i did the wrong thing to the right girl {Kel!}

[҉ Kenneth Lorne]

Kenneth Lorne
can we talk?

Kellan Callahan
I guess. The park by your place, tomorrow at 6?

Kenneth Lorne
thnx. c u there

It was ten to six and Ken was at the park, waiting for his girlfriend... er, ex-girlfriend, to come meet him. He'd actually shown up at five-thirty, but he had his music and a book to keep him company while he waited. Every now and then he'd look up, hoping to see her blonde, windswept hair gravitating towards him.

He wasn't the most subtle park-goer. He was wearing a white T and a pair of white pants, sitting in a tree just off the sidewalk. It wasn't the biggest park, so a rather large man occupying one of the few trees on the property wearing bright colours in the early autumn air was much like a freshly cracked glow stick in a pitch black room.

As each minute ticked by, his heart sped up and his stomach tightened. Though he looked fairly calm and cool, sitting casually listening to his iPod, he'd actually read the same sentence in his book six or seven times. He glanced up surreptitiously again, not wanting to appear anxious, even though that was the biggest understatement of the century.

He knew Kellan had every right to stand him up. He'd been a jerk, and with a little help from his friends, he finally realized it. And after an entire summer of being apart from the girl he'd been seeing for what felt like forever, the inevitable claws of loneliness lashed out and tore him to pieces.

He read over the same sentence three more times, but if you asked him he'd have no idea what it said. The young man's mind was whirring into overtime as 5:55 flicked onto the screen of his mp3 player. He thought about texting her, but restrained himself. It wasn't 6 yet, and he shouldn't even be thinking about trying to contact her before then. Ken's knee bounced up and down as his agitation grew, but he stopped when the tree started shaking. Nerves were not going to be his friend today. He found himself wishing for the whiskey he'd bought in preparation for Tristan's birthday, but forgot to bring to the party with him. He could see it clearly in his mind's eye, on his desk next to his laptop... How does someone forget to bring their booze to a party?

He managed to occupy his mind with memories of the party, and this helped keep him distracted from worrying too much about the impending meeting. Part of him kept sneering that she wouldn't show up, but a much bigger part knew she wouldn't. Kellan was a lot of things, and he knew for a fact she wasn't cruel. At least, he hoped so.

[Kellan Grace Callahan]

The subject line was what caught her attention first. 'i miss u". It was late, just after midnight, and Kellan decided to do the same thing every college student did before he or she went to sleep: log on to Facebook. When she read the subject line and saw who it was from, her heart jumped, but not the same way her heart would jump two and a half months ago. It was the kind of jump that occurred when you were watching a scary movie and you expected the killer to be in one place, and then BAM!, he totally blindsides you and pops out from somewhere else.

Kenneth Lorne wasn't a murderer, but Kellan was completely and absolutely blindsided by his message. Once she opened it an read that he wanted them to talk, she stared at the screen for twenty-three minutes before she was able to reply. She almost told him no, that she really didn't feel like talking to him, but she couldn't. She did want to see him and she did want to talk to him, as much as she tried to convince herself and everyone else otherwise.

So at 6:03 p.m. the next day, Kellan found herself a block away from the park she told Kenneth to meet her at. She would have been on time, early perhaps, if she hadn't stopped to have a mild panic attack before she got there. Her brain was moving a million times faster than her feet. What did he want to talk about? Did he want them to fix things? Did he want to tell her about all of the girls he'd met this summer? Did he want to think her for making him see the light, because breaking up with her was the best decision he'd ever made in his life? As terrified as she was, Kellan knew that she couldn't avoid Kenneth forever. They were going to have to have this talk that he wanted at some point, so she might as well get it over with now, like ripping off a bandaid.

By the time she got to the park, it was almost ten after six. At first she thought that Kenneth stood her up or that he got tired of waiting for her, but then she saw the contrast of his white clothing with the browns and greens of the tree on the other side of the park.

It wasn't the first time they'd seen each other since she got back to New York. They were both at Tristan Dell's 21st birthday party at Dempsey's pub in the East Village two nights before. The only difference then was that she'd done everything in her power to avoid him, and he hadn't made an effort to talk to her either.

Tonight was different though. Tonight she was going to stop acting like a child and be mature. Kellan took a deep breath before she started across the park, winding around the playground and stopping in front of the tree that Kenneth had occupied. She tried to smile, even just a fake one, but she couldn't.

"You look like Jacob in that outfit," she greeted, hoping Kenneth would catch her "Lost" reference, otherwise she'd look pretty dumb. It was the first words either of them had spoken to each other in over two months.


-p.s. NYC has over 1,700 parks...

[҉ Kenneth Lorne]

"Wha- oh. Yeah," Ken plucked the ear buds out of his ears the moment he saw Kellan, and her comment on his attire made him look down and re-analyze. "I've come to tell you that Hurley is God."

He gripped one of the branches and swung down with one arm, miraculously looking more like an acrobat than a gorilla. He tucked the book into the back of his pants, and shoved the ear buds into his front pocket.

"Thanks for coming," It was impossible to hide the gratitude in his voice. The expression on his face when he looked at her was so mixed. He was torn between happiness and remorse, but the most obvious of all his twisted emotions was the anxiety. The last ten minutes had been torture, wondering if he should text or call, give up hope, keep hoping... then she showed up, looking fabulous as always. He knew the weather was beginning to get colder, so this would likely be one of the last times he saw those fantastic legs of hers. Oh God he missed her. He just wanted to pull her into his arms and never let go, but he knew very well he couldn't do that. Not after the way he'd freaked out at her.

"Look, I just wanted to say I'm sorry. You know I'm not the smartest guy in the world, but I've been hiding behind that excuse for way too long. This summer has been..." Ken ran an unsteady hand through his hair whilst he struggled to find the right adjective, "... awful. There's no other way to describe it. I missed you every day, and I want you to forgive me and take me back. I know that's a lot to ask though, so I'm hoping you'll at least give me a chance?" Ken looked from her flip flops to her face, and tried his hardest not to look as nervous as he really was.

The guy might be older than Kellan, but right now he felt like a little kid, asking if there was a chance he could be ungrounded for stealing Josh's pokemon cards. It was one of those soul-bearing moments where he was prepared to take a knife to the heart if it meant maybe he had a chance of earning her forgiveness. He didn't want the knife, obviously, but Ken knew he deserved as much. But he'd been trying to do right by her, from a distance, online too, being a good guy. He wanted to show her that he hadn't changed, but rather realized he was wrong. Sure, some of the things he wrote made her uncomfortable, which wasn't his intention. But he wanted her to know that he still thought of her. And that she was still important to him.

((Lmao, I was unaware. Thanks for the heads up, I can be super lazy when it comes to researching these things >.<))

[Kellan Grace Callahan]

Kellan couldn't remember the last time she had seen Kenneth nervous. In fact, she couldn't remember seeing him nervous ever. She was the one who couldn't keep her hands from shaking when she introduced him to her brother and then her parents later on, and she was the one who felt sick to her stomach when he went off for that stupid, dangerous TV competition. Kenneth was invincible and seeing him anxious made her uneasy. She was used to Kenneth being the strong one, the one who assured her that things would be fine. Seeing him vulnerable gave her a bad feeling.

She waited for it; for him to tell her how much better off he was without her, but he didn't. He was apologizing. He had missed her for months. He was asking for her forgiveness. He wanted her back. As Kellan stared at the boy before her, her head started to spin. Her heart thudded against her chest and she was sure that she was going to throw up.

"That's not fair," she she squeaked out, not realizing that a lump had formed in her throat until she tried to talk. Any time she thought she might be on the brink of tears around Kenneth, around anyone really, Kellan always did such a good job of forcing them back. Tonight, Kenneth had caught her too off guard for her to even try.

"You can't tell me that," she told him, shaking her head. "I spent an entire summer trying to get over you and how you made me feel so unwanted, and now you're telling me that you missed me this whole time?"

She was going to kill him. He was basically telling her that all of that heartache she went through since the moment she stormed out of his apartment that night was for nothing. Because once again, Kenneth Lorne couldn't express to her how he felt. Kellan knew she was going to cry, and for once she didn't have the strength to stop herself. The blonde's lip quivered and her eyes glossed over. She tried to swallow but she couldn't. She blinked once, twice, three times. The tears came after the third blink.

"Why wouldn't you say something then? Why would you wait until now, after two and a half months when I was finally able to convince myself that I'm okay without you?"

She hated him right then.

[҉ Kenneth Lorne]

Oh shit.

The thought became an unwelcome earworm, repeating over and over in his head like a bad club mix. Just as Kellan made her observation about Kenneth being nervous, Ken knew what a rarity it was when Kellan cried. More than her indignation when she told him it wasn't fair, and more than telling him that he made her feel unwanted, seeing her break down like that not only twisted the knife in his heart, but tore all the way through. Watching her cry was the most painful experience of his life, and the guy was once hit by an 18-wheeler.

He wanted to tell her not to cry, but she somehow was able to talk through the tears. He could hear his own turmoil in her voice, and his fists clenched to stop himself from doing something stupid.

"...You... weren't talking to me." He didn't mean to make it sound like he was blaming her, but he honestly couldn't think of another reason for why he hadn't tried to contact her earlier. When she said 'then', when exactly was she talking about? He was a hurt that she just admitted she was over him, but her wet cheeks assured him otherwise. If that was true, she wouldn't have a reason to cry, and as terrible as her tears made him feel, they gave him hope.

He wanted to hug her. She looked so miserable right now. Did he dare risk being lashed out at if he tried? He could see her pushing him away, could feel that knife twist even further into his chest, but if there was the slightest chance she might take comfort from his arms around her like she once did, he knew it would be worth it. So after a moment's hesitation, he stepped closer and wrapped her in a loose embrace.

"I know I have really bad timing," He looked down at her, "so if you don't want to forgive me right now, I'll try again later. I just... I don't want either of us to end up... like Dorian," Talk about bad timing, but he didn't have much heartbreak to compare to. "I don't want you to regret right now the way I regret the Thursday that started this all." He knew it sounded cocky, to basically tell her that he thought he was worth regretting, but he had no idea how else to word it. This was really tough for him, and he wasn't sure how many more times he could expose his poor heart to her. Not when he constantly feared she'd rip it out.

[Kellan Grace Callahan]

Kellan didn't even care that she was crying. She knew that she would be completely embarrassed later, but right then, standing in front of Kenneth at some park that she didn't even know the name of, she didn't care. Somehow over the last two years, Kenneth had brought out so many emotions in Kellan. He could make her heart flutter, irritate her more than anyone she had ever met, make her laugh until she couldn't breathe, and, for the second time in just a few months' time, make her cry.

"Kenneth, I wasn't talking to you because you broke up with me," she pointed out. "What would make me think you wanted to talk to me after you told me you didn't care if I found a new boyfriend?" She didn't understand him. That was a horrible excuse and she wondered if he knew that. Didn't he know how bad he had hurt her? That she barely passed her exams because all she could do was think about what had gone wrong instead of studying? That she was miserable for weeks?

Kellan knew she wasn't innocent in the whole breakup. She was the one who suggested that maybe they should put their relationship on the back burner over the summer. That couldn't have made Kenneth feel too great. But she hadn't said a work about calling it quits on their relationship. That was all Kenneth.

She surprisingly didn't push Kenneth away when he wrapped his arms around her. Kellan shut her eyes tightly, promising herself that whatever tears fell when she opened her eyes would be the last ones she would cry in front of the boy whose embrace once calmed her completely but now just made her tense up more.

With a sniffle, Kellan slowly opened her eyes and immediately wiped her final tears away with the palm of her hand. She took a deep, slow breath before stepping back until she was out of his arms. She started to reach out, like maybe she was going to take his hand, but she hesitated before dropping her own hand back to her side.

"I'm still really mad at you," she said in a quiet voice. She didn't know what to do. Did she give him another shot? Did she tell him that he lost her when he broke her heart? She wanted to be with him again. God, did she want to be with him. But Kellan just didn't think she was ready to make herself that vulnerable again.

[҉ Kenneth Lorne]

So she thought that he didn't want anything to do with her? He took a moment to digest this. What signs had he given to indicate that he wanted her back? He supposed his constant, silent pining wouldn't have clued her in, not when she was halfway across the world for the entire summer. Wow, he was even more of an asshole than he already thought.

"I didn't mean it," He muttered, "If you came back with another boyfriend I might've pounded his face in." Ken tried to make it sound like a joke, but the idea of Kellan being with someone else really, really disgusted him. She definitely deserved someone else, but just thinking about it made him want to commit some act of destructive violence. He never thought of himself as a very jealous boyfriend before, but then again no one had ever really given him reason to be possessive.

He liked to act all tough and confident. His friends would describe him as a cocky asshole most of the time, hopefully with a hint of fondness in their tone. It wasn't until this summer that Ken realized just how weak, just how vulnerable he really was when one of his biggest support pillars was removed from his structure. Kellan was a pretty petite girl, but she was the girl. His girl. And without her, he just crumbled. If he got her back, everything would be better again.

He needed someone to laugh with when Horatio dropped a new one-liner on Thursday nights. He needed someone to think about when he was at the supermarket in the ice cream aisle. It was so obvious to him now; Kenneth Lorne need Kellan Callahan. Life seriously sucked without her.

I'm still really mad at you, She told him. Ken's eyes flicked down to her hand that almost touched him, and his heart fluttered. Yes, as girlish as it sounds, his heart fluttered.

"I know. And you're definitely allowed to be," He was allowing himself to hope again. "We... we can take things slow. We don't have to go right back to where we left off. In fact, we could just start over," Ken flashed her a grin, but the uncertainty behind it stopped it from reaching his eyes. "I can serenade you with more Enrique if you want."

He'd be lying if the infamous lyrics didn't spring to his head at once.

You can run, you can hide, but you can't escape my love.

Yeah, that pretty much summed it up.

[Kellan Grace Callahan]

He didn't mean it . Deep down inside, Kellan always knew that Kenneth hadn't meant most of the things he said to her that night, or if he did mean them he probably didn't mean for them to cut as sharp and as deep as they did. But they were young and stupid kids and young and stupid kids said rash and stupid things, even if they hurt.

"I don't want to just start over. We were okay. We were more than okay for so long," she reminded him. Though she had stopped crying, it was clear that Kellan was sad. Talking to Kenneth made her sad. Looking at Kenneth and being with Kenneth made her sad.

Kellan had done such a good job so far, especially since she'd been back in New York, of being the tough girl, but it was easier to keep her emotions in check when she wasn't standing face to face, just feet away from the one person who made her feel so many stomach-turning feelings in the last few months.

"We just… I don't know what we did. We messed up somewhere."

Kellan played the blame game all summer. It was his fault because he was the one who broke up with her. No, it was her fault because she basically threatened him with a break. No, it was his fault for blowing her off when she spilled her heart to him. No, it was her fault for waiting so long to tell him how much it bothered her. Whoever's fault it was, though she honestly knew that it was a fair combination of both of them, they couldn't change the past. So where were they supposed to go from there?

She reached for his hand again, but this time she didn't chicken out. With little hesitation, Kellan took his left hand in her right and delivered a weak but real smile. She wanted to tell him yes, that she wanted to be with him again and that he was completely forgiven, but she couldn't. Not yet anyway, so she gave him everything she could.

"I'm not saying no. I'm just saying not now," she promised.

[҉ Kenneth Lorne]

He let out a breath he hadn't realized he was holding and nodded. Yeah, he didn't want to start over. How would that work, anyway? They already had so much history between them, it would've been impossible to ignore that and try something new. With those complications pushed aside, Kenneth could easily agree with everything Kellan said.

"It was bound to happen," He returned her faint smile, "I mean, we were so perfect for so long. Something had to give," It just sucked that the pipe burst right before summer. They'd missed out on so much while their relationship leaked. He was so tired of the dripping that he wanted to duct tape it for now and worry about a long-term solution later.

Her hand in his felt right again, and he gave it a gentle squeeze. Her words, though not definite, were like the breath of fresh air he'd been waiting for the entire season.

"Not now," He repeated, "but not a no," Ken nodded, pressing his lips together as he thought about what that could mean, "I'm okay with that." Of course he'd been hoping for a best-case scenario where she flew back into his arms with a husky and desperate 'Take me now', but he also knew Kellan Callahan and how impossible that was. This might not be his ideal, but it was certainly a hell of a lot better than the worst-case scenario his overactive imagination conjured up. He'd take it, and he'd be happy about it.

"Alright," Where did they go from here? "So we just take things slow, then?" He knew he already said it, but this time he was looking for a confirmation. Taking things slow was definitely something he was familiar with. He could do it again for sure.

[Kellan Grace Callahan]

"Slow," Kellan agreed, nodding. She let go of his hand, but she did it was a tiny smile. A real one, not something she conjured up because she wanted to appear much braver than she actually was.

She hated how weird this was. Despite being steps away from Kenneth, despite just holding his hand in hers, she felt like he was miles from her. She didn't even feel so distanced from him this summer when she was on another continent. She wanted so badly to just take the steps forward into the embrace she knew he'd offer, tell him they were okay again, and get over whatever this was, but she knew she couldn't give in like that.

"We can do the friends thing, right?" she asked. "For now?" It was going to be weird. Really weird. They were never just friends before. Though she never would have admitted it then, she'd been smitten with him ever since their first date when he changed the words to "Dear Prudence" and sang "Dear Kellan" instead. From that moment on, Kellan's heart never stood a chance; she was in like with Kenneth Lorne. It took a while, but that like grew into something more.

Friends was something completely unfamiliar.

The trees around them rustled from the wind and Kellan wished that she hadn't been so stubborn and unwilling to let summer and its weather go. The sun was going down and Kellan regretted the tank top, shorts, and flip-flops she put on earlier. She crossed her arms in an unsuccessful attempt to stay warm, but she felt the goosebumps rise on her arms and legs anyway.

It made her look small, afraid, and insecure, which honestly was a perfection description of how she felt. She looked down at her feet, thinking that sneakers would have been a better option than her favorite sandals, before she glanced back up at the boy who broke her heart.

"I still love you, Kenneth," she told him as an afterthought. "Nothing changes that." She felt that it was important that he knew that, and that she wasn't giving up on him. On them. She didn't know how long this weird in-between period was going to last them. She supposed that was really up to her, but she wasn't sure when, or even if, she'd be willing to completely hand her heart back over to him again.

[҉ Kenneth Lorne]

Slow he could do. Kenneth had plenty of practice with slow. But doing the whole 'friends thing'... even her temporary qualification, 'for now', was going to be difficult for him to agree to. Alas, Ken was in no position to bargain - he's already got more than he could have hoped for. He could agree right now, tell her yes! he could do the 'friends thing', but in all honesty he didn't really know how. Kellan had been his, and that moment where it all felt so definite was when she tried not to cry in the abandoned movie theatre she took him to as a surprise date, when she found the old film reels were missing. When he realized Kellan cared about him as much as he cared about her. That he wasn't the only one panicking, trying to make everything perfect in their relationship.

"We uh... I guess we can try that," His doubt was so transparent he wondered if there was any way to cover it up. Did he want to? Kellan had to know how weird that would be. Before he even asked her out, Kellan was this gorgeous, popular girl he might've fantasized about between supermodels when his overactive imagination decided to be more realistic. Still, even then, it always seemed like a long shot. What could some gossip-monger like him ever offer such a cool girl like Kellan? He'd never really given the possibility of something long-term a thought, and when he saw her leaving the library that one afternoon, with his To-Do List still incomplete (#15, Make a stranger smile), he threw caution to the wind and pulled what he still thought to be one of the gutsiest moves he'd ever made. The boy was certain she'd think he was a freak (which she did), and that she'd shoot him down (which she did). Bullying her into accepting a date with him was one thing. Kellan actually showing up was another.

The thought of their earlier dates made his troubled brows smooth out and his lips twitch. They'd been young and stupid then, and he could only hope that today meant they were smartening up. If just a little. A breeze swept by and Kellan hugged herself, and Kenneth opened his mouth to comment, but she interrupted.

I still love you, Kenneth, she told him, Nothing changes that.

This time it wasn't 4am. This time he wasn't practically sleepwalking when she said it. And this time, he knew exactly what he wanted to say.

"I missed you so much this summer. Every day just dragged on and on, which made it that much longer where you weren't with me. I'm actually kinda grateful though, as weird as it is to say," He scratched his head, wondering if he was crazy, "Because losing you made me realize how much I need you. And how much I loved you, and how much I will always love you."

So... they could start that whole friends thing after this confession.