithica glanced down at him, smirking. "I can't help but think you're being an idiot," the demon said softly. The last thing Ithi wanted to do was make Ryan feel one more unpleasant thing, but he just didn't understand. "I... how could you love someone like me?"
Ithi looked back up at the sky as Ryan shouted at him. "I can't see an emotion." He said simply, a cheeky grin spreading on his face. "Maybe that's just an empath thing." He would have left it at that if this were a normal situation. But it wasn't. Nothing about this was normal. "What I felt... that wasn't pleasant. If that's love then I'm sorry. I don't see why you could want something like that."
Masochists.
That's what people in love were. Ithica shifted uncomfortably. Ryan was being an awful like a puppy - loving, clingy, and... adorable. But Ithica was a cat - fickle, moody, and just generally volatile. "Ryan." He kissed the boy's forehead and sighed. "I'm sorry." How could he ever apologize enough? How could his apologies even come close to making the pain that Ithica dealt out being okay?
|
|
|
|
Post by Ryan Alexander on Jul 21, 2010 21:33:04 GMT -5
Ryan sighed. He had no clue how to make Ithica see the truth of what he wanted, and how he felt. He didn't know where to begin, simply because he didn't have a chance before to be in a healthy relationship...he was hoping that Ithica would have been the first one to give him that.
"No Ithica...that wasn't what love felt like. That's what it feels like to be denied the one you love. To be denied the one thing that feels right in a world of wrong..." he said, as tears formed in his eyes; though stubbornly he held them back.
"It's what it feels like to dream about something for almost your entire life, sixteen years; and have it just disappear forever. What it's like to wish upon a star and have the star laugh at you and tell you that you won't get your wish granted..." he shook his head stubbornly, as if refusing to cry. But damn it, why did the tears have to burn and sting so much?
"Ithica...you're what I wished for when I blew out the candles on my birthday cake each year..." he paused again, grabbing his friend's arm gently.
"I need you..."
|
|
|
|
Post by Ithica Pettineo on Jul 21, 2010 22:11:01 GMT -5
What was he supposed to say to that? He couldn't just leave now. It was more than just that Ithi was too nice now. It was that he doubted he was physically able to leave. But the feelings dwelling inside of him weren't fantastic. The logical side of his mind was screaming out that he had Aaran. The logical side of his mind was screaming out that he couldn't help Ryan. His mind was screaming. And so was his heart.
"Don't." He whispered, pushing Ryan gently off him. I need you. Ithica pulled his legs to his chest and hid his face. He wanted to run away, but his legs just stayed still. "I love him." Ithica wished Ryan hadn't said anything. He wished that Ryan hadn't forced him to talk about Aaran. All the insecurity and doubt could have been avoided if he had just kept his promise to his boyfriend. What kind of person was he now if he was breaking promises?
He didn't love Ryan. It was just pity coiling in his stomach. Nothing else. Certainly not love. But Ryan certainly wanted Ithica to love him. Ithica had never been good at turning people down -- although it had never happened romantically. He just had trouble saying 'no' in general. He was a terrible person. He was such a terrible, terrible morally ugly filthy half-demon.
Why couldn't anyone just cut him some slack? Just because he was normally happy didn't give people permission to throw their troubles and confuse the hell out of him, did it? "We only just met..." It was a weak arguement. It was his one last flimsy shield. "So how do you know I'm all you think I am?"
|
|
|
|
Post by Ryan Alexander on Jul 21, 2010 23:00:35 GMT -5
Ryan's face fell at the body language that Ithica was giving off. Had he been stupid to think that if Ithica knew how he felt that he would get him? Had he been niave to think that maybe, just maybe, somebody could ever fathom up the emotion to love him?
"No...no...no..."
He couldn't think of it. He was having troubles keeping his breath even, he was worried; distraught, he didn't understand what to do or how to do it. It seemed like what he wanted most was evading him.
"Ithica..." Ryan began, his voice worried, his skin going even more pale from exhaustion.
"We've known each other for a couple of months so far...enough for me to form a basis of opinion about you...enough for me to form feelings and grow something..." he said softly, still refusing to cry.
"You're everything I could have ever wanted in somebody. Loving, caring, dense.." he said, adding a smile onto the last word. Ithica wasn't really dense, only in the ways of emotional stuff like this, and he felt bad at putting the half-demon through all of it.
"It's like a spark is burning my soul....my heart. I just want to dig it out...just take it out so I can never feel it burn me again..."
He paused as he reached into his shirt and ran his nails across his chest, digging in; leaving angry red lines in their wake.
"I want to forget how I feel...but I can't. This all isn't fair. I saw you first..." he said angrily, his eyes darting to the sky. It was a childish response and Ryan knew that, but it was all he could think of to say why he deserved Ithica more than anybody else.
"I saw you first....."
|
|
|
|
Post by Ithica Pettineo on Jul 21, 2010 23:44:09 GMT -5
Dense. The corners of Ithi's mouth twitched upwards. He was pretty idiotic - especially when it came to...feelings. "Why would you want a dense person, silly?" He asked softly, turning his gaze anywhere except Ryan. He didn't know why he was asking that question out of the thousands that were slamming against mind. But Ithica not knowing something was becoming a frequent occurence. And it was annoying.
It took a moment for him to realize what was happening. He had heard Ryan's words, and saw the boy's hands lift. He finally put the two things together and looked over. He wasn't quite sure how to go about this - he could reach up into the shirt and pull out the hands. Ithi put his hands on Ryan's shoulders. "Don't do that. Please." He wished he could just phase through the street and fall through the Earth.
Wait - was Ryan getting mad at Aaran? It would make sense for Ryan to be angry at the person that Ithica was in love with. That didn't make it okay. His eyes narrowed and he let go of Ryan's shoulders. "I fell in love with him first," He replied coldly. That would imply that Ithica loved Ryan, wouldn't it? Ithica stood up and started pacing. It wasn't possible for him to have fallen in love with Ryan. It was just a ridiculous thought. No. Ithi just didn't want to hurt him. Right? Right.
He wanted something to take his anger out on. He needed something, or else Ryan was going to become Ithi's punching bag. And Ryan had just the right personality to believe that it was his fault, didn't he? Ithica leaned against the building, muttering something about how he had offered for them to go eat and how he would feel so much better if he was chewing churros right now. He tapped his fingers against the brick.
Ithica wasn't fond of the anger burning him up from the inside. He didn't like the way his skin felt like it was melting, and he certainly didn't like the way his heart was hammering against his ribcage. He pushed himself away from the building and stared at Ryan with his head tilted to the side. He didn't like the homicidal intent that made him want to wrap his fingers around the boy's neck. It scared him to think like that. It terrified him to think that he could still get that angry. The last time he felt remotely close to this was when his aunt was talking about his mother. She had ended up... well, Ithi preferred not to think of it.
"I need to go." The demon muttered.
|
|
|
|
Post by Ryan Alexander on Jul 24, 2010 0:20:11 GMT -5
Ryan flinched when Ithica took his hands off of his (Ryan's) shoulders. He didn't want Ithica to leave, nor did he really want to be alone. He hated being alone, hated the thoughts that it brought him...hated the sinking feeling that it left inside of his chest; it burned him.
"Please don't go...please..." he said desperately, getting up and standing in front of Ithica.
"You can't just leave....not like this. Not mad at me or whatever. It's just not fair....!" his voice got higher with every word, emotions filling him to the brim like water into a cup, it weighed him down; grounded him.
Ryan refused to let it turn out like this, refused to let it happen. He couldn't bear the thought of Ithica hating him, or turning his back on him. He had come to rely on Ithica being there for him, like a shirt that you had for years that you know you look awesome in when you wear it, he had grown acustomed to having Ithica there with him.
"Ithica...I can't just walk away from this, so it's not fair that you get to. I love you. No matter how many times I admit that or say it, won't change the fact that I should have told you sooner...but I needed time to make sure..." he said softly, taking a second to catch his breath. Everything was going too fast, it was like he was going in slow motion and everything else was spinning quickly around him.
"Don't you get it? I can't make this go away no matter how much I want to...I keep on closing my eyes hoping that it will all just disappear, but it doesn't...and it won't. How I feel about you will never go away, so why do you get to walk away from it?" Ryan asked him desperately, pacing back and forth.
"You promised that you would never leave me....never abandon me. Now it seems like you're doing it right when I need you the most, just like everybody else does"
His mind flashed back to his mother and the kid Aaron. They were the most predominant abusers in his life, but there were more; many more.
"Sarah: the girl who had stolen all of his school books and supplies"
"James: the kid who pushed him into lockers, Aaron's best friend"
"His father, who left and never came back"
"His uncle, his mother's brother who commented on how weak and helpless he was"
His mind couldn't handle the thought that Ithica would join the ranks of the people who harmed him, the people who couldn't care less what happened to him. No, Ithica was different.
"You told me that you loved me once...whether it was truth or not, you said it...and I believed you. I believed in you, because you were the only thing that was real to me in a sea of lies, I believed in you. You my happy ending...I wanted you to be my fairy tale" he told Ithica, with pleading eyes; practically willing him to find something inside of himself in which he could ever love Ryan.
Feeling desperate, he had nothing else left to say that would mean anything to Ithica, except one thing; "Even if you did love him first...he lied to you. I never lied to you...I would never lie to you...because I love you.."
|
|
|
|
Post by Ithica Pettineo on Jul 24, 2010 1:06:50 GMT -5
Ithica stared down at the ground as Ryan ranted. He debated just stepping to the side and running as fast as he could. After years of being bullied in primary school he had learned to run quickly. Especially when afraid; and Ithi was afraid at the moment. He was afraid of the things he was feeling - they weren't his fault, were they? Ryan was just really good at guilt tripping.
"I'm not... mad at you. I don't think." The half-demon sighed, growing more and more uncertain about his emotions by the moment. He had been on the verge of throttling Ryan just moments ago, but now all he felt was the urge to crawl into his closet and die. He was tired. He was hungry. He was emotionally unavailable at the moment. Please call again later. Thanks. "I actually wasn't planning on walking away." He amended, rocking on his heels. "I was going to run."
As Ryan asked if he got it - a word that he was really starting to hate - Ithi shook his head. It seemed like a rhetorical question, but the point still stood that Ithica knew next to nothing about things of this nature. And when reminded of his promise, the demon squirmed. He had already broken one promise tonight - what was the harm in breaking another? "I..." Don't have anything to say that. Ryan's words had chilled him. Ithi had always wanted to remain the person that did good for Ryan, and now it was being implied that he was turning out like the other people.
"Of course I meant it." Ithi crossed his arms and kicked at the ground grumpily. He bit his lip and decided that being grumpy wasn't the best way to go. "Ryan, I..." He couldn't find an accurate word to convey his emotions. "Nergh." He covered his face. Ryan was really determined on making him feel every emotion in the proverbial book, wasn't he? "Don't talk about him like that. He only lied because he had to." Ithica argued. He lowered his hands and leaned against a building.
"I can't love two people like this. It hurts too much." But he did love two people, didn't he? Which made him... morally ugly. Ithica wasn't used to his heart being tugged like this. "I'm a terrible person. I'm sorry, I really am." He was not looking forward to telling Aaran about this. Not at all. But he'd have to. It'd be gnawing at his insides. Not like this wasn't going to stop hurting once he told Aaran about it. Really it was just a lose-lose situation for his relationship. And that was just so fantastic.
|
|
|
|
Post by Ryan Alexander on Jul 24, 2010 1:51:33 GMT -5
Ryan's stomach was turning. He hated making Ithica feel like he did, and hated that Ithica was so very conflicted. He didn't like seeing somebody whom he felt such strong feelings for suffering, nor did he like to be the cause of said suffering; but it was something that was unavoidable.
"You're right...I'm sorry. I don't want to insult him. But I cannot deny that I am angry with him...because somebody who could lie to you, doesn't deserve you. You're friggen special Ithica, and I thought I was the only one to see that....I wanted to be the one to make you see exactly how special you are"
Ryan kicked a stone on the ground. "This sucks..." he thought to himself. How ever could he capture Ithica's heart when his mind seemed partially if not mostly set on this mysterious guy. It wasn't fair, after all; he (Ryan) deserved Ithica more didn't he? He loved Ithica more, and could devote his whole life to making Ithica happy...the other guy, he wasn't too sure would devote the same amount of love and focus on Ithica, nor did he want to wait and find out.
Ryan's heart fluttered when he heard Ithica speak.
"I can't love two people like this. It hurts too much"
His mind could hardly believe his ears, could it be true? He had to find out. His stomach rumbled loudly, he was hungry. He hadn't eaten in almost two days, but even with the hunger pain he had to find out the truth.
"Ithica...I want us to go get something to eat, I'm starving. But first please tell me if what you said was true....please, I have to know. Do you really love me?"
|
|
