Post Secret: Amberness

[©erridwen Corrigan]

This was to much....Cerridwen couldn't ask this of Minerva, but Minerva had gone against her word, and done this. A true love of a sister. How Minerva had scared Fiona...Cerridwen would never know, she just walked in one night, keys to the shop and all and with a coy small secretive small, had informed Cerridwen that Fiona had left the shop in Cerridwen's care as she was going on a long...long trip. Quite interesting. Interesting indeed, but Cerridwen didn't intend to question it, right now, she was almost finished painting it.

"Mae, remember don't get paint on the trim, and stay in the pencil lines I drew for you..." Cerridwen reminded the young girl for the umpteenth time.

Mae pushing back a few stray pieces of blonde hair, replied for the 'umpteenth time' with an I know and continued working. She like her mother and her adopted sister, was an artist, well, her artistic skills were starting to shine through, and she was now seven. She could stay in the lines. She wasn't two anymore.

Cerridwen smiled a small smile and nodded. "Alright.." And with that continued her own work. As she painted, Cerridwen's mind drifted off, much like it always did when she had to paint, and for the past three days, Cerridwen, Mae, and Minerva had been working to get this shop repainted, it was Cerridwen's shop for now...at least under her watch, and first thing was first, a new paint job was certainly needed. The bland walls had been a puke green color...why? Cerridwen had no idea, now Flowers adorned the walls like ornaments on a Christmas Tree, and now instead of a horrid shade of green, it was a pale blue.

This was a whole new project for her, a whole new adventure. Her and Mae were now living in their new cottage, after months and months of just...letting it sit there finally she finished painting, moving things in, and now Minerva have the other home to do whatever they please, but it was certain, that they wouldn't have to worry about Mae over hearing their various games, or making to much sound, letting her wander down and catch them in the act, stupid little things like that, nope, now they had the house all to themselves and Cerri and Mae were down the road, away...far far away from Cal and Minerva's kinky little games.

Thankfully.

Cerridwen would belying if she said she didn't think about Eryk every day of her life. If she didn't wonder where he was, what he was doing, if he would ever forgive her. Forgive. Forget? She wasn't sure. Would he forget her and move on? Cerridwen just wished...that what she had said, what she did, was right, his mother was smart, and if she said that, she wouldn't say something and then not mean it. There had to be a reason. Hopefully Cerridwen hadn't just royally screwed everything over. Something she has been known to do.

Maybe she should go hunt down Nat...maybe that would be an idea...she had just...gotten so upset. She couldn't stand to see Eryk in Pain, Eryk in such depression, see him lie to make her happy. He needed to be happy with himself, some how before he even tried to make her happy. She didn't...want him to lie to her, and if he didn't want to be with Cerridwen, well, Cerridwen wasn't going to force him.

Cerridwen was finally at peace, finally able to think clearly without always thinking about Eryk, if he didn't choose to be with her, if he didn't want to be around her, kiss her, hold her, it wasn't the worst thing in the world anymore. Maybe it was because she had Mae to care and think about, care for her, feed her, make sure she was alright. "Mae I'm going to get us some food...stay here and guard the place?"Cerridwen teased smiling.

Mae nodded and bobbed her head to the music on the radio as she continued to paint.

Cerridwen smiled and took a quick picture of her girl and hurried out of the empty shop and into the February snow, heading down a few doors to walk into a small cafe, a sandwich shop, ordering their food and a coffee for herself and waiting for it to be ready to take back. She was hungry, and Cerridwen was sure Mae was as well. No more thinking about Eryk, time to start thinking about her future.

[natsumi]

What does one do when their best friend is the most depressing person on the planet? They leave them the heck alone until either that person can take more emoness, or the friend realizes that they are being really depressing. Nat figured Eryk would never realize that he was being depressing because, well, Eryk was faking being happy. The sadder thing was that Eryk was really bad at faking it. Being an light hearted person who liked to ignore such emotions Nat couldn't take it anymore. He had to get out of that apartment before he did something he'd regret.

So after Eryk had left for his new job Nat had left a note and went for a nice long walk. Normally Nat slept during the day but he'd taken a week off from his jobs to spend time with Eryk. Eryk on the otherhand went and found jobs so Natsumi found himself alone more often than with his best friend. He didn't mind so much he needed to get stuff done he wouldn't normally get done. Wrote a letter to his family, and sent some money to his little girl. Had a few dates, and even got Eryk out to the clubs to date as well.

It hadn't been very long that Eryk had 'moved in' but it felt like they'd always lived together. Eryk cooked and did the dishes and other kitcheny things. While Nat did laundry, and picked up the rest of the apartment. They took turns cleaning the bathroom, and taking out the trash. It was a nice system that Nat didn't usually find with other roommates. Both were pretty quiet once in the comfort of their home, course Eryk was quiet period.

The weird conversation had been whether it was alright for Nat to bring people home with him. Eryk just shrugged and said to warn him so he could go sleep in the woods that night. Nat hated that Eryk spent so much time in the woods. It was creepy, and very...not mentally healthy. But he wasn't going to say anything. For who was really truly mentally healthy? He sure wasn't, but he was okay with it and lived with it.

Strolling along the streets he wondered what had brought him all the way out to Masonville. Probably just the need to get far away from the confines of his apartment. The fact that he knew Eryk's little Kitty worked in the town had nothing to do with it. He stopped right in front of that very store. A little girl was inside rocking to music and painting. Not spotting the Kitty he smiled, and checked the door to see if it was open. Again he smiled as the door gived under his slight pull. Kitty would be pissed to see him in the store, but he didn't care. He wanted to surprise Mee-lee.

The music too loud for the bell to be heard he slipped inside and snuck up beinhd the painting seven year old. He waited until she went for more paint before scooping her up in his arms. She squealed kicking her legs frantically, then started giggling when he blew a raspberry into her neck. He started spinning in a circle laughing as she squealed in glee. Nat flipped her to hold her like a baby and she wrapped her arms around his neck.

"Nattie!"

"Mee-lee!" The two laughed then gave each other butterfly kisses. Maelee giggled and hugged him again. His heart warmed with that familiar liquid that came from children. She was five years older than his own little girl. A little girl he'd never gotten to hold like he held Maeleeown now. He'd missed the lil' she-devil.

"So how is my lil' minion?" Maelee giggled resting her head on his shoulder.

"I'm good. I've got to paint a whole bunch! And I got my own room. And I'm gonna get a puppy!" He blinked and laughed wondering if her caretaker knew of that last one. Sitting on the tarped floor he settled her in his lap starting to braid her hair.

"How's the pretty peacock doing?" She asked wiggling her feet as he french braided her hair into twin braids. He smiled knowing that Kitty would get mad when she came back from where ever she was. But he didn't care. Maelee had been as much a sister to him as she was to Eryk, and he hadn't seen her in years.

"I'm doing good. I miss my dance partner though." Maelee blushed and giggled as he gently tugged on her hair. The two sat like that for a bit in silence with some tickles and a quest for something to tie off her braids. After they found some ribbon she spun loving the brightly colored ribbons in her shoulder length hair.

"Um...is my Rykie okay?" She knelt by her painting area and picked up her dropped brush. Her eyes were already getting good at hiding her feelings, and that fact spurred on anger toward Eryk and Cerridwen. Those two were playing tug-o-war with this child. They were lucky child services didn't get involved.

"He's doing much better. He's got a job cooking, and he showers now." At that she giggled her eyes a bit lighter with the knowledge that Eryk was okay. She didn't need to know her brother was still in emotional turmoil. "I think he told me someone has a birthday coming up."

Maelee's eyes went wide and she jumped to her feet to leap into his arms. He'd expected her to jump so he turned from the mural he had been gazing at. Laughing he spun her and dug out a little box from his pocket. She screamed with laughter as he put her down. Tearing open the tiny box she found inside a single charm. A golden butterfly. Maelee's reaction next however was something he had not expected. Tears. She bawled and sobbed and clutched the box to her chest. Panic, worry, and concern flodded him as he knelt to wrap his arms around her.

"Oh, Mee-lee, I'm so sorry. I thought you liked butterflies." She sobbed her face buried in his shoulder.

"M-meh-my l-la-last p-pres-s-ent f-fra-from R-r-ryk-k-kie w-wa-was a b-buh-" Shaking her head she didn't finish her sentence but he'd gotten the gist of it. The last thing Eryk ever gave her was a butterfly something. Great, now he'd made her cry. Pulling back a bit he kissed her check and whiped at the tears.

"How bout I get you another charm? What kind of charm do you want?" Her head bowed she sniffled not meeting his contact blue eyes. "Come on, my lil' minion. Where's my smile?"

He tickled her until she giggled and twisted from side to side smiling. "I want a flower charm. A rose." Nat froze his eyes going to the walls. So this Cerridwen had wedged herself into the girl's heart. Nodding he smiled at Mae who smiled back.

"A rose it is. Pink?" Mae shook her head and touched her nose with his. "Red?" Another head shake. "Yellow?" A negative. "White?" A nope for white. "Maelee, what kind of rose do you want?"

"A black one! Like the one Ri-ri gave Rykie." His heart twisted and his head bowed. Those idiots! He was going to have it out with Eryk for this. Cerridwen wasn't his business, but Eryk would get it.

"Okay, a black one." Anything to keep you smiling lil' one. Anything to keep you smiling. She jumped for joy shoving the charm into her pocket as she went back to her paints. He stood eyes traveling over the beautiful flowers. Her mother would be so happy to know he child was surrounded by the things she held dear. At least the Kat had done that right.

[©erridwen Corrigan]

Cerridwen waited in silence as she watched people pass by. For a brief minute, Cerridwen thought she had seen Eryk, but shook it out of her head because moments later she thought she saw Nat pass by. Oh how she loathed that man...if you could even call him that. Hardly.

Cerridwen heard her named called, and turning, she saw a man there holding her order. Right. a late lunch early dinner, this was...well the last day of take out. Tomorrow, Cerridwen would have the fae girl back at home, and be cooking good meals for her again, not this greasy crap, though in Cerridwen's defense a grilled cheese was not bad, nor was the fruit and chips she had gotten for her. The juice...was filled with sugar some what but it was just a little bit, there was still actual....fruit in it. Hopefully. Apple juice wasn't bad. It was a good thing for a growing child to drink Certainly good.

Cerridwen thanked the man and left him a tip, and set out. Pulling her coat tighter around her body, Cerridwen was a spring Fae...not a winter Fae. This weather was certainly killing her. Upon her face was a sore little red nose. Cerridwen ineed was growing sick from this, and Minerva was going to get it big time come spring. The pollen which Cerridwen loved, would simply just knock out Minerva. She was going to get it big time.

Sighing, Cerridwen moved swiftly through the streets of Masonville just wanting to get back into her warm cozy shop, drink her coffee and get warm again. She hated winter.

Cerridwen sighed as she got to her shop, and paused. There...was someone in there, pushing the door open, she recognized the slim, feminine figure. Nat. Ignoring him, knowing he wouldn't bring danger to Mae-lee, Cerridwen sighed. "Mae dinner..." She murmured setting the food down on the counter and going to grab another tissue box. "Sweet pea go wash your hands..." Cerridwen murmured as she blew her nose, rubbing it raw with the tissue.

When Mae-lee went off, Cerridwen went about her business, picking up paints, and brushes completely ignoring Nat. She had no reason to talk to him, and she really didn't want to. Why would she?

When Mae came back, Cerridwen smiled a small smile. A piece of warm pie was hidden in another box that Cerridwen had asked for so she could surprise the girl. "Eat the fruit..."Cerridwen reminded taking out her own box, a salad with dressing on the side, how she liked it.

Mae nodded and Cerridwen started eating. "If I agree to that pup, I better not see you slipping any of the vegetables to it..." Cerridwen looked up nodding. "And we had a deal..I'll stick to my part of it, but I want to see good grades...and no more fights"Cerridwen nodded as she took a bite of salad, pretending Nat wasn't even there. Every so often, when Cerridwen blew her nose or coughed, would she catch a glimpse of nat. Only a glimpse.

[natsumi]

Yelling. He'd expected. Snide comments. Sure. A 'get the hell out' was a certainity. But complete and obviously cold shoulder? Barely any recognition of his existance at all? That just, that was just odd. Eye brows lifting he grinned and just wondered the store. Gazing at the various paintings, and things within the store. He occasionally looked over at them having their late lunch. Hopefully Mae ate better than that on most days, but another thing he wouldn't be mentioning to them. Probably just a thing for today. Hopefully.

Hearing that Mae was indeed getting a puppy he smiled. The lil' brat deserved a pup. It would be hilarious if she picked a dog bigger than she was. Serve the Kat right. To take care of a bull mastif or something equally huge. But knowing Mae she'd pick a little fluff ball that would stay a fluff ball. Hands in his black, tight, jean pockets he stood and gazed at a finished wall of glorious flowers. The Kitty had one thing going for her, she had talent with paint.

"Look what Nattie got me for my birthday! He's gonna get me anutter one toos." Mae held out the butterfly charm to Cerridwen as she took a big bite of her cheese sandwich. Nat glanced over just then wanting to see the Kitty's reaction to the gift. He hadn't given Mae her brother's birthday present yet. That was something he did not want to see her reaction to.

"And I don't get in fights. I just...don't get along very well with some of the boys." She nibbled on her food giving Cerri puppy dog eyes. "Besides I always get good grades." The little girl stuck her tongue out and took a big sip of her drink her feet kicking. Natsumi shook his head with a laugh happy to listen in on their life. That way he could give a good report to Eryk. A report that said 'they look happy.' It would be good to see that peace in the giving of that information. Though he wanted to leap at that woman and tear her hair out. Instead his eyes dropped to her red nose. Poor girl.

Taking both hands out of his pockets he ran them through his blond locks thinking on what to do. He couldn't just stand and stare at the pretty paintings all day. He either talked to the woman or left. But he was too afraid his emotions would get in the way, and he really didn't want Mae to see that. She had to deal with enough crap because of this cracked up relationship. How to talk to someone who most likely hates you.

"You know. These are some of the most beautiful paintings of flowers I've ever seen." Hands clasped behind his back he stared up at the flowers with the sky blue background. He glanced at her from the side of his eyes. Those blue eyes in mock mimicry of Eryk's. Paying her a compliment might lighten things a bit, though he didn't feel like complimenting the wicked Kat at all. People who hurt Eryk didn't rank very high on his best buddies in the whole wide world list. Besides the bull the two were pulling was pulling Mae apart.

"Um, I know you probably don't even want to acknowledge that I exist over there. But, uh. I'd like to talk to you." He glanced at her then quickly back to the flowers. Mae's eyes darted between the two sensing that something was about to happen that she'd be excluded from like usual. Taking a bite of a chip she eyed Cerridwen waiting for her caretaker to respond.

[©erridwen Corrigan]

Cerridwen once again would be lying if she said she didn't care about Nat, or what he was doing in her shop. In all honesty she was keeping a hawks eye on him. Sure at first she had tried to ignore him, but what was he doing here? What was he talking to Mae about. Eryk? It couldn't have been bad? Certainly not. She looked happy enough, and when she stuck out her tongue and started talking about school again, Cerridwen smiled a small smile. "Well be nice then, between you and I," She leaned in and smiled and lowered her voice "We know your stronger, but we can't hurt the boy's pride...so just don't let them get to you alright? I love you to much to see you get hurt, so...just do me this favor and stay out of any arguments...just be a good girl like I know you are...deep down" Cerridwen grinned and pulled back. "I swear Minerva is rubbing off on you." Cerridwen laugh shaking her head.

Cerridwen took another small bite looking at the terror sitting in front of her. "She's teaching you tricks she use to pull when she was younger isn't she?" Cerridwen asked shaking her head, her smile never disappearing. As much as it should have, even with Nat here, she couldn't. Mae some how managed to make her smile.

Looking at the charm, her blue eyes flickered up to Nat for a minute watching him, this time they weren't threatening, but worried. Butterfly. She had remembered what Eryk had gotten Mae...and then she was talking about getting another charm? To...replace this one? To go along beside this one? Cerridwen wasn't sure but she nodded as if she were processing every work the girl was saying, when in reality she was trying to figure out the man.

Shifting at Nat's Comment Cerridwen nodded "Thank you..." She murmured though it came out more like a 'thak you". Her cold was getting worse and worse by the day, and she wasn't quite sure why. She just knew she needed it to go away if she wanted to get this shop running on time, and keep her head above water when it came to bills and taxes.

Ahhh. So the truth comes out. He wants to talk to her? Getting up Cerridwen agreed. "Alright" She sniffled and blew her nose one last time before pulling back her hair, and looking to Mae for a minute. "You stay here...be good. I'll be back in a minute." She murmured stooping down to kiss the girl on the head before moving towards Nat. "I have a break room...back through here, we can talk there..." And with that Cerridwen disappeared into a doorway and into the backroom. A small kitchen it was, though there wasn't a table, there was a counter, a fridge and a sink, and one single lone chair. The other two chairs were out in the front where Mae and Cerridwen had previously been eating.

[natsumi]

Mae just giggled at Cerridwen giving innocent eyes that told all the devilish thoughts within. The girl had to deal with not so nice children and if they said bad things about her family they paid for it. Not her fault. It was there's for making fun of her family. Eventually the teacher would call her 'guardian' in for a conference. Until then Mae would place fear into the hearts of her fellow students until they got the hint.

"I'll be a good girl. As long as they're good too." She nodded to herself taking another bite of her sandwich. After the bite she stared at the sandwich and wished that there was still left over food from Eryk's last visit. The yummy food had gone in a flash, and now she was stuck with cheese sandwiches. Maybe she'd learn how to cook. Had to be better than never ending cheese sandwiches. She knew Ri-ri was doing her best, but really cheese sandwiches? Everyday? That salad looked like mana compared to the constant cheese. Mae sipped her juice and planned on begging Minerva to get a royal chef or something. This was ridiculous.

Nat caught the look but said nothing he just smiled at the girl's bragging of her gift. At least now she acted happy about it. Much better than the tears he'd been given earlier. At least the Kat hadn't demanded he take it back, or to not buy Mae anymore gifts. That would only urge him on to lavish the child with presents. The girl would be up to her ears in dolls, stuffed animals, and other such childish things. If not to make the child happy but to infuriate the Kitty even more. But Cerridwen didn't she just gazed over at him. As she stared intently he winked at her.

When she stood he waited until she entered the back room before sticking his tongue out at Mae. Who giggled kicking her feet as she reached for some of Cerridwen's salad. Natsumi chuckled and then left to follow sick kitty. His eyes scanned the room finding it to be the tiniest kitchen he'd ever encountered. Eryk would probably cry at the sight of it. The thought made him smile as he leaned against the wall after shutting the door. Some of the things he'd be bringing up were things he didn't want the little one to hear. Perhaps he should have picked a different time, but he hadn't even known he was visiting. Yay, for spontaneity.

"I know it's none of my business, but have you seen a doctor for your cold? Maybe medicine?" Hooking his ankle over the other, arms crossed behind the small of his back he stared at her. For one he was actually worried about her because he hated seeing anyone suffer even if it was the evil Kitty. Another was that he didn't want Maelee to get sick. Then thirdly Eryk would worry about her being sick, a thing he did not want to deal with. "Humidifiers help with the breathing, salve on the raw part of your nose, and a healthy dose of gin and tonic for the soul."

He loved prescribing alcohol to fix people's aliments. Funny thing was it kind of helped. Or a hot tottie, or whatever his mother had called it. Hot tea with rum? It tasted wonderful that's all he remembered, and it put him right to sleep. Which was good when so sick. Eyes rolling upward he decided to just get to the point and stop trying to be all nice. She was being nice though, and being mean tended to be harder when the other person was being so darn civil.

"I see you're doing just fine without him. Makes me think his suspicions were right." Talking about colds to jumping right into the muck of it. He turned cold eyes to her with a wicked smile to match. "It'll make him so very happy that you two are so very happy without him. It will let him know that he can finally move on. Without you. Course he'd like to visit Mae."

Natsumi kept his voice light and conversational as he pushed himself off the wall wondering around the room. His slender form displaying the dancer within as he moved smoothly about. "Would you care to know how he's doing? Of course you wouldn't! You're far too happy to even give a rats behind as to how he's doing."

Angry? Bitter? Heavens no. "Course Mae is learning to be a fabulous liar. Kudos to that. I'm sure Eryk had help with that one. Since you're so good at keeping things from him up until it'll hurt the most. Great gift that is." He laughed shaking his head as he walked right past her in his wanderings.

"He's got two jobs now. One is personal chef to all my 'friends' who are willing to pay him, and then helps out around the club." Nat paused glancing over at her. "Helps with the props, carries things, gives messages, cleans, but poor guy just won't get on stage. I'm sure his love for pain would be perfect on certain fun nights."

Another glance over at her before continuing. "He's been so neglected on what he's used to. Course now he thinks all that stuff is perverted. I wonder why." Glare in her general direction followed by a bell like laugh. "He never runs with me either, he hides that part of him. Like it's evil. Never talks about it. Not really healthy to shun a part of you. A natural part of you. Don't you think?"

Not waiting for her to respond he dove into the conversation not caring if she got all upset. Or called him names. Or yelled. He didn't care. This was for Eryk. "Took him out clubbing once, but he never looked at any of the girls I tried to set him up with. Then when I shoved a boy into his arms. Well, that was a different story." He flipped his hand at the last part finding his spot by the door once more.

"But I'm sure you don't want to hear about how a large, powerful man can turn your ex-lover into goo. Desperate, starving, depressing as sh*t-goo." While speaking he slunk over to her using the seductive talents he'd learned in his trade to get rather close to her. He didn't want her, and he was damned sure she didn't want him. The fact that it would upset her or make her uncomfortable was what he was aiming for. "I asked him about it later. Said, I'll never touch another woman. Fancy that. You turned our boy homo. He was on the edge before, but now hot damn you just flipped that switch, Kitty-Kat."

He smiled, he laughed, and he kept his voice in a range that Mae would never think they might be talking about bad things. No, Maeleeown would probably think they were planning some fun surprise as much as he laughed. Natsumi had that little talent of talking about the most horrid of things as if it was all a big joke, a game. Nothing seemed serious to the sixteen year old stripper. Everything was fun and laughter. Even if it dealt with his best friend's depression over a stupid girl.

[©erridwen Corrigan]

Cerridwen followed him with her eyes. AS he prescribed medication, she was plotting in the back of her mind. Wondering, plotting, why? Why was he doing this to her? To make her suffer? To make her twitch and cringe? He wasn't going to get it. Cerridwen wouldn't let him have it. It was just...so confusing. His laughter, how could it be so light? This was a gift, naturally, no one could be that light about a situation such as this. Not when both parties were after the heart of one. A heart only one could have. "It happens every year. It passes when spring arrives." She coughed. "I'm careful. I wash my hands and I keep my distance from Maeleeown" Cerridwen said using her full name for once. Her eyes darkened and now it was the shade of stormy waters. A dark, deep shade of blue. She was not happy, but it wasn't like she cared. He wanted to talk, then fine, she would listen, but it didn't mean she had to respond.

Cerridwen glared now. Why? Simple, he was doing this to hurt her. He was doing all of this to cause her pain, inner turmoil. To make her want to hurt him and then Eryk get mad at her? She watched him, through his cut-throat words, moving around, coming close to her, getting all up into her space, as if she would react intimately with him. Never. Never. Cerridwen controlled her breathing, though it was if he had taken a thorn off the blackest rose he could find and stabbing her heart, puncturing little holes in it, and making it bleed. The pain forever there as the blood slowly leaked from it, and the day she died would be the pain ended, only even in death would she feel pain and sorrow. The pain and sorrow of hurting Eryk, and knowing she did. This time though she couldn't take it back. She wouldn't no matter how much she wanted to. She couldn't, nor would she let herself.

"There are two sides to every story." She said finally after he grew quite. "I'm sure you've heard Eryk's, I'm sure you've heard it over and over" Cerridwen spoke, a soft, low voice. Though her eyes were hard, her voice was as soft as the softest of rose petals. She too could play this little game of lets trick Maelee, though her words were dark. "But have you heard mine? Do you know what it's like for me? Can you read my mind and feel what I'm feeling?" Cerridwen asked and reached out to put a hand over his heart. "To feel your heart bleeding, slowly, to know it will never heal, and even after death, it will continue to bleed?" She murmured.

"I hope you, would never have to experience that, even if you were my arch enemy, never would I wish a fate upon anyone." Cerridwen shook her head pulling back her hand. "I've said this to Eryk, and now I will say this to you, in hopes that you will stand by me on this. Before Eryk tries to make me, or you or anyone else for that matter happy...he deserves to find a light, and make himself happy. I let him go, in hopes that one day he will come back. He is free from whatever has confined him, and he is certainly free to do as he pleases. I cannot control the beast that lies within nor will I try to anymore. It only proves to be pointless. If you came here...to hurt me, to make me feel worse then I already do, well I'm afraid to say that you can't do that. No matter how much you tell me, no matter how much you try to hurt me, to tell me he's moved on, that doesn't change my love for him. You may think I did wrong, that I did this to hurt him, that I'm happy without him. Who are you to know what I'm feeling? Thinking? Eryk has mastered the art of masking, masking his feelings, his emotions, maybe I've learned a thing or two as well." Cerridwen said nodding.

"Maelee, if he wants to visit her then by all means. Take her with you if you'd like. She's not my sister. She's not my responsibility, I take her in, I take care of her because I love her as if she were my own. I try. I'm still learning, to cook, to work, to provide for her, but perhaps Eryk can do better, perhaps you and Eryk together can do far better then me, who knows." Cerridwen nodded "I'm not going to fight you though." Cerridwen said at last.

Cerridwen turned her back to him to get a tissue and blow her nose. "I will not fight you. You call me kitty-kat, you call me your names, but as hard as you may try I won't fight back anymore. Who am I fighting? For what?" She asked. "To prove to you that I'm more worthy of Eryk's love? That I can take better care of him? We've seen how well I can take care of the Davidson children. I fail. You win. Take them Take them both if you wish" Cerridwen flourished her hand. "But never...never do I ever want to hear you say I didn't love them, that I still don't because you and I both know that's not true." Cerridwen said almost in a hiss. Her voice came out...well as if she almost had a lisp, then again she had a cold, so her words probably didn't give off the effect she wanted, but it didn't matter. As long as she got the bloody point across.

"Every day, every moment, I wonder what he's doing if he's happy, if he'll come back. I can't wait for him...I have to go on with my life, but I won't forget him." Cerrridwen said.

Her blue eyes looked over him again as she grew silent. He could hurt her, say cruel things to her, tell her she was an unfit guardian, he could say all of those things to her, but it didn't mean she didn't love them. Mae and Eryk both. He may be laughing but she wasn't. She didn't see what was so funny about Eryk's sanity. She found nothing of the sort funny about it but, then again Nat was....special in more then just a few ways, this was the sort of thing he would laugh at, the sort of thing he would make fun of.

"Now if you'll excuse me, I had bought Mae-bee a piece of pie to make up for the crap Grilled Cheeses she's been having to eat for the past week... I'd like to go give it to her, if she hasn't found it already. Is there anything more you'd like to discuss before I leave?" Cerridwen asked, her eyes cold, her voice no longer soft...just...there. Cerridwen would never like Nat...but she had promised Eryk she would be civilized and civil she would be. Until for some reason Eryk said she could attack the twit, but even then...she doubt she would do anything. Choose and pick your battles. Choose and pick very carefully...and this one...just wasn't worth it.

[natsumi]

He'd chosen his words so very carefully, he'd laughed, and laced everything with as much pain causing acid as he could. Yet all he got was a glare or two. Nothing. Either the woman was numb from her sickness, or she just didn't care. From the last time they'd met she'd been so full of fire lashing out at him. Now she seemed so lifeless. The only difference he could see was that she was sick. Was she hiding her feelings? Or did she just not feel anymore? He leaned back from her his hand going to the back of his head.

"Either you're better at hiding emotions than Eryk or you really don't feel anything." Then she touched his chest and he stared down at that hand. He was used to people randomly touching him because of his job, but this wasn't like that. The things they were talking about was far from what his job entailed. This kind of touching confused him. So intimate yet not at all sexual. He started to feel his little act slip but he laughed. Reaching down he went to grab her hand and kiss the back of it while giving her dark eyes. Dark eyes he gave to his audience to make them think maybe, just maybe, they'd see a little more.

"You can't feel something bleed if it's already dead, Kitty." Natsumi chuckled and backed away from her as her hand dropped. He clasped his hand behind his head and wandered around the room some more. This wasn't nearly as exciting as he'd hoped. The girl was so calm. It was slightly irritating. He'd come for what she'd guessed, a fight. Instead he got this dismal scene before him. Guess he'd have something good to tell Eryk after all. [/i]"Dude you're girl friend has lost it. Complete zombie."[/i] There had to be way to get her fire back. That didn't involve getting Eryk here.

Sighing he turned to her and dropped his hands to his sides. "You keep her. Our place isn't a place for little girls. Far as I can tell you're actually doing a pretty darn good job." Even though he hated to admit that it was true. Their little bachelor pad was no place for a seven year old. Other than the food thing Cerridwen looked to be doing the very best that she could do.

"Yeah, I came here to fight. I came here to make you pay for what you've done to him. But it looks like he's messed you up too." He crossed his arms behind his back each hand grasping an elbow as he rocked on his heels. His face, his stance, in that one moment, screamed at how young he really was. The way he tilted his head in apology, the softness in his eyes, the childish action of the rocking. All of it ripped down the image that he held up. That he was older than he was. Most pegged him at eighteen or nineteen. But he was years younger. The innocence that should have been there had been ripped away. Died at the hands of strangers night by night in a dark room.

Then he stopped rocking, his arms came to delve into his pockets and that veil slipped right back over. It was like an entire different person stood before her. Someone a bit taller, a bit older, a bit colder. Like it was an older brother, but not the lost innocence that had flashed before her. Not realizing what he'd just done he thought on what she said.

"You know I'm not the only one who thinks you don't love him." His eyes rolled up wards as he spoke, and he chuckled again. "And you're wrong I got what I know out of him when I got him slamming drunk. He spilled it then, once. Ever sense then he doesn't speak of it, or you really." No, it causes him too much pain to speak of you. "Doesn't even touch alcohol. Too afraid what else I might find out I guess."

As she started to leave he wanted to attack her. To kill her, then everything would go back to normal. Without her Eryk would be able to move on. While she was still breathing there was still the possibility for her to bring his best friend pain. His eyes narrowed and he felt his veins burn with the need, the loathing. In an instant he was beside her at the door he hand on the door handle. He kept his head tilted down wards his long bangs hiding his eyes. Natsumi's voice stayed soft and low as he stood before her.

"He misses you. I'm...I'm not good enough for him. He-he doesn't see me. Please, just tell him you love him. I know you've 'let him free' but he doesn't do well with freedom. Wolves need packs. He needs more than me in his life...Cerridwen." This hurt so much to admit this. "He loves you. Only you. If you truly love him, please. Please, take him back. I can't stand to see him in this much pain. He means...he means more to me than..." He means to you. Dropping his hand he crossed his arms still not looking up. He was just enough to the side that she could open the door and leave.

"I went running. Running to get away from the city. I found a bloody body in the woods. A body drowning in pain. I took that body home. There might not be anymore blood, but the pain is still there." Nat turned his head to the side revealing wet eyes, but the tears had yet to fall. "He might get better. Without you. But he'll never laugh in that way...the way that child laughs. Light and full of life. I can't give him that life, and it looks like you're too scared to try anymore."

He propped his heel against the wall his nerves dying to hurt her. To rip her hair out. The laughter hadn't worked, let's see if cold hard truth does. "I f*cking hate you. Because you take away my friend. Because you cause him pain. Because he loves you and not me. I f*cking hate you, because you're given his love and you toss it in the gutter. Not even Xavier did that."[/color]

[©erridwen Corrigan]

He wanted fire? Nat wanted to bring out the fire in the kitty kat? Comparing her to Xavier was one way of doing that. Pulling him by the wrist taking him as if her were a child(Though in reality he basically was) and slammed him against a pantry door. "How DARE you compare me to Xavier" She hissed her forehead resting on his her eyes ablaze. He wanted to light fire? He wanted to be roughed about a bit? She had no problem, as long as she didn't seriously injure him and didn't kill him, then she was alright. "I will never be worse then Xavier. Xavier treated him as if he were an object, a thing. ERYK DAVIDSON IS NOT A THING HE IS NOT AN OBJECT TO PLAY TUG-O-WAR WITH" She hissed loudly. Whatever voice that was soft before was now gone and rough.

"Eryk is not an object" She uttered, her voice dropping. "He's a person, a real person. A person I care about deeply. How the f*ck can you say I don't care? How can you think I took his love and tossed it in the gutter?" She asked and slammed his shoulders once more back before letting go all together. She shook her head and turned her back to him growing silent.

Silently covering her mouth with her hand, the tears came down her face, like a dam broke, the water flowed down freely. She didn't want him to see her like this. If he saw her like this, then he wouldn't think she was strong enough to handle Eryk. She was. Cerridwen knew she was, but with everything going on....with everything that's happened--Cerridwen inhaled deeply and quickly wiped away the tears that had come. "Eryk thinks he's no better then...a rag. A rag doll. Because he's use to being played with, and then tossed aside until later use...he's not my rag doll. He's my love. My boyfriend, was my fiance...." She uttered "Not...not to be treated like some-some dog, some doll, something to be used and then thrown away for later use" She said harshly, bitterly, more then noticeably, angry.

"I didn't send him away, I was told to, to set him free, to let him work issues out on his own but maybe this angel was wrong..." She murmured shaking her head. Cerridwen's hair fell over her face, hiding the few tears falling. Though they slid down her face in silence and hidden there was no mistaking seeing them fall to the earth and then making a splash on the tile floor.

"You don't understand how hard it's been, on me, on Maeleeown." She whispered "I try to let Eryk come and go as he pleases, I try to let him do what he wants, I try to set rules, I've tried this and I've tried that, and nothing I do seems to work with him! Everything, every time, something...goes wrong. I'm not for him. He doesn't want to be with me. You love him. You love him more. Take him." She uttered. "Just don't cause him the pain and hurt as I once did." Cerridwen whispered sadly. With that she wept. He had accused her of such horrid things, as if she didn't try, as if she didn't love him, as if...she just didn't care. Well he was wrong. Terribly, terribly wrong. Cerridwen's back was to him, she didn't want to look at him. "Yo-y-you need to leav-leave n-now" She murmured as Cerridwen moved to hunch over the sink. There she just leaned against the counter and wept.

Sometimes it really did feel honestly good to let everything out, to let someone know, she didn't do this because she thought it was a good idea, she thought about doing it...but his mother told her too. She only wanted what was best for Eryk, and now on top of that, she was running a fever no doubt, she had been the last few nights, and she was sick, and crying over someone she needed to set free. Someone who needed to not lie...to not suffer to try and make her happy. He was her equal. Cerridwen did not think herself to be superior to him, him or anyone else.

Cerridwen was simply a fae. A fae who wanted to marry the crazy boy who tripped over her flowers, finally answer the crazy boy's sister when she asks if her and her brother will ever have children for her to play with, and most of all, she wanted her house on the edge of the forest, for herself, that crazy boy, and their children to live in, live in and be quite happy.

The question was...would she ever tell anyone this? Could Nat sense this? Could he tell she wanted nothing more then the happiness she right about now deserved. She has felt nothing but pain, seeing Eryk in pain, knowing he was lying to her to make her happy, seeing Mae in such a state, didn't Cerridwen and Eryk both deserve their happiness? Together or apart? Didn't they? She wanted to break things...and ask. Ask why they weren't getting the happiness they finally deserved. Xavier was gone, Eryk was free of him, she was free of him, his best friend was here, Why? Why couldn't they even...get a little piece of it just a little tiny...

piece....

[natsumi]

So it was the mentioning of Xavier that was the trigger to get the kitty's claws. He laughed as she yanked him around and shoved at him. He laughed and thrilled in her actually acting like a person. Laughter probably wasn't what she was aiming for probably threatening him and sounding so very angry would hopefully anger him. Or maybe make him feel bad, or even make him scared. He'd dealt with far scarier people than this little cat. So he laughed.

Nat hooked his ankle over the other and crossed his arms smiling as the girl retreated. "You're not like Xavier? Please. If what you're doing isn't tossing him aside over and over again what is?" His voice remained light now that he'd gotten what he wanted. Though now her stance had changed, and her voice wasn't nearly as hard.

"If you cared you'd accept him for who he is. You wouldn't be repulsed by his wolf. People like you think they're all good and understanding when you're really just a fraggin' hypocrit!" He barked unhooking himself to walk around to her front. Then he froze. "Ah, sh*t! You're crying! What the hell? Eryk says you don't cry. I thought...well sh*t f*ck!"

He kicked at nothing storming away to punch the refridgerator. As she spoke he raged silently pacing the room. He'd made her cry. F*ck! Now Eryk was going to be pissed. "I can't take him! Don't you get it? He doesn't love me! No matter how much I want him to he doesn't." Laughing he shook his head doing his best to keep his voice light and chipper. "Wolf fell in love with the cat. Cat don't like that. Kitty got claws. Well, wolves have fangs sweetie, and if you kep pushing he's gonna bite those pretty claws of yours."

No, stopping now. Even if she was crying. He hated it when girls cried. It was like they used it as a weapon to make guys feel bad. Well, he wasn't gonna back down. Too late now that window is done and broke. "I'm not leaving. Not until you realized you f*cked up. Not until you promise to go back to him! He needs you." Going over to her he pushed at her shoulder gently trying to make her turn to face him.

"I can try and help. Spend one night with him. That's all I ask." Natsumi whispered his hand on the sink near her's. "Hold him and don't let go. Scream at him, let him scream, don't let him leave. Kiss him. Beat the hell out of him. Let out all these pent up emotions on him, not me." Hesitant he reached out a hand to touch her shoulder.

"Cerridwen, he really does miss you, but he's too afraid to try and go back. What if you push him away again?" Her crying was really getting to him. Taking a deep breath he tilted his head back swallowing back his own water works. "Spend a night in a place where no memories between you lie. Tear each other to pieces emotionally, and physically if it would make you feel better. I know you probably don't want to hurt him but he responds to pain."

Why the hell was he helping her? Helping her steal him away? Because it was the best for Eryk..."If you showed him this." He waved at the tears. "Showed him all the crap you hide. Do you know how much that'll help him? To be able to comfort you? Sometimes people heal the best when they're helping others." Stepping away from her he started for the door.

"Once you've torn all the walls down. Screamed, scratched, kicked, and cried. Start over. Kiss and make up, and start over. It'll hurt, and it'll be messy. But..." At the door he stopped and smiled. "It'll be worth it. Trust me, okay? I'm not asking you to like me. Just trust me." With that he opened the door and walked into the room where Mae was.

The little girl sat with the radio as close to her as it would get with the music rather loud. In her hand was a paint brush, and in the other was some pie. When he came out she glanced over at him but didn't say a word. He was smiling at her like nothing was wrong. Only her Nattie could face the darkness with a smile and a laugh. He knelt by her and kissed her cheek then whispered. "Go give your Ri-Ri a big hug for me okay?"

Maelee nodded and sat down her brush and pie. She glanced at him standing there staring at the flowers before rushing in to see Cerridwen. Not caring what happened, not caring if her adoptive mom was okay or not the little girl run up arms wide. "Ri-Ri!" Maeleeown wrapped her arms tight around Cerridwen not hearing the door's little bell over the music tinkle as Natsumi left. No good-bye. No hug. But that was just Nattie. He didn't do good-byes. He just did bye.