Welcome to my world (Kiri)

[Kiri Honeywater]

She watched him approach her muscles tightening with each step he took toward her. Waving her hand the raven took to the air flying off to find some tree to watch them from. Kiri turned to face Locke completely now her chest constricted and filled with pain. Her eyes darted to the trees wishing that she could see Mr. Herald. After searching for a minute or so she lowering her eyes to the shadowed ground.

"Locke..." How did she tell him? Did she just spit it out? Did she give him a warning that it was a horrible story, and if he didn't want to hear then she could just leave? Should she tell him that after the story if he didn't want her any more it was ok? That she understood? Without realizing it she was clutching her locket over her chest eyes squeezed tight. Why did things have to be like this? How did they become like this? Because she had been trustworthy of foul beings and she'd paid for it.

Taking a deep breath she fought back the raw emotions tumbling in her body. He wanted to help her, but was he prepared to know how to? Kiri met his kind, loving eyes with her tortured ones.

"I'm sorry, Locke. You..you won't be happy when you hear this, and for that I'm more sorry than words could ever express. But this is the only way that I can think...to stop hurting you over and over again." She lowered her hands turning to stare at the moon. "Once I begin I won't stop. But once it's over I'll let you say whatever you need to say. And I'll do whatever you need me to do whether that is leave your side forever, or hold you."

Her skin felt like it had acid flowing underneath. Closing her eyes she sat down in the flowers pulling her knees to her chest. She waited for him to sit near her or respond or something.

[Locke F. Herald]

Locke held firm, not moving any closer, but not moving his gaze from her either. "Kiri...I love you, that will not change, no matter what you have to say." He remained still, almost unmoving before her. "I am ready." He said, in the final response.

What was she going to say? She didn't really love him? She'd found someone else? She was going to be confined to the kingdom for a hundred years? She was dying? So many horrible scenarios flew through his troubled mind as he tried to process them all. But he knew, whatever it was that Kiri was building up to.

It was not something to be taken lightly. It was something that had been eating away at her. And that he wanted to stop.

So here he stood, strong and stalwart, ready to weather whatever storm may come...

Or so he thought.

[Kiri Honeywater]

A little saddened that he didn't move any closer she sighed figuring it was his choice. So she bowed her head fiddling with a flower as she started her story.

"When I left you I went in search of my mother. I felt like I needed her. So I searched the Fairy realm, and couldn't find her. But she had fled the evil Queen so I hadn't really expected to find her there." Finding a caterpillar she picked it up gently her eyes warming slightly as it crawled across her hand. "There is a small city of Fae that fled from the Queen long ago that my mother spoke of. Not many people know where to find it but I knew because of my mother. When I went there I talked to so many people."

She set the caterpillar down in the grass her heart heavy with the tale she'd only ever told to Mikail. "I thought that they were all kind. They were all fairies after all so they must all be like me, right?" Kiri smiled sorrowfully her heart twisting in her chest. "One night I was crying wandering the streets trying to get anyone to listen to me. After a week or so wandering around the city people didn't like me much.

"But these boys...or well...men came up to me and they seemed so nice. They promised that they knew where my mother was, so I went with them. I was just so happy. They took me to this building with so many halls and so many rooms." Her voice trailed off filled with pain as her mind replayed that night. "I sat in a room drinking what I thought was tea because they said they'd bring her to me. They were such sweet people, talked so fine and one was near my age."

Gripping her upper arms she choked on her sudden spring of tears. "The tea made me sleepy and so they said I could stay the night until my mother came. I started to get so afraid, but the boy promised I'd be okay. He said he'd keep me safe. But he didn't keep me safe. Instead he left me in a room with those men. He had looked so sad too..." She was shaking now but it wasn't like she could stop. It was too late now. "I was so sleepy and so dizzy. There were hands everywhere, and voices, and laughter. I told them not to...I told them over and over. That man, that man got so mean!" Kiri yelled shaking her head clamping her hands over her ears.

"I don't know how long I was there. I don't know how many times they made me drink the tea. But one day the boy came into the room and took my hand. He kissed me, and took me away. We ran all night until we reached the forest. He was crying when he told me that he'd done it too, but he hadn't wanted to. He hoped that someday he could meet me again, and hoped I wouldn't hate him."

Why was she telling Locke that part? Because it was the story and she couldn't take things out. This was how it went and her mind couldn't change it. "Mikail...Mikail was there and he took me to my mother. Supposedly the boy had sent word in search of my mother, and Mikail had come. I rode on his back all the way to my mother's cottage. I was in a fog for weeks slipping in and out of nightmares. Finally one day I woke up screaming and didn't sleep again for days."

She wrapped her arms around her legs shaking so violently now she was afraid she come apart. "Mother said I wasn't right. That something was inside me. He was so little when...he wasn't supposed to come yet. I tried so hard to be...a good...mother." It hurt, it hurt so badly that she could barely breathe. "Mother wouldn't let me name him. She said it wasn't right to name him. I don't know why. But when she wasn't around I held him and called him my Uri, my light. I know it's lame..but that's what he was."

Sobbing she shook her head screaming at the sky. "But mother took him away! I woke up and he was gone. She said that he was weak just like I was, and that he didn't make it. I-I never said good bye. He was fine the last I held him. Why...why did she take him away? Mi-Mikail told me he wasn't dead. Mikail, he-he watched her take him away. She stole my baby! Why did she take him? I screamed at her for days, but...she said I wasn't fit to be a mother and slapped me. That's...that's when I ran away. I had to become strong. I had to become strong for you, and for him. I thought if I was strong I'd be fit to belong with you both."

"But I'll never be strong enough. I'll never be good enough. I'll never deserve you and I'll never see my little Uri ever again." Still shaking she fell silent not noticing that Mikail stood beside her. Not knowing whether Locke was even there. Her body felt like it had been ripped open from the inside out. Once again she wished for that cursed tea just to make the memories go away. Even if it was for just a little while, at least she'd be able to sleep without screaming.

[Locke F. Herald]

And she began. Locke listened to her tell the story, how she had gone looking for her mother, how scared she had been, how desperate she was for anything to go on...and then.

Like a knife into his heart, he realizes slowly what had happened. Before she even said it, his mind finally pieced it all together. Every word of the story was a silent twist of the knife, carving his heart apart. She had....she was...had had been drugged...and raped. And he couldn't protect her...he couldn't save her...but the story didn't end there.

If that was the worst of the story, it would have been bad enough. But no, life was just worse and worse. Her mother, Kiri always spoke of her oddly. Not dislike, but more distant...and now...these words they...Kiri had...been a mother...she had given birth to the child of a complete stranger...and this child, her light that she could find comfort in...was stolen away from her. Stolen by a vindictive monster...she'd lost...everything.

Her innocence, her mother, even her newborn son. She'd lost all of them in one short year....one short year....

That entire year, whenever he thought about her it had been of her smiling, always having fun with some animals or lounging in the sun. Now knowing, what the truth was...what had happened to the women he loved while he was safe and quiet in the walls of the Academy...he...he wanted to die. If he was a real man he would have been out looking for her! He would have found her, made sure she was safe! There were ways he could have, of course there were, but he was too cowardly to seek her out! And because of that....because of that he couldn't...be there to protect her when she needed him most.

And then silence filled the meadow...murderous silence...

Locke Herald was not a man who cried. To cry was to show weakness, what others could exploit easily. As he fell to his knees, his tears fell freely, unhindered by any notion of strength. "I'm...worthless." He practically sobbed out into the ground.

"When...When I needed help....you were there...so much danger but...you were...right there..." His sobbing made it difficult to hear the words, and then her leaned back and seemed to shout to the sky himself.

"Why wasn't I there for you?!" He remained like that, looking towards the sky with his clouded eyes. "Why...Why did I stay where it was safe...too afraid to seek you...too afraid that you wouldn't want me there...too weak to do what I knew I should have! I...I...I wasn't there to protect you....I'm useless."

His strength was lost, he knelt there ready to collapse, unable to even look at her.

"I'm...sorry....I'm so...." He hiccuped, unable to compose himself no matter how much he tried...it was just...too much to bear.

[green]Francis had heard it all from his vantage point, and the story had struck him much harder then he thought. He moved out from the brush so he was no longer hiding, but didn't move to separate the two. He was here for support, but this was something they needed to cope with themselves, at least right now. Of course he would support them both, and comfort them and aide them, but right now the relationship hinged on them being able to finally see eye to eye.[/green]

[Kiri Honeywater]

His words drifted through the pain, but it wasn't until he started yelling did she jerk out of the fog. Eyes wide she watched him completely and utterly terrified. This had not been what she had expected. She'd expected him to find her filthy, to be disgusted with her, to shove her away. She'd been so stupid to follow those men and he surely knew that. He was so very smart, but he was crying. No, he was sobbing. Her beloved looked as broken as she felt. What had she done? She should have never told him!

Frantic she trembled and shook as she crawled toward him she'd hurt him again. Here she thought it was the right thing to do by telling him and all she'd done was tear him apart. She was too afraid to touch him, too afraid to try and comfort him only thinking she'd make it worse.

Hand trembling she reached for him but pulled back before she touched him. "It's not your fault. I'm not blaming you." Why was he blaming himself? He was her world. He was the only thing left. He was the only person left that made her heart feel like it was worth something. "No, no, no, no..." She was cursed. All she did was ruin things. Anything good that came near her she turned it into something broken and tainted.

"Please, I'm so sorry, please, please, I'm so sorry." Tears, salty droplets fell so swiftly that she thought all the water in her body would pour out of her eyes. "I should've never left you. It's my fault. Please, Locke, please don't do this."

Blubbering she knelt beside him shaking, and crying, and hurting so much. "Stop it! Just stop it! It's not your fault. You never could have known I was in danger or hurt. I was the one that left. I was the one that was stupid and went with those men. I was the one who didn't protect her own son! It's my fault. So stop...just...stop."

Her hands propped her up as she screamed at the earth her face covered with tears. Light headed she wanted to lay down but knew if she did she'd most likely just pass out. Sniffling she crawled away from him feeling sick to her stomach from crying so much. When she stopped she saw two bird feet near her hands and she glanced up to find her one steady companion.

The bird's black orbs held so much pain as he stared at his mistress. He hated seeing her like this. Grabbing him up she curled around him like a child around a teddy bear. She rocked back and forth silently her body in utter turmoil. The tears stopped, the sounds stopped, she didn't even hiccup, then finally she simply sat still. Kiri let go of the raven falling back slowly she stared at the stars. She remembered this feeling it happened in that room, it happened in her mother's cottage, and it was happening again.

It felt like she was floating above her body she was numb, empty, and nothing hurt anymore. A blank stare like a doll filled her features as she lay there refusing to feel anymore. Refusing to cause him pain, to hear the pain she'd caused, refusing to face the world for another second. It was nice this feeling and she secretly hoped that it would never go away.

[Locke F. Herald]

Locke was so lost in his own self torture, that he failed to notice what his depression was doing to the girl he loved. Her words doing little to sooth him, but when she screamed his eyes snapped open as his head shot up. She grabbed that Raven, that anchor of hers, and then...she fell back as if in peace.

Suddenly, all forms of self pity vanished in an instant. She was...just lying there...not moving. Locke's heart stopped seeing her like this...what had...what was going on?!

In a flash he was at her side, one arm supporting her back while the other cradled her head. "K-Kiri? Hey Kiri?!" He held her there, his tears slowing but not stopping. "D-Don't you d-dare." He sniffled. "Don't y-you leave me....n-not now...not ever." He pulled her close, holding her against his body as he slowly became more stable, physically at least.

"N-never...again." He hiccuped. "I won't l-leave you alone...ever again."

[Kiri Honeywater]

He moved her limp body quite easily seeing as she wasn't technically in there anymore. It was so peaceful, so quiet, his words didn't even reach her in this high tower she was in.

But something told her that she had to come back now. She couldn't stay in the sky like she wanted. Plus it was getting dark in her minds eye the light from the stars and moon was fading. Was she not breathing right? Her chest felt so tight. Something was wrong why couldn't she breathe?

Her consciousness yanked back into the present and boy did it hurt. Gasping for air she jerked in Locke's arms pain erupting throughout her entire being. Kiri kept gasping for air her arms wrapping around him in desperation clawing at him as she tried to breathe. Finally air flowed in and out without screaming pain, and she calmed down. She eased into his arms shaking slightly.

"L-Locke, I'm okay." Well, that wasn't even remotely true but she was more okay that she had been before the flying. She didn't know what it was but it felt similar to flying or floating. "It's cold, why is it cold?"
Was it cold outside? Should summer feel this cold?

Curling around him she clung to him as her only attachment to earth, to consciousness. To be in his arms again even if it was on depressing terms made her feel better. Like she wasn't about to shake into pieces. "I'm so..tired."

[Locke F. Herald]

Kiri's return to reality shook Locke to his core as she flailed about. And then, as suddenly as it began, it ended. She seemed to deflate totally in his arms. But the way she reacted...slow to move, cold, just as if she were...dying...

"It's ok Kiri. I'm right h-here..." Locke said, his voice still shaky. "We're going home...just rest." He rose from the ground, surprised with how light she was in his arms. He knew she was a small girl, but she seemed almost weightless to him. As he turned to move, he spied his father off on the edge of the clearing.

[green]"Come on." He replied, his face showing no emotion. "Let's get you two home." He made no other comment, but did walk up to Kiri, stroking her cheek gently. "You were so brave, we could learn a lot from your strength. But now let's get you home. To our home, your home." And he moved to lead the way without a word more.[/green]

Locke followed him, carrying her all the way as he spoke gently into her ear the entire trip. "It's ok...I'm here for you. You're going to be ok." And similar words of comfort past from his lips.

Every now and then a welled up tear would fall from his eye, but he would turn his head quickly so she wouldn't have to see. He knew what was needed...what he had to be. He was the bastion on the stormy seas, he was the anchor. The only thing keeping this girl tethered down now was him, and he would do his best to keep his feet on the ground. But to think about it all....to think about what had happened was...

No. Don't think about it, not now. Now we rest and recover. We will have our entire lives to think on it.

It wasn't long before the arrived at the house, and Francis had arrived shortly before them of course. When Miranda came to the door frame, her look of obvious worry was clear for all to see.

[blue]"I've drawn you a bath to relax, come along now." She said, gesturing down the hall. "You must be exhausted. Let's get you something warm to eat and get you some rest. I have some soup prepared as well. You may not be my child, or even a child at all, but mother's know best on these things." She said. "Can you stand?"[/blue]

[Kiri Honeywater]

She was floating again, wait, no she was being carried. Kiri laid her head on his chest smiling. He was so strong, so grown up. This version of him was much better than the version she'd seen earlier. Not that she didn't love him no matter what, but it had torn her apart to see him like that. It was all her fault too.

The trees smelled like heaven, the air had a catch of rain to it. "Rain, it's going to rain." She mumbled still clinging to him as they made their way to somewhere. Where had they said they were going? His chest rumbled as he spoke and it was so soothing. Her chest still hurt, and her mind still felt dark, but she also felt better. Foggy, but better.

A feminine voice hit her ears and she shifted to see where it was coming from. Seeing Mrs. Herald she paled patting Locke's shoulder she wanted to be put down. She had no idea what Mrs. Herald was saying but she knew that she was suddenly scared.

"Put me down."

Once on her own two feet she bowed her head backing away from Mrs. Herald. "I'm sorry." His mother had to hate her. She darted a look at Locke then stepped away from him. "I didn't mean to hurt him."

[Locke F. Herald]

Locke was surprised by Kiri's sudden request, and her reaction even more so. "Kiri!" Locke said, moving to stop her from moving away, but she bumped into something before he could do so.

[green]"Hey there...calm down now." He said, placing hands on her shoulders gently. "Nobody is here to judge or hate you. We want to help you. Now there has been enough excitement for one night, let's get you warm, fed and rested." He encouraged, placing his arm forward to take her hand. "Come on then, there is no need to be afraid of us."

He had a pretty good idea why she was so afraid of Miranda. It sounded like she had some major mommy issues, that was likely keeping her distant. After all, it seemed like her mother had never approved of her.

"Randy, I think she needs a little time. Trust me." He explained.[/green]

[blue]Miranda nodded, and moved to the side. "All right. I'm going to go check on Allouette." She remarked. She smiled sweetly and moved into the house.[/blue]

[green]Francis stepped around in front of Kiri, halting when he was in her eyesight. He made sure to make eye contact with her before he spoke. "What do you want? Tired? Sore? Hungry? We can take care of you, so just say what it is." His smile was as warm as always, and he made sure to speak slowly and softly so as not to alarm the young girl.[/green]

[Kiri Honeywater]

At the sound of her name she snapped her eyes up at Locke but continued to step away. Up until she bumped into Mr. Herald. Tilting her head back she stared up at him feeling very small all of a sudden. Kiri glanced over at Locke's mother her cheeks tinging a bit out of shame.

Hands clasped in front of her she bowed her head eyes watering again. They were all so kind to her and all she'd done since she'd gotten there was make things difficult for them. She didn't mean to do anything wrong, but wrong was the only thing she seemed to do right.

The world was watery, it smelled of trees and rain, and it was still so cold. There was a figure in front of her and she blinked trying to figure out who it was. "Oh. What?" She took a step back trying to see clearly shaking her head slightly. "Food, I want food. And a blanket, and Locke."

Cheeks turning bright red her jaw dropped. "No! I'm sorry! I don't know why I...I'm sorry. I don't need anything." Shaking her head she moved around the two of them and headed straight for a tree. "Oh gosh I can't believe I said that. I don't need anything. I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine."

Bending over she picked up her bag of clothes still apologizing and shaking her head and saying that she was fine. It was all rather dizzying and when she turned back toward them the world spun. Eyes wide she wobbled feeling the ground coming up at her. "Ut oh."

[Locke F. Herald]

[green]Kiri's initial response drew a wide grin from Francis. She was finally being honest, and her embarrassed reaction afterwords would have been amusing were it not for his concern over her health. When she insisted that everything was fine, multiple times, he just waited. He didn't intend to let her get away, but he didn't even need to try and stop her. Her body did that just fine. And as she fell Locke made a movement to go grab her, but such was wasted. Kiri would find herself caught by Francis, who looked like he'd been waiting for her to fall over. "All right then, the lady gets as she desires. Locke, can you go fetch a blanket from the hall closet? I'll go set her down in the den and get a bowl of your mother's vegetable soup." Any protests she made would not be heeded as he scooped her up, much as Locke had earlier, and moved inside to the den. Inside there was a large couch, obviously meant for 3 grown adults to be able to sit comfortably on. Moving some of the excess cushions aside he lay he down on it, just as Locke returned with the blanket. "There we go." he said, placing it over the still pale girl. "Now just relax, I'll go get you a bowl of that soup. It'll warm you right up." He said, moving away.[/green]

Locke sat on the end of the couch, his body seeming to deflate as he got off of his feet. He moved over so he was sitting by her head, allowing one of his hands to run throughher blond hair. "I'm here." He spoke, just as a reminder.

[Kiri Honeywater]

And she was floating again, up no she was wrong yet again. "Why do I keep getting carried?" This time she was much higher up and it took a moment to realize it wasn't Locke. Blinking she looked down then up and found Mr. Herald. That certainly explained the height.

The room she was in didn't look familiar but the couch was extremely comfortable. Eyes wide she tried to make the world stop moving in circles. She was not supposed to be laying down was she? How was she supposed to eat laying down? But it was so very comfortable. Closing her eyes she curled up on her side hoping it would make the world right. Then she suddenly got warmer peeking open her eyes she was pleased to find that 1. the world had stopped spinning, and 2. She had a blanket and within seconds Locke was beside her.

Eyes drifting closed again snuggling up to him. It was so warm and peaceful finally. Her entire body felt exhausted and sinking into the couch sounded like the best idea. Maybe this time she could sleep without nightmares. If Locke stayed there she could hope couldn't she?

Wait, was he alright? She'd been so focused on herself that she hadn't even looked at him. Pushing herself up she stared at him for a moment reaching out to touch his cheek. "Locke? Are you okay? I didn't mean to..." What hadn't she meant to do again? Oh, she was so very tired. She didn't know why she was so tired. Kiri sighed laying back down again before she said, or did something stupid. "I want you to be happy."

Whispering she curled up again confused and tired. She pulled up the blanket hugging it to her chest. But no matter how tired she was it refused to come, her mind refused to let her sleep. At least it wasn't dark anymore.

[Locke F. Herald]

Kiri seemed to be in a delirious state, slipping in and out of reality like that. He might be torn up inside, but he knew what she was experiencing was a thousand times worse. When she leaned up, he moved to restrict her. "Don't move so much..you need to rest." But she was still worried about him...still concerned about others. "Kiri...you always worry about others...but you really should take better care of yourself...Now, let me take care of you." He said with a smile, cupping her cheek in his hand. "Tonight, you rest."

[green]Almost on cue, Francis re entered the den, setting two bowls down on the table with a small thermos as well. "If you want any more, there is plenty there. Some good food will help you to relax." He remarked. "The missus and I are going to turn in for tonight." He gave Locke a very clear look, though what it said was not clear, and then smiled to the pair of them. "You can sleep wherever you like. In your bed or here if you don't want to move. Just keep yourself comfortable." He turned to leave. "Good night."[/green]

And so the two of them were left there alone, two steaming bowls of soup in front of them. As the smell wafted into Locke's nostrils, his stomach growled slightly. With a sheepish grin, he reached out and grabbed a bowl, moving to pass it to Kiri if she leaned up.

"Eat. You need to keep your strength up." He instructed. It didn't sound like he was making a recommendation to her. He wondered for a moment, and then spoke again. "If you're feeling too tired, I can help you with it..." He said, awkwardly. He felt that she would refuse that, but it felt right to offer.

[Kiri Honeywater]

The smell of food had her eyes slipping open. She propped herself up onto her elbow staring at the bowls her stomach growling loudly. It was difficult to sit up but she managed it after a minute or so. "It's okay I can feed myself. You worry about your growling tummy."

Pulling up her knees she blew on the soup holding it close to her mouth. "This has to be the best smelling soup I've ever smelled." She mumbled before tipping the bowl so that she could drink it happily. Then she realized there was this thing called a spoon hitting her in the face. Glaring at the spoon she took it out and stuck it behind her ear before drinking more soup.

"Best...soup...ever." And back she went to drinking the delectable dish quickly polishing it off. She pouted out her bottom lip when she found that it was empty. How long had it been since she'd eaten? Probably as long as Locke which meant the pancakes from that morning. Her stomach growled demanding more food. Kiri glared at the empty bowl before getting to her unsteady feet.

"I'll be right back. Do you want more?" Eyes half shut she stood there bowl in hand staring at him. If he didn't give her his bowl she would stumble away anyway. Taking a deep breath she focused and headed for the door having no clue where she was in the house. She figured she'd just follow the smell of soup until she found the kitchen.