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Post by ĸara вelova★ on May 10, 2010 18:14:22 GMT -5
On the outside, Kara might seem like a cold ice bitch with zero emotions. Usually, this assumption was correct. But when the girl was unconscious, she was just that. A girl. A girl with a seriously haunted past and unspeakable fears that crept up on her when her consciousness rested.
Lately she was getting increasingly more disturbing dreams, and would wake in a sweat, panting, eyes darting about until she could confirm she was safe. Her dreams were usually re-runs of her death, over and over the scene would play right before the stake pierced her stomach, and she would awaken, trembling.
But tonight the fear was different. Tonight the fear was all-encompassing. Tonight the fear had her, and the entire girl's dormitory, screaming at two o'clock in the morning.
The alley was dark, and obviously conspicuous. The sun pained a masterpiece of yellows and oranges and reds, casting long shadows of the scarred and beaten up buildings. Between two unobtrusive buildings something was illuminated on the ground. Eager to inspect what new treasure she could expand her collection with, Kara cautiously stepped forward. She picked up the stake, examining it, eyes wide as she thought of its uses.
When she was attacked, she fell forward, right onto the stake. It drove into her, and would have burrowed right through if her spine weren't in the way. When the man kicked her over, it wasn't the scruffy, unremarkable face of the man who accidentally killed her and left her for dead.
It was Leo.
"NOOO!"
It was the only word she knew, and it was being ripped from her throat over and over again. All around her girls were waking up with the same feelings of terror and denial and betrayal. Kara would never know or care what their nightmares were. She could still taste her own blood on her tongue.
Wearing nothing but the skimpy nightgown Eiji purchased for her back when they were almost dating, Kara fled the confines of her bedroom and shot toward the boy's dormitories. Her one-word vocabulary developed slightly.
"LEO!" Her fist hammered on one of the doors. She was too frightened to be thinking logically. What were the chances she was banging on the right door? "Leo!" She cried out again, fist splaying to flat fingers as she pressed against the wood, using her palm to pound on the surface.
Soon, as her mind started waking up, she realized just how stupid her actions were. She pulled away from the door and leaned heavily against the wall next to it. This wasn't Kara. Kara wasn't a scared little girl running to the arms of the first person she found comfort in. Idiot! A door nearby opened, and Kara pressed on the invisibility. She slowly let herself drop to the floor, and covered her mouth to stifle the sobs being generated by her broken soul.
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Post by Leogare Lasteulf on May 10, 2010 19:24:43 GMT -5
It should be said that living next to a major urban road, and passing out on a chop shop sofa, for the majority of a young mans life can make him quite a sound sleeper. It wasn't the screams that woke him, it wasn't even someone calling him, no it was someone pounding on his door that finally roused him out of his sleep. When he was awake though, he could tell that damn near everyone was awake. He grumbled, but was genuinely curious as he moved to the door and opened it. It was another of the students, one who had a room just one over, looking at him with an arched eyebrow.
"Hey Leo, tell whoever you got in there to keep it down man! Some of us are trying to sleep!" Leo looked at the guy confused.
"Tha hell you talking about? I got no girl in there. Why, someone got a 'friend' over." leo asked, now interested in what was going on.
The guy looked genuinely scared. "No way...half the girl's dorm just woke up screaming, and someone was over here shouting for you...but nobody's here now..."
Leo thought for a moment. "So..you telling me a ghost came to visit?" Well maybe that was...possible. Thin and gaunt, haunting and cold. Well, at least things started to make sense now.
"You know what, nevermind, I'm going down to the main area. It's pretty clear the excitement is over. Some Telepathic prolly thought it would be funny to give everyone the same dream or something." He left the hallway, and sat down in a chair in the deserted common room. People were chattering in both of the hallways, but none had moved into the common area, as if it were some battlefield of stability versus insanity.
And here sat Leo, with all the doors closed waiting. He had a feeling he knew this ghost, and if he was right he'd see her again before the dawn.
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Post by ĸara вelova★ on May 10, 2010 19:47:32 GMT -5
Kara jumped when Leo came out to the hall to converse with his neighbour. No one would see her being startled, however, because she hid beneath her invisibility like a thick blanket. She listened to them talk about the girls screaming, and distantly she remembered being the cause of that. Leo's assumption might be an interesting story to confirm, if Kara was in the mood to be her usual silver-tongued, misleading self.
When the other boy went back to his room, and Leo left to take a seat in the common room, Kara stayed where she was for a long time. But eventually she used the wall to help her to her feet, and went to join him. Silently she took the chair across from him, her butt barely making an indent on the plush seat. She crossed her legs, adjusted the strap of her nightgown, and sat back. Leo still wouldn't be able to see her, but she preferred it that way. She stared at him, searching hard for the killer her subconscious created to torment her.
Her empathy reached out to him automatically. Was he the same boy who took her out for a memorable night in New York, or was he a hardened asshole that left dying girls to their fate in dark allies? But she couldn't feel anything that would betray him as either man, only a calm suspicion.
"Did you kill me?" She asked at last, her voice slightly raspy from the strain her screaming put on it from before. What languages did Leo speak? She was wary and uncertain and knew she could only trust herself right now. If push came to shove, she would waste no time hurting Leo if he deserved to be hurt.
Oh what trouble one little nightmare could get someone into...
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Post by Leogare Lasteulf on May 10, 2010 20:01:46 GMT -5
Leo was sharper then he appeared, and the moment a door slid slightly ajar, even the fewest of inches thin Kara would need to squeeze through, he was aware. Then on high alert, he did notice when the plush chair in front of him changed it's shape slightly. And then the question, and what an odd question.
Well if Kara was going to be like that, weird and mysterious and accusatory of him when he just got woken up, he'd shoot it right back in her face.
"I dunno, I thought you'd been doing a pretty good job of it yourself. Why would you need someone else's help? Or are you trying to be philosophical by saying I 'killed' your loner image the other night? I'm too tired for these games, and I'm not a mind reader either. I've killed people, yeah I have, not proud of it. You weren't one of em, I can be certain of that."
This evening, Kara wasn't the only one having nightmares from her past resurface.
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Post by ĸara вelova★ on May 10, 2010 21:17:32 GMT -5
She loved it when Leo made up creative answers to his own questions. It was a useful habit he picked up when he was around her, seeing as how she rarely responded to his probing words. And most of the time she let him believe whatever it was he made up. In this case, seeing as how neither of them had fully come to grasp their awake selves, Kara didn't feel inspired enough to think of another lie on the spot, and Leo made a good enough assumption for her to work with.
Plus, his admission, despite the horror behind it, calmed her. He hadn't been responsible for her death, and it was just her overactive imagination pulling her best and worst experiences together in an attempt to ruin her life. Nothing new.
Kara slowly materialized in front of him, hands folded in the non-existent lap of her nightgown. Her near-black hair was messy around her shoulders, as though she'd just stepped out from a wind tunnel. The excitement of the night had caught up to her and coloured her cheeks an almost healthy pink.
"I'm not trying to kill myself," Kara argued, eyes narrowing, expression indicating Leo should know this. But she realized now she'd never given him reason to believe otherwise. Did he still think she was suicidal? This discouraged her. He didn't sound like the same, forward-thinking boy she'd gone out with the other night. He sounded tired. What time was it? She hadn't even checked her clock before she barreled out of her room.
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Post by Leogare Lasteulf on May 10, 2010 21:34:17 GMT -5
So, one of several things happened of note. Firstly, there was a nearly naked women in front of him, and while Leo would normally use said opportunity to seduce her, he was almost horrified by the appearance. Kara always looked gaunt and pale, but with so little clothing to hide it...she looked almost transparent. Her skin seemed so pale and thin that it would be ripped apart by his fingernail, and he wondered how this girl could support her own weight. He looked over her body, and heard her question, while noticing how out of place the color on her cheeks appeared. Almost as if someone had spilled paint on the blank canvas that was Kara.
"You expect me to believe that? Cause the only other alternative is you're crying out for attention, which is somewhat supported by you pounding on my door half naked and asking if I killed you." Leo thought that if he put it in words, she might understand exactly what he meant.
"Kara, look at yourself. I could probably bruise your arm just by poking it, is this what you really want?" It should be noted, that Leo was not one to speak about being half naked, as all he had on now was a pair of night pants, his muscular chest exposed. He shook his head. "Maybe you aren't trying to kill yourself, for the sake of argument, but you aren't trying to live either. It's like you just want to exist."
He looked at her, an unflinching and powerful gaze. "Kara, what is the truth?"
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Post by ĸara вelova★ on May 10, 2010 23:56:09 GMT -5
"I'm not-!" Kara started to protest, then stopped to think over his words. What, was he trying to give her an epiphany or something? She gave him a brooding look of indignation, refusing to acknowledge his accusation.
"I'm not half-naked," She muttered at last, unable to provide a suitable argument. The lack of sleep was starting to get to her. "And I've always been easy to bruise," Her argument had no heart. Then he demanded the truth, and Kara more or less gave it to him.
"What's the point in living if you're not going to live for much longer anyway??"
Then her lips shut, and refused to open again.
((Sorry for length. that's what she said Will make it up in next reply. Thanks for being so awesome though!!!))
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Post by Leogare Lasteulf on May 11, 2010 0:07:33 GMT -5
And she lied and lied again. She was hiding, too afraid to show any of herself to anyone. Too afraid to admit to herself that he hit the nail on the head. But her last remark really got him...she was going to die? She had some kind of illness in all likely hood, that would explain it. Her faded features, distancing herself from everything, preparing for the inevitability of the end.
What a crock.
He pressed his hands down on the arm rests and rose over her, a powerful figure in the empty room. "The point? The point of living is to make something worth remembering! If you don't have long to go then you should be living more then most people so you actually leave something behind, if it be a memory or a song or anything. If you fade away as if you didn't exist, then why the hell did you even live?"
He was practically ranting now, though he kept his voice low to keep them from being disturbed. "So you're going to die, big deal! That's no excuse for you to just lay down and wait for it! You're still alive right now, and what are you doing with this time? Sitting alone and isolated feeling sorry for yourself?! Yeah, sooner or later all of our time will be up, and you know what? I won't be looking back on my life wishing I'd done more."
A hollow laugh escaped from his lips. "I used to think you were a mountain Kara. Imposing, impossible to break, just a testament to the ability to endure. But no, you're just scared. Too scared to do anything, so all you're doing is wasting the time you have left."
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Post by ĸara вelova★ on May 11, 2010 1:03:27 GMT -5
Kara would be lying if she said she wasn't intimidated, but that's just was she was. A liar through and through, and the blank expression on her face when he leered over her extracted no response. She stared straight ahead, refusing to look up and meet his scornful eyes.
He voiced all her fears out loud, something she'd never been able to do. Dying without a purpose was awful, she knew the horror behind this thought. But she lacked the courage to fight it, accepting it as an inevitability. Leo was a bastard for making her regret everything she knew she couldn't have. He was waving a beautiful life in front of her, telling her she could have it, but it was all a lie.
When at last his speech came to an end, Kara's hand came up and struck him across the face.
"Of course I'm scared," She hissed, eyes narrowed. Her fear was paralyzing. "You know nothing. Don't talk as if you do!" She pushed off the chair, but with Leo standing over her, this action brought her so close she was actually touching him. It disgusted her as much as it exhilarated her, and she lifted her chin to actually look at him. Eyes catching his, the blue sparked dangerously.
"Shall I educate you? Why don't you let me show you exactly what I feel?" She wasn't sure how capable she was with her powers now, being so weak from neglecting her health. But she felt like she could still get her point across to him, if he pushed her to.
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Post by Leogare Lasteulf on May 11, 2010 1:11:13 GMT -5
She struck him. Kara had just slapped him. He never thought the girl had it in her. And she threatened him with the use of her powers. Leo was not a big fan of mind powers, he preferred to be able to see whatever was coming after him. But right now he was still angry.
Angry, tired and frustrated.
"Fine!" He almost shouted. "Show me exactly what you feel right now!"
They were so close that the dive he made for her lips was instant. The act was to his surprise almost more then it was to hers probably.
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Post by ĸara вelova★ on May 11, 2010 1:51:25 GMT -5
He really wanted to feel the pain and terror her sleepless nights caused her? Kara pressed her hands against his chest as though the physical contact would somehow strengthen the emotional river she intended to crash through his body. She closed her eyes to concentrated, and then... then the impromptu kiss had her eyes wide.
His lips against her pulled out a startled gasp from her, but she didn't fight him. Or maybe she was, but she was too weak to actually stand as a possible opponent. Kara then poured all her pent up feelings into Leo through the kiss, starting from the most recent and working her way back. The shock, the excitement, the lust, the anger, the frustration, the indignation, the depreciation, the helplessness. He would feel scared and remorseful and bitter, jealousy and longing and insignificance. He might understand her desire to be the regret for not making something of herself before she died. Or maybe he would interpret it as a burning desire to be with him. Perhaps that's what it really was.
Kara's frail arms wrapped around Leo's neck and she pressed against him as she kissed him back with fierce intention. His bare chest was warm through the silk of her nightgown, and with reckless abandonment she didn't care if standing on her tip-toes with her arms raised like that raised the hem to a dangerous level over her backside. The two of them were alone, caught up in long suppressed passion and hatred and disapproval.
And then between the bond just before her lips severed the connection, the most tainted emotion of all transferred itself before she could shut it off. As much as she claimed to despise Leo, as much as he annoyed her and upset her, she loved him for his effort and his honesty and his strength. Maybe if she was lucky, Leo wouldn't recognize the love for what it was. Maybe it was possible Leo had never experienced love before, and would be unable to identify the foreign emotion. Kara turned her face away, still leaning heavily onto him, and lowered herself to her flat feet once more.
"Something like that," She murmured vaguely, feeling very much on the verge of tears.
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Post by Leogare Lasteulf on May 11, 2010 23:55:58 GMT -5
The kiss itself surprised Leo, to spite that he was the one that initiated it! Kara's reaction was even more so, as she damn near attacked him in desire. Apparently as cold as she was, she still had something inside that shell of hers. And he'd cracked that protective shell, so now it all spilled out. Her hands wrapped around his neck, and his arms of their own accord snaked around her back. He held her there in his powerful hands as she pressed herself deeper into the kiss, and an emotional tidal wave struck him.
So many feelings, so much anger, depression, self loathing. Fear...he'd felt that with her before, he was very familiar with it. But still, such a torrent was hard to digest. And then, just as their lips parted, a fainting feeling of something odd. Like a tantalizing taste of a delicious delicacy, and then gone like a dream itself as they both attempted to compose themselves.
What could he say now? Everything seemed to be inappropriate now. He relaxed his grip of her, but remained there supporting her.
He was the experienced one, why was he the one lost for what to say and totally befuddled?
Because it wasn't just a girl, it was Kara. And something about that just wasn't business as usual for the womanizer.
"...So...is that another regret?"
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Post by ĸara вelova★ on May 12, 2010 1:26:12 GMT -5
Shaken from the lack of self-control, a quality she prided herself on, her hand absently lifted to touch her lips as she stepped away. She couldn't look at Leo when he talked, and instead she seemed completely zoned out, eyes darting around as her mind raced. It would appear she hadn't heard him at all, until she at last replied, voice breaking.
"I don't know!"
And she really didn't. The uncertainty was transparent. She was battling with herself. The Kara she knew she was supposed to be, and the Kara that Leo thought she should be. And she wanted to be that girl, she really did, she hated being the loathsome student everyone pitied and shrank away from. She hated looking like a character from The Corpse Bride. And she hated this never-ending feeling of being caged in.
Kara wanted to tell Leo she didn't regret the kiss. She wanted to tell him she didn't regret their night together. She wanted to ask him to help her leave behind some reasons to be missed. But at the same time she knew she should be regretting this encounter. She should be apologizing for impacting Leo this way, however small a hole she would leave. It was damage she wasn't prepared to take responsibility for, but she also cowered from the idea of turning Leo into Eiji, a boy she violently separated herself from so he wouldn't get hurt by her imminent death. She was selfish and scared, and wanted Leo to stay with her despite not wanting to hurt him. Either way he would feel some kind of pain, and by keeping him she at least evade injury. So long as she could suppress the guilt.
"Is it worth it?" The words echoed from the past right to this very moment.
What would friends do, if the other died?
I'm afraid of losing myself.
It's easy to forget me.
[/blockquote][/blockquote] The usually cold spirited girl stared straight at Leo's chest, unfocused. An unwelcome tear escaped her permission and broke free of her control.[/color]
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Post by Leogare Lasteulf on May 12, 2010 2:30:38 GMT -5
It was now, almost three in the morning, that Leo finally understood the enigma that was Kara Belova. Why she was distant, why she was isolated, and why she never let anyone get too close. So many people just assumed she was cruel, evil and solitary, but the truth was far worse then that. It wasn't that Kara didn't care, no not at all.
She cared more then anyone else, about everyone except herself. She didn't want her coming death to hurt people, so she locked herself away. It was all an act, all a ploy to keep people from being hurt. Such sacrifice...
"I think..." Leo said. "That you are one of the most compassionate people I've ever met...now that I understand a little better."
When she asked if it was worth it, he smiled. "Didn't I tell you before? You can stay safe and alone, or you can go out and live. If I died tomorrow, I'd want everyone to remember me for today. You don't need to protect me from the truth, I've seen a lot of it in my time and it doesn't bother me. But what does bother me, is the idea of you dying alone because you don't want people to get attached to you."
He said nothing else, merely holding her there in the darkness of the common room, where the light of the moon played across their features like a flickering candle.
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Post by ĸara вelova★ on May 14, 2010 0:32:45 GMT -5
...Compassionate? Kara choked on a halfway hysterical laugh. Who was he talking about? Everyone knew Kara for what she really was; a cold hard bitch, unfeeling and unloved. Perhaps that description was a bit harsh, but Kara never did anything to contradict it.
"I think..." Kara said, "...you need to get your head checked." But like before, there was no insult behind her words. Nothing to indicate that her heart was in it.
While Leo continued to talk about what a wrong choice she'd made, she shook her head. This same argument she played over and over in her mind, struggling and fighting with two dueling opinions, two adamant polarities. She could try to live life to its fullest, milk it for everything it was worth, do something crazy and satisfying and memorable. But she didn't possess the courage to go through with it. The craziest thing she'd done was let Leo take her out, and she was positive by Leo's standards, that night was nothing noteworthy. At least for him. The point being that it wasn't even something that Kara had done. Leo was wholly responsible for the only spark of life she'd experienced in her entire life.
"Can you..." She took a moment to clear her throat and take a breath to steady her shaking voice, "Can you honestly say... your life would be better with me in it, for however short and insignificant that time was? It would be so much easier, so needlessly painless if you never knew me. If I just died with no one caring?"
Saying those words was physically painful. Her stomach twisted and her face pinched, and she looked him in the eye for a fleeting moment before she was looking back down at his chest again.
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