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Post by Ithica Pettineo on Jul 7, 2010 2:57:42 GMT -5
This was highly uncomfortable for the half-demon. He repressed his emotions desperately, not wanting Ryan to get the idea that he didn't want to hear about his past. Ithica couldn't stand the look of pain and despair on the other boy's face knowing that he couldn't do anything about it. He rubbed his hands together nervously. He couldn't just ignore what was being said and keep on being happy normal Ithica.
He couldn't just offer Ryan a pastry, or a jellybean, or a smile and expect him to be okay. Ithi mulled over his words, his choice responses varying from 'well give yourself time' to 'do you want me to kill him'. "You can't just pretend it never happened," Ithi murmured awkwardly. "What you went through wasn't like scraping your knee. You have to..." He paused, trying to search for the right words. "You have to forgive yourself, because you're the only one blaming yourself." They weren't words of wisdom, but it was as much as Ithica could muster in his sleep-hazed mind.
Lost the idea someone could love? Lost himself? Ithica would never understand these words. He had often encountered times where he felt pathetic and useless, but he had never lost faith completely. "What?" He asked curiously.
Ithica patted his back gently, refraining from coughing out from the squishing of his ribs. He returned the hug and listened to the rest of what Ryan to say. His feeling of inadequacy came rushing back to the surface as he said what Ithica often thought. Dirty. He glared down at his own sore hands bitterly. Demons were dirty. Not humans. "People can love you, and you aren't dirty." He insisted.
He shifted that so they were facing each other. "I love you. You're my friend." He smiled and looked up at the sky. "If anybody ever hurts you, Ryan, they'll have a very angry demon to deal with." Ithica looked back at Ryan. "How can I help you? I don't know how to make things better, or how to make your pain go away. I want to." He knew that there wasn't a magical quick-fix for it, but it couldn't hurt to ask if there was something specific he could do. Could it?
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Post by Ryan Alexander on Jul 14, 2010 19:04:21 GMT -5
Ryan shook his head. Ithica was so nice, so kind, so caring. He knew that there was nothing really that Ithica could do, beside what he already was doing.
"No Ithica...it's fine. You're doing a good job. You're healing some of the pain, simply by being here for me" he said, a small smile appearing on his face, even with the tears.
Distantly he felt the anger still on the surface of him, like a wave in the ocean. He closed his eyes and let the pain and hurt recede back down inside of himself.
"Ithica really is a God send. All he's been doing for me, how he's been here for me...I couldn't find better in a friend" he thought to himself, and the smile on his face got a bit brighter.
"I just wish I can make all of the pain go away...just disappear from me. That would make me feel so much better. I just can't shake the feeling...the hurt..." he said softly, and as the anger surfaced again, he subconsciously flicked his hand. As his hand moved, so did a box that was on the side of the street. It moved and smashed into a brick wall; and as it hit the wall, Ryan screamed.
He fell to his knees clutching his head. Pain was all he could feel, extreme pain, burning agony.
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Post by Ithica Pettineo on Jul 14, 2010 19:45:06 GMT -5
A triumphant smile crossed the demon's face as Ryan told him that he was doing a good job. Even though he knew that he was doing the best he could, Ithica still felt that he was coming up short. If he only had his father's gifts he could help more. But instead he was stuck with his worthless words and useless gift and a terrible trait. The smile faltered for a moment, but he occupied himself with wiping the tears off of Ryan's face.
I just wish I can make all the pain go away...
Ithi's smile left and he chewed on his index finger until he tasted his legion or whatever it was. How pathetic was it he didn't even know his own anatomy? He had never bothered to ask someone who might know because he had no idea who would. "I think everyone wishes that." Ithica nodded, too tired to force a smile on his face. What good were his smiles when someone was hurting like that?
"I wish you weren't so nice," Ithica grinned. "Because then you could push all of your hurt and pain on me, couldn't you? And then you could take some of my happy." He wouldn't mind, but he felt that Ryan had better turn mean quickly if he were going to at all, because he wasn't sure how much happiness he had left.
He was about to suggest getting something to eat because the half-demon, as always, was on the verge of proverbially starving to his proverbial death, when something moved across the street and scream. It took him a moment to realize that it was not the box that screamed (he could bring things to life and knew very well that boxes were crybabies that would scream if you poked them), but the person he was supposed to be comforting.
Ithi stepped backwards out of habit. He couldn't deal with psychological pain, so how was he supposed to deal with medical pains? Unless this wasn't a medical pain.. or.. or what if it was so psychological it was medical? He looked around hopefully, almost as if he were expecting some guy with a stethoscope to be waltzing down the street.
He patted Ryan's head gently. "I have Advil..." He offered quietly. Right. Like an Advil was going to help whatever agony Ryan felt. Ithica could be downright stupid. "Uhm, or I could... take you to a hospital... or my dorm or something." Not his dorm. Anywhere except his dorm. It would be the third time he took an unconscious (or nearly unconscious) person to his room. He was such a creep...
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Post by Ryan Alexander on Jul 14, 2010 23:26:33 GMT -5
Ryan tried to stabilize himself, tears found themselves in his eyes as the pain took over him. He wished, and prayed for a break; for the pain to subside but it seemed to refuse, it seemed to scream at him in bitter agony.
After what seemed like forever, an eternity, the pain finally faded away; leaving him shocked and confused.
"What just happened? This never happened when I used my powers before...what's going on?" he asked himself, as he got off the ground gingerly; partially scared the pain would come back.
"No...I'm fine Ithica. It was triggered by me using my powers....but I don't know why..." he said. His voice didn't quite capture it as well as his eyes did, but he was lost.
"But apparently it means that I cannot use my powers without feeling extreme pain...oh great..."
Ryan sighed angrily. "Fate really seems to be handing me a crappy hand in life..."
He paced absentmindedly for a few minutes, and kicked a rock that was on the ground.
"But enough about me...anything new in your life?"
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Post by Ithica Pettineo on Jul 15, 2010 0:12:54 GMT -5
Can't use his powers? Ithica would be at a loss considering he really couldn't help his gift. That'd be one giant never-ending headache. What if it was a pain that not even morphine could kill? Like platypus poison. Ithica wasn't quite sure when he'd ever encounter a platypus, but if ever did he'd be sure not to step close to it.. or something. Why would a platypus even attack? He would have asked Ryan, but something told him that in the midst of a splitting headache questions about the anomaly of a mammal would not be appreciated.
"Fate. Yes, well. It can only get better from here, I think." Ithica said, patting Ryan on the back happily. "I mean, actually I'm not sure and I don't want to lie to you. I don't think it could get any worse, though. At least you didn't have... say, eidetic memory or some other passive Gift, hm? Then you'd have just one big giant headache!" He nodded. Ithica was going on the hope that it wasn't contagious or didn't affect halfers. That'd be lovely.
He sat on a bench and watched as Ryan paced. "You should probably tell someone at the Academy about that." Ithica wasn't sure what they would do, but they'd probably do some... supernatural dealio. "Cause that looked painful." He laid down on the bench, humming cheerfully as he watched Ryan continue to pace. Pace. He licked his lips, reminded of salsa. Oh man, he was so hungry...
"Anything new in my life?" Ithica thought about recent developments in the Boring Life of Ithica Erastus Pettineo. He had met some new people, his girlfriend was a boy, he had found a taste for grapes dipped in mashed potatoes. He supposed that only the latter was worth mentioning, and that was supposed to be a secret. And Ithica would be no man if he told someone a secret.
Besides, Ryan couldn't use his powers so he couldn't sense subterfuge.
Oh, but Ithica would know that he lied. His Jiminy Cricket was fighting a battle; lie or break a secret. Lie or lie. But it wouldn't actually hurt seeing as Ryan didn't know Aaran. But what if they met do to circumstances beyond his control? He'd have betrayed Aaran's trust. But if he lied and Ryan found out he'd betray Ryan's trust.
"Uh. You know.. just... stuff." His voice got high pitched midway through the sentence and his face turned red. He hated that it was obvious when he was lying. He jumped off of the bench and looked around. "You know I'm hungry you hungry I think I'm kind of hungry you know I'm in the mood for chinese or maybe just a mcdonalds biscuit I'm kind of thirsty, too." The sentence was jumbled together and not even Ithica was sure what he just said.
He was a filthy liar.
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Post by Ryan Alexander on Jul 15, 2010 2:35:20 GMT -5
Ryan shrugged. Ithica was right after all, it could have been worse...especially if he had a more passive, less active power. He shuddered at the thought of having eidetic memory or something to that effect, the toll that it would take on his mind was unimaginable, the pain he couldn't even think to bear it.
As Ryan paced he saw Ithica sit down. Wanting to be polite, he stopped walking and faced the half-demon; so they could have a proper conversation.
"Maybe Ithica is right, maybe I should tell somebody at the academy...it's worth a thought.."
Ryan's eyes dimmed as Ithica told him that "stuff" had happened.
"What kind of stuff is stuff...?" he wondered to himself. Distantly he felt the tug of his empathy, he knew that he could feel out if Ithica was lying or not; but he knew it would come at a price. Simply using his super-natural senses to feel out his OWN powers caused a slight pain, it would probably be amplified if said powers were actually used.
"Ithica..." he said softly, going up and touching him on the arm.
"You're hiding something....what is it? You've never lied to me, and promised never to lie....so tell me what's wrong? What happened?" Ryan asked him, his voice getting slightly worried. "Is someone threatening to hurt you?"
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Post by Ithica Pettineo on Jul 15, 2010 2:53:22 GMT -5
"Hiding something?" He squeaked out, stepping back and stumbling over his own feet. Why did he have to have such a huge a conscience? Couldn't he lie just once and not have it eat at his soul? The next words stung Ithica and he looked down at his feet. Promised never to lie. But he had promised to keep Aaran's secret. Why did his promises have to conflict?
How would he even tell Ryan? 'Oh you see, I had a girlfriend but then she turned out actually to be a guy'. That wasn't great. Ryan hadn't even known he had a girlfriend, did he? He sighed, sitting down on the bench and hugging his knees. "Nobody's threatening to hurt me, though I will be hurt if I tell you what's wrong." It was true; Aponi would skin him alive. Or Aaran. Or they'd take turns skinning. Skin a cat.. curiosity killed the cat...
Ithica hated being like a cat.
He tapped his fingers on the bench. "Boy troubles." He said finally. Ithica had never felt more... more.. not-straight than he ever had in his life. "My.. err.." Why was boyfriend such an embarrassing word? "Other person." He felt his throat getting tight and he wondered why such a sentimental half-demon could hate romance so much. He wasn't sure what why Aaran was bothering him so much. He had accepted the fact they were both guys okay, hadn't he?
Ithica squirmed in discomfort. "I don't want to ladle my troubles out on you. You already have enough, Ryan." All right, so that was only half-true. The other part was that he didn't want to talk about Aaran anymore than he had to. That boy drove him to the brink of insanity and Ithica couldn't figure out if he detested the hollow feeling he had in his chest when Aaran was gone, or if he loved it. "And it's not really even troubles. Just... confusion."
He was so awkward. Ithi covered his head with his hands, embarrassed. "Sorry."
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Post by Ryan Alexander on Jul 15, 2010 3:08:18 GMT -5
Ryan shook his head. He couldn't shake the feeling that Ithica was lying to him. Alright maybe not full blown lying, but selective truth telling. Either way, it struck him that Ithica wasn't telling him everything.
"Boy troubles?" Ryan asked him questioningly, the moderate want to find out what was wrong now turned into a roaring need. He just had to find out what was going on with Ithica.
"Boy troubles...Boy troubles. Boy troubles?" Ryan said it over and over again in his mind but couldn't make sense of what it could mean or how it applied to Ithica.
"Well Ithica I have boy troubles...or had them in the past, I don't see how you of all people could have boy troubles...."
Ryan tilted his head to the side curiously, wondering what could be making Ithica, who was normally the most carefree guy....jumpy.
"Ithica...my problems aren't the issue here. You're my friend and you have helped me a lot. Why won't you let me do the same? Confide in me....I can help. Or I'll try to..." he said adamantly, giving Ithica a small nod. He knew in his heart that he would do whatever he could to help his friend, and he wouldn't take no for an answer.
Ryan felt a tiny sinking feeling in the pit of his heart. Maybe Ithica didn't trust him that much, or maybe he didn't feel comfortable confiding in him.
"Ithica...you don't have to tell me. If you don't trust me I understand, I don't want to force you to trust me..." Ryan said, the sadness coming up again, slightly.
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Post by Ithica Pettineo on Jul 15, 2010 3:35:10 GMT -5
How was it that people knew just what to say to make him feel guilty? Why did he let himself feel so guilty? He jumped up from the bench and started to pace quickly, his eyes trained on Ryan. Normally he hated pacing. He hated it and it made him anxious especially because the person doing the pacing was normally about to give or receive bad news.
He wished that he was the type of person that could just lie or say that he didn't trust Ryan enough. But he did trust Ryan, he just didn't trust himself to keep Aaran's name under lock and key. What if they met? He'd have betrayed one or the other, and he wouldn't be able to live with himself knowing that he was nothing but a lowly scummy demon thing.
Ithica stopped pacing and moved his gaze from Ryan to the ground. He had never had to deal with problems by himself. But who was he going to tell these to? His father would tease him and insist that he meet Aaran. Rosie hated Aaran for being afraid of her the first time they met. And he had no clue where his mother was or if she was even that understanding. And to hell if he'd talk to Aaran or even Aponi. The point was he had no friends he could talk to.
Unless you counted Ryan. Boy troubles. He felt like a thirteen year old schoolgirl with a crush, although he knew very well if anyone was the schoolgirl it'd be Aaran. He opened his mouth to confide in Ryan but all that came out was an unintelligible mumble. He dug his foot into the ground and muttered a curse. Why was telling somebody so hard?
"I, uh. I'm just having relationship... confusion. With this guy." His stare lifted back up slowly so that he was looking back at Ryan. "I can't... go into it. It's a secret and I promised him I wouldn't tell. I just feel so confused around him." Ithica whispered.
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Post by Ryan Alexander on Jul 15, 2010 3:52:42 GMT -5
Ryan watched Ithica walk back and forth, pacing. This was strange to him, as he didn't know why his friend would be so nervous around him; nervous enough to pace.
"What could it possibly be?" he wondered to himself. To his dismay, he got his answer.
"I, uh. I'm just having relationship...confusion."
"With this guy"
"this guy"
"guy"
Ryan's heart was beating fast, so fast that he thought that it would break through his chest if it could. A deep chill went through his entire body, so cold that it seemed to burn him from the inside out.
"Oh..." was all he could say, was all he could think of.
"I didn't know....I mean you didn't tell me...and I didn't ask.." he said meekly, his voice going quiet.
"Stupid. Stupid. Stupid...I'm so very stupid..."
"Ithi..." Ryan said softly, but he stopped in mid-sentence. He couldn't bear to finish his name, couldn't bear to say another word. He turned around, away from Ithica. A tear slowly made it's way down his cheek, then another quickly followed.
"I can't let him see me cry..."
Ryan took a few steps away from his friend, not knowing what to do or what to say. He didn't know how to express the fact that a tiny piece of him had died when Ithica revealed the fact that he was taken; least of all by another...guy. His thoughts were disrupted by an airplane over head, and he flashed back to a song that he had heard a few days ago.
Can we pretend that airplanes
In the night sky
Are like shooting stars
I could really use a wish right now
Wish right now, wish right now
And it was true. He could use a wish right now, because he truly believed that he lost his chance to be with the one person in the whole wide world that made him happy. He had lost his chance to be with the one person who truly loved him, who actually gave a damn about him.
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Post by Ithica Pettineo on Jul 15, 2010 4:20:34 GMT -5
Could he not do anything right? Ithica had no idea why Ryan was reacting like he was, but he was. And Ithica knew it was his fault. "Don't worry. I didn't know either." He said bitterly, kicking at a pebble. Why was he switching emotions so fast? He felt like a girl again. He rubbed his face, trying to think of something to say. Why had he even told Ryan? Why couldn't he have made up another thing that was troubling him?
When Ryan turned around his eyebrows furrowed. What the hell was wrong? "Ryan." Ithica stepped in front of him, ready to chide him about asking things if he didn't want to know. The words died when he saw the tears. Scenarios immediately played through his head. He couldn't be angry because Ithi wasn't straight. Ryan was gay, and had been worried Ithica wouldn't like him. Ithi wasn't sure what other scenarios there were.
Ithica sighed. "I'm sorry." He wasn't sure what he had done, but he was sorry. He hated to be the cause of strife, especially when people already had so much of it without him. Sometimes he wondered if it'd be better if he just crawled away and died. He only wanted to help but his efforts always blew up in his face. They distrusted him, didn't like him, or he said the wrong things.
What was wrong with him? Did everything he do have to turn out so... not right? How come when he tried to cheer people up it just flopped over? When he tried to save things they just died. Why did Ithica even try when all he did was mess up? Why did he have to think this deeply so early in the morning, and without breakfast?
"I'm sorry." He repeated.
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Post by Ryan Alexander on Jul 15, 2010 4:27:45 GMT -5
Sorry was all that Ithica could say, and Ryan smiled bitterly through all the tears.
"I guess we're both at a loss for words...eh?" he said shaking his head. It was a poor attempt at making a sad and serious situation into funny one, and it failed. Ryan couldn't very well expect Ithica to read his mind, that was his (Ryan's) job.
Ryan was the empath, he had all the tools to read minds even though at the moment he couldn't use them. It was unfair for him to expect Ithica to be able to know exactly how he was feeling, even when he himself didn't know. Unfair? yes, Petty? yes.
Ryan sighed. "Ithica....it's not your fault" he said carefully, trying not to give too much emotion. He knew that if he got excited even a little bit he would cry, and crying isn't what he wanted to do, not yet.
"I am just...upset by your news. I can't help it...it hurts to know. It hurts that it's a reality..."
He paused and fell to his knees, looking up at Ithica. "Can we pretend that there's a shooting star in the sky? I could really use a wish right now...because my dream is never going to happen"
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Post by Ithica Pettineo on Jul 15, 2010 5:14:16 GMT -5
"I suppose we are." Ithi responded with a confused smile. Why was Ryan dragging joking when he was upset about something? He wasn't accustomed to people being so honest with him and then closing up all of the sudden. Although that's exactly what he had done to Ryan, hadn't it? The sleepiness was coming to him, edging at his senses.
He rubbed his eyes as the silence fell between them. It was a wedge, wasn't it? In any case Ithi felt the silence as painfully as he felt the sharp pain in his foot from where the pebble had cut him. He sat down, his legs too weary to stand up. He had jumped, walked, and moved his legs too much without enough sleep.
"Not my fault." He repeated sleepily, and scoffed. "When is it not my fault?" Ithi asked bitterly. If they were going to be honest about their feelings, why couldn't Ithica rant about how he couldn't do anything right? He wanted to just throw a tantrum right there in the streets and scream about how life used to be so much simpler. When people told him exactly why they were angry, or why they were sad.
Ithi's confused weariness soon turned to bitter anger and he glared as Ryan sat by him, not sure whether by choice or if he felt. His dream wouldn't come true. Ithi shut his eyes, trying to think of what Ryan's dream was. He couldn't think when he was full of negative emotions, especially not happy Ithica. He took a deep breath, calming himself down.
He rested his head on Ryan's shoulder. "I don't know what you're getting at, sir." Ithica said honestly. "I don't know why you're upset by that news, and I don't know what 'it' is or why it's a shock that it's a reality... and I don't know what your dream was, or why it won't happen." Couldn't someone just take pity on the poor demon and tell him outright the things he wanted to know?
"I don't know why platypus... platypuses.." He paused, and moved his head from Ryan's shoulder, confusion replacing the anger. "I don't even know the plural for Ornithorhynchus anatinus is...are..." He felt his eyes sting. "And I don't know why they poison people. I don't see why people get close to them. They're not even cute or anything. They're just there. They're like the ugly baby of a duck and beaver hybrid..." He sniffed. "I bet they smell funny, too." He was honestly upset and he didn't know why, and the platypus was the easiest thing to insult and take his anger out on.
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Post by Ryan Alexander on Jul 15, 2010 16:42:43 GMT -5
Ryan smirked slightly through the tears as Ithica went on his rant about the platypus animal and why it does what it does. He ran his hand down Ithica's arm gently, yet assuringly.
"It really isn't his fault that he doesn't know... or doesn't see. It's mine for not being more open and direct..." he thought to himself, as Ithica's rant on the strange animal stopped.
Ryan stared at him for a minute, his entire body shaking from being nervous and upset at the same time.
"Ithica...I..." he said, but stopped in the middle. He wasn't quite sure how to say exactly what was wrong with him, nor was he sure how to deal with it. All he knew is that he couldn't bear to lose his friend, not when he went so long without any friends. Yet he couldn't help but feel like if he didn't do something that it would be a lost cause anyway.
Ryan wiped the tears out of his eyes. Looking at Ithica he closed his eyes and took in a deep breath, one that was supposed to stabilize him. Immediately, he tilted his head to the side, and leaned in; planting a kiss right on Ithica's mouth.
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Post by Ithica Pettineo on Jul 15, 2010 19:03:28 GMT -5
Ithica was mildly disappointed Ryan didn't have the answers to his questions about the ugly duck-billed creatures. He looked around as Ryan fumbled over his words, trying to locate a place to eat. Maybe they'd both feel better after food. Yummy delicious not-healthy food. "You what?" He asked, his attention returning briefly before his mind trailed off at the thought of food again. Maybe they could find a place that sold churros.
He was going to suggest that they each churros when he felt lips against his. It took several moments for it to click in the demon's mind that it wasn't Aaran, which meant that Ithica was being unfaithful after only about a month. Not the best way to start off a relationship. After that initial realization, Ithica put together that it was Ryan. And that if Aaran ever found he'd hang Ithi by his toenails and get Aponi to sandblast his chest off.
The half-demon scrambled backwards, pressing his back against the wall. "I.. er... you..." He pointed at his lips, his brain having turned into a mush and could only pull out words with one syllable. Ithica put his face in his hands, trying to piece together what had happened and why. The only logical explaination he could come up with was that Ithica had had a piece of candy or something on his lips, and poor hungry Ryan had liked that particular bit of candy.
He put down his hands and stared at Ryan. "Why?" Ithi asked. Were people hellbent on confusing him? Couldn't they ever just consult with Ithica if they wanted to smooch all over him? He knew that he was an amazing person, but the amount that he was being kissed lately seemed... higher than normal. "I... you didn't like me like that before I told you I was with someone.." He fidgeted uncomfortably. "N-not that I disliked the kiss. Uh! Not that I liked it... but.. uh, nothing.. nothing against you.. or your lips."
But he had been against Ryan's lips - even if he wasn't the instigator he allowed it. Which meant he was just a filthy no good lying... cheater. Ithica had always thought that when he found someone he loved he wouldn't run off with other people like he had heard about people doing. Did it count when someone was forced? "You're confusing." He muttered.
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