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Post by Ryan Alexander on Jun 5, 2010 22:33:16 GMT -5
Ryan was walking on an empty street, in an aimless fashion. He didn't know where he was going, nor did he care. It seemed like hours since he had left his comfortable dorm room at the academy, and began wandering; in reality it had only been fourty-minutes.
He woke up in a cold sweat, the same dream that had haunted him for years; once again reared it's ugly face.
"No don't touch me! Keep away!" he remembered, his mind flashing back to the dream. Shaking his head, he sighed.
"Why can't I ever seem to forget..." he thought to himself.
Ryan checked his watch, it had to be late; but he had no idea exactly how late it was. "2:05 AM", the clock read to him; he frowned. "I don't know what made me leave like that, but something made me want to just...be free. To just, feel the open air on my skin. I wonder what it was..."
Clutching the dog that his friend Ithica had given him a few days ago, he continued walking along the empty street.
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Post by Ithica Pettineo on Jun 5, 2010 22:51:08 GMT -5
There were four main reasons Ithica was not happy. One of them was because it was 1:30 and no matter how much he rolled around in his bed, there was no sleeping for him. The second reason was that his hot water ran out just as he was washing his hair. The third, and most important, was that in his cold and sleepy state, he stubbed his toe against the counter. The fourth was that he was wandering outside in search of something to do.
Pulling his coat tighter, he walked out into the streets of New York, something that was happening increasingly often lately. He had no real objective, just ambling sleepily while listening to the low hum of electricity, cars, and night owls. Ithica gazed upwards at the clock on the side of a building, and let out a frustrated growl. Normally at two in the morning he would be on his bed in a near comatose state.
The half-demon's ears picked up on a familiar voice, and his head lifted, a cheerful smile replacing the somnolent pout. Not particularly caring that Ryan was talking to himself, he followed into step after the human, trying to be stealthy. It wasn't particularly working, especially after the demon let out a giggle. Ithica had never been good at suppressing his amusement.
He jogged to catch up to Ryan, slinging an arm casually over his friend's shoulder. "Hiya, Ryan!" He chirped, pulling his arm back. He was assuming that the boy remembered who he was. Ithica didn't like to believe that he was forgettable, especially not after he had promised the boy that they'd continue their friendship later. "What are you doing walking here all alone?"
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Post by Ryan Alexander on Jun 5, 2010 23:04:22 GMT -5
Ryan tensed up as he head something, or someone quickly approaching him. Before he could turn around the "mysterious person" had put their arm around his shoulder. He jumped, scared; thinking he was going to be attacked. After seeing who it was, the fear and anxiety that had filled him was replaced by a smile and a warm feeling that quickly spread through him.
"Ithica...it's you" he said softly.
Ryan was slightly embarrassed by his reaction; he was obviously jumping to conclusions when he thought somebody was going to attack him...but it had been a reasonable assumption, since he was out at night; in the city of all places. He clutched the stuffed dog that Ithica had given him a few days ago; yet it seemed so much longer.
"Hey...How did you find me?"" he said, trying not to show his excitement, and that's what it was. He was shocked; although happy that his friend still remembered him, and still wanted to talk to him.
"Well...I'm out here because I had a nightmare, and I couldn't go back to sleep..." he said; his voice trailing off.
"He can't find out about what happened...no one would understand...they just wouldn't" he thought to himself; a touch of fear sent an icy shock that pierced the warmness that had filled him when he saw Ithica. Distantly he knew, Ithica WAS his friend, and wouldn't abandon him.
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Post by Ithica Pettineo on Jun 5, 2010 23:26:26 GMT -5
At the mention of his name, Ithica's smile grew larger. Of course Ryan would have remembered. He wrote the tense paranoia off as the fact that Ithica could be rather menacing, especially in the mornings. If it had been Ryan doing the chasing and arm hugging, Ithica would have squealed like a little girl and hid under the nearest bench.
"I don't really know!" He admitted blithely, jumping up and down. "I suppose it's fate drawing us together." He lowered his voice, aware that he didn't need to raise it so much early in the morning. Ithica started to pull Ryan forwards, chattering away about random things relating to fate before his brain registered the reason that the other boy presented.
"I couldn't go back to sleep either. But I didn't have a nightmare." Ithica shrugged, trying to muddle through his hazy mind to remember what it was that woke him up. "What was your nightmare about?" He asked, eyes wide with childlike curiosity and his lower lip sticking out in an inquisitive pout. Ithica only vaguely knew about Ryan's past, and the parts he did know about would fuel plenty of nightmares as far as he was concerned.
The half-demon really didn't want to ponder such things early in the morning. He abruptly stopped his tugging on Ryan's sleeve and turned to give him a hug. "I'm sorry you have such bad dreams." He mumbled sincerely, stepping back awkwardly. Ithica quite enjoyed giving out hugs, especially to friends whose expressions randomly turned sad.
[ooc; merh. sorry it sucks. D:]
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Post by Ryan Alexander on Jun 6, 2010 8:29:20 GMT -5
Ryan smiled in spite of himself, as he looked over Ithica.
He missed this, not just the talking, but the genuine warmth; the aura of happiness that Ithica seemed to radiate with. He appreciated his friend, and the pleasure that being in his company brought. Ryan smiled when Ithica said it was fate; something that he used to believe in adamantly, although his mother had killed it...or did she?
"Maybe you're right...maybe it is fate" he said softly, looking down to the ground.
"He really, truly is one of a kind..." he thought to himself as he was lead along by his friend.
"What was your nightmare about?"
The question rung in Ryan's head, over and over; like a repetitive song. "I can't tell him what the nightmare was about, I just can't..." he thought to himself in fear. It wasn't just the fear of the dream; but fear that he would lose his only friend in the entire world because of what happened.
Ryan's fears were chased out of his mind, as he was pulled into a hug. Almost immediately, he returned it. He liked hugs. After all, he was deprived of them so much as a little kid; that he almost came to look forward to Ithica and his random hugs.
"I don't know what I would do without you, Ithica..." he said solemnly, and he knew it was the truth.
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Post by Ithica Pettineo on Jun 6, 2010 8:55:46 GMT -5
His smile faltered a little at Ryan's tone. "Does fate make you sad? Because if it does it could just be some weird clandestine plot!" Ithica's mind went overdrive as he thought furiously about how someone would throw the two together again in the middle of the night. "Or it could have just been nothing and I'm overanalyzing the situation completely!" Ithica had a tendancy to do that.
"What you would do without me...?" Ithica asked, his eyebrows raised. Ryan had only met him once, and Ithi wasn't sure that he could be so dependent after one chance meeting. He wasn't one to change somebody's life after three hours and Chinese. "Well, Ryan buddy, you won't have to find that out!" He waved off the thought blithely. "Because I promised."
Ah, and Ryan had almost fooled him! Ithi's happy expression suddenly dropped and he pouted sadly to the other. "You didn't tell me about your nightmare, meanie. You just changed the subject. No faiiirrrr," Ithica whined, crossing his arms and turning away from Ryan with a playful wink. Unable to pretend to be sad for very long, Ithica giggled and turned back to his friend.
"Just kidding! If you don't want to tell me, that's okay." Ithica said, swallowing down his curiosity for the sake of friendship. "Because I know that nightmares are personal, and I don't want to pry where you don't want me!" His smile almost went away again as he realised that he sounded... bitter. His finger went to his lips thoughtfully. He would apologize, but since he didn't know what it would be for he merely let it drop with the hopes that Ryan hadn't picked up on it. "Hehe! Whatcha wanna do?"
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Post by Ryan Alexander on Jun 6, 2010 20:14:35 GMT -5
Ryan shook his head, and smiled sadly. "Fate doesn't make me sad...but it has been really cruel to me lately"
He shrugged. Fate, destiny, coincidence, none of that mattered. All that mattered is that he was now back with Ithica, the one person who he just knew he could trust. Ithica was the first person that he could trust in a long time; the only one who seemed to not want to hurt him.
Ryan nodded as Ithica repeated the question; because it was true. He had no clue what he would do without his new friend. He had come to depend on friendship, because it was the only thing that seemed to make life worth living for him...that, and the thought that maybe he could be loved by somebody.
"Yeah I know you promised..." he said softly; his mind's voice telling him that this was somebody who wouldn't break a promise.
Ryan smirked. "I thought you had forgot about that; about my nightmare..." he giggled a little bit at Ithica pretending to be sad, because it just wasn't a characteristic of the guy he felt like he knew so well in such a short time. Being sad? This wasn't Ithica.
"It's not that I don't want to tell you..." Ryan said, his voice trailing off. He trusted Ithica; strangely so well in such a short time. But how would his new friend react to the secret, his nightmare. He had to re-live the events every night, which is why he hadn't had a good sleep in a few years.
"I trust you, Ithica...I do..."
"I just don't know what you'll think of me when you find out....It might make you..." Ryan stopped speaking. His eyes were glued to Ithica's, because he wanted to see how his friend truly felt. Wanted to know if his friend could handle it, his own personal demon.
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Post by Ithica Pettineo on Jun 6, 2010 20:55:29 GMT -5
"And I don't break my promises." Ithica reminded him, his smile replaced by a concerned frown. Why was his friend acting so weird? He knew that the other boy had gone through crap his whole life, but when they had met earlier he seemed full of smiles and cheer. Now he seemed... toned down, sullen, melancholy, and just plain unhappy. Maybe something had happened after they had parted ways. Maybe someone had been mean to him.
At that thought, Ithica felt an overprotective anger pass through him briefly. Ithica knew that, being a pacifist, he probably wouldn't do anything. There was also this unsure part of him that wanted to rip apart anybody that was cruel to Ryan. That just wouldn't do. He made a mental note to get anger management. It was gone, his feelings of anger, when Ryan started to laugh. He shook his head at the comment about him forgetting. "I never forget things."
He got uncomfortable with stares and awkward silences. He mulled over what Ryan said about his uncertainty to his reaction over a nightmare. He shook his head gently, wondering how many people had let this boy down in the past. He walked over and gave him an almost motherly kiss on the forehead. He took a step back, returning Ryan's gaze.
"I'm going to be your friend forever and ever." He promised. "If you don't feel comfortable telling me right now, you don't have to."
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Post by Ryan Alexander on Jun 6, 2010 22:10:24 GMT -5
Ryan smiled. Although it seemed like a typical thing for him to do, it was quite new and rare. Ithica seemed to bring out the happiness inside of him, the tiny shread that had survived through all the abuse and hatred. He tensed slightly as his empathy picked up a little bit of what Ithica was feeling, and he got a sort of sinking feeling in his stomach from it.
"That was weird. I never had problems feeling something someone was feeling before...why did I get a pain just from reading what he was feeling now?" he wondered to himself.
Ithica was wondering why he was in pain, why he was hurting. Ryan knew the answer, but he didn't want his new friend to think badly of him.
Ryan nodded. He knew Ithica would never break a promise, it just wasn't who he was. When they first met originally; Ryan's empathy had sort-of felt Ithica out. He knew that Ithica had nothing more than good intentions.
All thoughts were wiped from his mind, when Ithica kissed him on the forehead. He shuddered; but not because he didn't like it. It had been so long since anybody had kissed him. Could he remember the first time? Vaguely he did.
It was like a black and white flashback sequence. His mind flashed back to that day in school, the last day he ever went to school. The boy who had done the terrible thing to him. "Aaron..." he thought.
"Ithica...I...I..." Ryan paused trying to find the courage to let it all out, to finally tell someone of the ghost that haunted his dreams. "I was raped"
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Post by Ithica Pettineo on Jun 7, 2010 15:05:14 GMT -5
At Ryan's reaction to the kiss, Ithica cringed inwardly. He wiped his lips, murmuring something about Sophie and something else about how it was platonic and that he was sorry. But the boy didn't seem to be shuddering at him, more like something he was thinking about. Maybe Ithica was too friendly.
Ithica was going to apologize again when Ryan told him. Brain temporarily gone, he merely stood before the boy, head tilted, eyes wide, and his lips in a confused pout. Who would have done something like that? He looked down at his shoes, unsure of how to respond to his friend. Why, how, when...?
He bit his lip, highly unsure of what to say next. He had never been the most empathetic of people, and certainly not the person who knew what to say. "I'm sorry." Ithica rubbed his elbow, returning his gaze up at Ryan. "Do you.. want to talk about it?" He asked, willing himself not to avert his stare.
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Post by Ryan Alexander on Jun 7, 2010 15:37:46 GMT -5
Ryan shook his head blankly; he didn't understand anything. He didn't understand what happened, why it happened, or why he felt so comfortable telling Ithica something he had never told anyone. All he knew was that he couldn't stop what he started...what he knew was too much for him, or for anyone to hold inside. Like a raging fire, or a tidal wave, he couldn't contain it.
"I'll...talk about it. It was a kid at my old school; his name was Aaron..." he said meekly, and at the mention of the name of the kid who had done it to him, he recoiled slightly.
"I was in the locker room...and he just...forced himself onto me. I couldn't get away, I tried. Honest to God I tried..." he said quickly, as if he were trying to rationalize it.
"He held me down...and he...he...raped me" Ryan said, as he fell to his knees on the ground. "It's all my fault. It's all my fault...It's all my fault" he said over and over again, as tears fell from his eyes. "I'm the bad one. I'm to blame"
He pounded his hands over and over again to the ground, till they started to bleed; the skin scraped away.
"Blame me...tell me I'm bad. Tell me it's all my fault. I know it's the truth, so tell me...please tell me"
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Post by Ithica Pettineo on Jun 7, 2010 16:53:46 GMT -5
Ithica lowered himself to the ground, pulling Ryan into a hug. "I know you tried.." He murmured, feeling highly out of his comfort zone. He couldn't imagine himself in that situation. Not the feeling, not the shame, not the... not the anything, really. He tightened the hug, hoping that the other boy wouldn't retaliate against him.
"And it's not your fault, Ryan." He took Ryan's fists in his hands, watching them bleed. "Please don't hurt yourself anymore." Ithica ran his thumb over the scrape, shifting from the hug. He wanted to take the hurt away from Ryan, but the demon didn't know the first way to help somebody who had gone through so much. Fighting back frustrated tears, he wished his father was here to help Ryan, he wished his mother was here, he wished Rosie, or really anybody, was there.
Because Ithica was going to make things worse. "You're not... it's not your fault." He said softly, letting go of Ryan's hands. He reached into his pocket and pulled out hand sanitizer and a napkin and pushed it towards the other. "I..think you should clean your hands." He looked down at the road, embarrassed. "I would do it, but... I don't want to hurt you."
What was the point, though? This kid was broken, and all Ithica was doing was staring in dismay at the pieces. He had never been too good at puzzles. "I'm sorry.. I'm sorry, I really am, Ryan. But what happened to you wasn't your fault. It was.. that man's fault."
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Post by Ryan Alexander on Jun 8, 2010 15:27:15 GMT -5
Ryan felt himself being pulled into a hug. He resisted it first, but when Ithica tightened his grip around him; Ryan didn't resist. The feel of Ithica's arms on him stabilized him, although he continued to shake his head.
"I tried to stop him...but I wasn't good enough...wasn't big enough, wasn't strong enough.."
"How could you say it's not my fault? If I had been better it wouldn't have happened. He picked me because I was so weak, and so kind...so gentle, gentle and harmless.." he said angrily, the bitterness piercing his normal warm and fuzzy voice. Ryan was a very happy person normally; he was a boy scout plain and simple. Underneath his warm exterior, was a core of pain and hurt, it seemed that Ithica with his kindness had unleashed it.
The pain from Ithica grabbing his hands brought Ryan back to reality, brought him back. The bitterness faded immediately, and he looked at Ithica solemnly, as if apologizing wordlessly for how he was behaving.
Taking the napkin and the hand cleaning stuff, he began to clean his hands. After he was done, he looked at Ithica; a lost look filling his eyes.
"I just..I feel like it's all my fault. I just feel like I did something wrong. I HAD to do something wrong. Why else does all this bad stuff continue to happen to me?"
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Post by Ithica Pettineo on Jun 8, 2010 16:25:48 GMT -5
Ryan was angry. Ithica was terrified, tired, and tense. Add confused and helpless to the list as well. What was he supposed to do a situation like this? He couldn't just tell the boy that it wasn't his fault that terrible things happened to him, that it wasn't his fault that he was kind and caring. It wasn't his fault, it really wasn't, but Ryan wouldn't believe it.
He wanted Ryan to give him all the negative feelings he had, and to take all the positive feelings away from the half-demon. He could handle them better than this fragile boy, and Ithica deserved it more than Ryan ever could. "I'm sorry." He repeated, staring down at the sidewalk, suddenly not caring much that he was only a few centimeters away from a crack.
Ithica didn't bother to put the items back in his pocket. He also wasn't comfortable meeting the lost and confused stare. Ithica clenched his fist uneasily in his pocket as he returned the gaze with a hopeful smile. "Things will get better soon, Ryan." He reached over and patted Ryan's shoulder.
"It's not your fault that bad things happen to you. It's not something you did because you couldn't have done anything to deserve that." He scooted closer, taking Ryan's hands gently, trying not to touch the scraped part. "People take advantage of your kindness and gentleness. And it's not fair." He shook his head.
He sighed, tracing Ryan's hand idly. "Nothing's going to harm you, not while I'm around." He hummed, thinking it awfully morbid the song mentioned prowling demons. Technicalities.
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Post by Ryan Alexander on Jul 7, 2010 2:27:16 GMT -5
Ryan just shook his head absentmindedly, in a way he was lost; not knowing who he was anymore...or what to do.
"I'm still me aren't I? Still Ryan. Still the loving, caring, understanding, and good person I've always been...aren't I?" he thought to himself, shaking his head. Lately he had begun to think that he strayed from his once normal path. He still was a good person, he still wanted to be a good person; but deep down he felt horrible inside. He felt the pain of what happened to him in his past, knowing that he never really took the time to deal with it.
"Ithica....I never gave myself time to deal with it. To deal with...what happened. I lost a part of myself that day, and instead of trying to figure out what was lost...I filled that spot up with happiness and didn't care about my own. In the process, I lost myself....I lost the idea that I'd ever find somebody to love me and treat me right. You know what?" he said softly, his voice breaking slightly.
He looked into Ithica's eyes and hugged him, hugged him tightly as if he were the last stable thing on the earth. "I don't think anyone could ever love me...I'm dirty. Nobody can ever love me, not if they learn what happened to me....not after finding out what I did!"
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