Post by eryk on Dec 6, 2008 17:13:43 GMT -5
She was being quiet, and it worry crept through him like a cold mist. When she got quiet like this bad things tended to come out of her mouth afterward. Sad things, or angry things, or both. He took a deep breath to prepare himself just in time for her to start talking. The first part wasn't all that bad, just her reasoning the baby scare. Not bad at all, and he actually relaxed a bit in relief. Setting down his sandwich he rubbed his hands over her arms trying to comfort her.
Guilt pricked at him as she spoke of her different sources of stress, and his hands dropped going to his pockets. This is where the bad stuff came in then. Words of how much she feared Xavier and what that man might to do her, him, each of their families, and maybe their child. It wasn't like all those things hadn't run through his mind a million times over the past week. He wanted to protect her, to protect everyone, and he knew he couldn't.
"Rae?" Eryk turned to face the counter hands braced against the counter top. He refused to drag anyone else into this mess than he already had. Rae had offered to help before but this was his battle. His problem. His fault. No one seemed to understand that he wanted, needed to do this on his own. He'd chosen Xavier a long time ago and now he was paying the price for it. It was his burden, his to take care of. Why didn't she understand that? How many times did he have to explain this...
At times when she had a lot to say he found it best, and safest to just keep his mouth shut till she was done. Even if he was also suffering from stress, from fear, from worry. Even if the week had affected him as well. But she was important and she had enough problems without him ranting to her about the fact that he was freaked out too. He didn't even want to touch on the fact that he felt like she only wanted to marry him so that Xavier couldn't have him. Not because she loved him but to have one up on Xavier. Like it was some sort of game of tug-o-war and Eryk just so happened to be the rope in-between them. When her voice cracked, and she hiccuped he moved his head to gaze at her. Was she crying?
"Cerridwen..." She buried her face into her arm and his heart twisted. He'd caused this. "Cerridwen, I'm sorry."
Eryk frowned not remembering ever seeing her like this. In the past Cerridwen was the strong one, the one who stood like a stone fortress in the storm. Now she looked like the broken one. Is this what she had felt when he acted like this? This wave of suffering choking helplessness. This inability to help the one that meant the most. His arms ached to pull her close but he had this feeling like she just needed space right now. Both of them seemed to need a lot of space lately. Was it a sign? That they were slowly...separating.
Her ramblings about the baby and Christmas meant nothing. Baby or no baby he needed to take care of her now, to make her happy now. He didn't care if this was their eightieth Christmas that was something to worry about later. Now he needed to make her smile again. All this stress and worry most of it was caused by him or side of affects of her being with him. The baby, his fault for not wearing something. Xavier, so much his fault it hurt. The house, her idea but she wanted it with him so his fault yet again. Their fights, if he'd just do what she asked and loved her like he should there wouldn't be fights. He was such a failure at being a boy friend. He was supposed to love her and make her life heaven full of happiness. Not torment and tears. How could he fix this? It felt so lost and broken that there was no going back. At times like this he thought...that for her it would have been better if she had never met him that day in the garden.
Her kiss...felt like dead rose petals on his lips. When she hopped in front of him on the counter he pushed a smile. He'd love her. He'd give her everything good left inside of him. No matter what he would make her happy. Somehow, someday. The counter made her taller than he was, so going up on tip toe he pushed his hands gently against her cheeks and into her raven locks.
"I love you. I will protect you. I will make you happy, Cerridwen." Even if it kills me. Eyes closed he kissed her like tomorrow was his last day to live. Like this would be the last time he ever touched her velvet lips with his. He kissed her as if death was standing behind him holding the scythe ready. The reapers voice whispered along his mind promising him that his wish would indeed be granted.
Guilt pricked at him as she spoke of her different sources of stress, and his hands dropped going to his pockets. This is where the bad stuff came in then. Words of how much she feared Xavier and what that man might to do her, him, each of their families, and maybe their child. It wasn't like all those things hadn't run through his mind a million times over the past week. He wanted to protect her, to protect everyone, and he knew he couldn't.
"Rae?" Eryk turned to face the counter hands braced against the counter top. He refused to drag anyone else into this mess than he already had. Rae had offered to help before but this was his battle. His problem. His fault. No one seemed to understand that he wanted, needed to do this on his own. He'd chosen Xavier a long time ago and now he was paying the price for it. It was his burden, his to take care of. Why didn't she understand that? How many times did he have to explain this...
At times when she had a lot to say he found it best, and safest to just keep his mouth shut till she was done. Even if he was also suffering from stress, from fear, from worry. Even if the week had affected him as well. But she was important and she had enough problems without him ranting to her about the fact that he was freaked out too. He didn't even want to touch on the fact that he felt like she only wanted to marry him so that Xavier couldn't have him. Not because she loved him but to have one up on Xavier. Like it was some sort of game of tug-o-war and Eryk just so happened to be the rope in-between them. When her voice cracked, and she hiccuped he moved his head to gaze at her. Was she crying?
"Cerridwen..." She buried her face into her arm and his heart twisted. He'd caused this. "Cerridwen, I'm sorry."
Eryk frowned not remembering ever seeing her like this. In the past Cerridwen was the strong one, the one who stood like a stone fortress in the storm. Now she looked like the broken one. Is this what she had felt when he acted like this? This wave of suffering choking helplessness. This inability to help the one that meant the most. His arms ached to pull her close but he had this feeling like she just needed space right now. Both of them seemed to need a lot of space lately. Was it a sign? That they were slowly...separating.
Her ramblings about the baby and Christmas meant nothing. Baby or no baby he needed to take care of her now, to make her happy now. He didn't care if this was their eightieth Christmas that was something to worry about later. Now he needed to make her smile again. All this stress and worry most of it was caused by him or side of affects of her being with him. The baby, his fault for not wearing something. Xavier, so much his fault it hurt. The house, her idea but she wanted it with him so his fault yet again. Their fights, if he'd just do what she asked and loved her like he should there wouldn't be fights. He was such a failure at being a boy friend. He was supposed to love her and make her life heaven full of happiness. Not torment and tears. How could he fix this? It felt so lost and broken that there was no going back. At times like this he thought...that for her it would have been better if she had never met him that day in the garden.
Her kiss...felt like dead rose petals on his lips. When she hopped in front of him on the counter he pushed a smile. He'd love her. He'd give her everything good left inside of him. No matter what he would make her happy. Somehow, someday. The counter made her taller than he was, so going up on tip toe he pushed his hands gently against her cheeks and into her raven locks.
"I love you. I will protect you. I will make you happy, Cerridwen." Even if it kills me. Eyes closed he kissed her like tomorrow was his last day to live. Like this would be the last time he ever touched her velvet lips with his. He kissed her as if death was standing behind him holding the scythe ready. The reapers voice whispered along his mind promising him that his wish would indeed be granted.
His life for her happiness.
