slipping through my fingers {Jessica}

[ĸara вelova★]

_{This rp occurs before Kara goes to St. Louis.}

It was a road block.

Kara hugged the skinny book to her chest tighter as she tried to find a way around, but it was impossible. Why yes, she was aware that she wasn't the prettiest thing walking the halls of the Academy. And yes, she knew very well who was, even if it was self-proclaimed. And no, she didn't give a damn, she just wanted to get back to the library to return this stupid book.

Jessica's cronies were picking on her. This wasn't the first time, nor did it feel like the last. Kara knew she could easily deter this, send them packing with their tails between their legs. But she didn't. Because she felt deserved this for some reason.

Alright, no, that wasn't the reason why, but if you asked her she certainly wouldn't say 'It's because I only have a year to live, and I want to experience everything. Including regularly being harrassed like a typical schoolgirl'. Because that was the twisted truth, and that was Kara.

Her accessories were being made fun of. The glittering, sparkling objects she worked hard to attain. She was wearing Kellan's birthday bracelet on her left wrist, and on her right were a bunch of black sex bracelets that symbolized nothing they were supposed to. Her dogtag necklace also had a dainty child's baby ring looped into it where it would click and chink when the metal collided. Kara's ears were pierced with the usual odd pointy metal barbs, and there was a glistening red strawberry pendant hanging from the cartilige of one of her ears today.

Her wardrobe was what she always wore; her red plaid winter jacket and her torn-to-shreds jeans that were stylish 26 rips ago. Her clunky all-season boots squeaked on the floor when she moved because of the water left on them from accidentally stepping on a snowbank in the courtyard. She was always seen wearing the same thing, a glaring fashion faux paux by any self-addressed fashion princess.

Kara again tried to move past the flock of girls that fluttered around her, tutting at the state of her frayed sleeves and nearly see-through jeans. Some asked her about Eiji, a subject she adamently refused to talk about. One commented on what store Kara must shop at for her clothes. Her hair fell in front of her eyes and she stared blankly ahead, her gaze empty.

[jess]

"Why would you even bother to leave your room?" sneered Jessica, looking down at Kara. Jessica looked down on most people, but she felt especially good looking down on Kara. For some reason, the ugly, hideously awkward girl had earned the attentions and apparent affections of Eiji Almasy. By rights Eiji should belong to Jessica. Jessica had the name. Jessica had the looks. Jessica had the prestige. Eiji should be hers.

Not this little tramp's.

"You dress like a hobo," the litany began again. Jessica would say a line and her little chorus of faithful followers would echo. "You look like you slept in a trashcan. What's with the bracelets? Do they even mean anything, or did you just throw on anything shiny?"

Jessica smiled now, fully enjoying herself. How else could you feel better than to make someone else feel miserable?

"Nothing about you goes together. It's like you put a retarded monkey in a room with a bunch of shiny objects. Tell me, Kara," Jessica stepped right in front of Kara, her sly, evil grin mere inches from Kara's face, "do you throw your s**t to?"

The chorus let loose a simultaneous "ooooo."

"Perhaps we should return those clothes to where you found them," suggested Jessica. She pointed one perfectly polished nail to a nearby trashcan. "There we go!"

[ĸara вelova★]

She was vile. Kara couldn't feel an ounce of remorse or guilt coming from the girl. She truly felt all those horrid emotions and meant them. Sure, some of her friends would hesitate, would feel bad for a little while until she egged them on again. But Kara knew what Jessica was feeling, and if that feeling could be seen, it would be the ugliest personification known to man.

Oh wait, that already exists, Kara's eyes flicked to Jessica, not meeting her eye, but flicked about her face a little before drifting away to peer around her again.

Her words were meant to cut, and thankfully Kara could make herself numb to it all. Thankfully she wasn't sensitive to this kind of torture. Jessica could say horrible things, but the awkward girl she was hurling the words at wasn't affected.

Or so she thought.

It actually hurt a little, to be treated this way. Kara had somehow burrowed out of the wallflower role she had assigned herself. No, she hadn't done it alone, Eiji had certainly had a hand in it. Ever since they became friends, she was in the spotlight. That stupid 'dress' at the Masquerade certainly hadn't helped her avoid attention.

But she refused to look at Jessica, and instead stared past her down the hall she wanted to walk through. It was hard to ignore someone who was just as stubborn to catch your attention. The hardened, but not calloused teenager would not fight back.

Kara looked over to the bin Jessica gestured to after she'd insulted her outfit more. Her mouth opened but no sound came out. It was a sigh, and if one was attentive enough they'd recognize it as one by the way her chest deflated ever so slightly under the high zipper of her coat.

This wasn't going to end well.

[jess]

It was hard to tell whether the lack of fight pleased or angered Jessica. The vicious girl desperately wanted to sing her proverbial claws into Kara, to rend that pathetic excuse for a girl. But she also wanted her prey to squirm a little. Try and fight back. It would be futile, of course, but oh so much fun to watch.

"Aww, is the monkey sad?" teased Jessica. she pouted out her lips and tilted her head in a sympathetic manner. "Does the monkey want a banana? Or maybe the monkey's missing its owner?"

Now the cruel smile returned. "That's right, everyone knows about you and Almasy. How on Earth he can even manage to look at you is beyond me. I imagine he has to go home and vomit, or look at porn. Something to get rid of the vileness which is Kara."

This was rather rough even for Jessica's loyal lackies, though they still flanked and backed her. But even now, they were silent, eyes wide and watching as their leader attacked the other girl.

"It certainly can't be your looks that attract him, and it sure isn't your clothes," Jessica studied Kara speculatively. "I'd guess you're some kind of project for him. Maybe he pities you or something. Poor thing."

The false sympathy returned.
Now the crew knew what to do, they all "awed," all suddenly feeling great empathy for the target.

[ĸara вelova★]

Something to get rid of the vileness which is Kara.

The vileness which is Kara.

She knew she wasn't a project for Eiji. Perhaps an enigma, but Kara let herself be numb to those words. Eiji liked her for some unexplained reason. He didn't need to vomit, as Jessica suggested. Kara didn't know why, but Eiji liked to be around her, and although she didn't want to admit it, she was beginning to admit that she maybe possibly liked being around him too. This is what Kara was thinking about while Jessica raved about the 'poor thing'.

The reverence from her crowd did pull her out of her thoughts though, but her gift, which she'd turned on just to feel things out, recognized the feeling of pity instead of awe, and soon she denominated that they were still feeling sorry for her. Why did they follow Jessica anyway? Did she pay them? Did she make them? Or were they all just brainless girls with nothing better to do. Kara might be tempted to follow Jessica around for an hour or two just to kill some time, if the bitch wasn't so much of a... bitch.

Jessica thought she was bad. Bad-ass. But she was trying too hard. To Kara, being a horrible person came to her naturally.

"I'm going to the library. Do you want to come?"

Kara made to push past Jessica and her peanut gallery, but again she found herself blocked.

[jess]

Blocked was, in fact, an understatement. The cronies, so enamored of Jessica, and wrapped in the mob mentality, circled about her now. Several jeered along with their vaulted leader. All mocked her.

"Library?" another sneer to accompany the slanderous words. "You think the answer is in there? Listen, you're nothing. A distraction. What's he do? Throw you on his bed and make you love him? Then leave, I imagine. Because, Kara," it slid from Jessica's mouth, word-vomit, "you disgust everyone around you. Maybe you should do something about that. First, why don't you admit it?"

The faithful followers echoed the statement, mechanically, as if they'd rehearsed. Yes, Kara, admit your failings. Be like us, realize you're nothing compared to the glory which is Jessica.

The Rey heiress smiled.

[ĸara вelova★]

Was she suggesting Eiji raped her? She choked on the thought. Or was she trying to get Kara to admit she loved Eiji. This is the thought that gave her pause. Amid the chorus of 'admit it!' 'admit it!', Kara was lost in her own mind.

What is love, anyway? Is it to simply care about one thing more than another? I suppose I love my family then, and if that's the case then I certainly love Eiji. But it's described so differently in books, the feeling and the meaning of love. How do I know that's what I'm feeling?

"Admit what?" Kara looked up blankly, as though she'd only just been paying attention to Jessica. The girl around her chanting the singular phrase was aggravating, but Kara kept her emotions in check. Instead she looked like a daydreamer who'd just been interrupted mid-leap.

Kara Belova, the easiest target.

[jess]

Admit what? Was this girl that dense? And Jessica had plenty of experience in dealing with dense girls. After all, look at the people she associated with.

Still sneering, she looked down at Kara. "Admit that you're disgusting, you silly little whore."

Yes, that should make everything abundantly clear, even to someone as dense as Kara.

"Though apparently I should add 'moronic' to the list," Jessica added. "And ugly. Anything else, girls?"

She turned to her squad.

"Stupid!"
"Annoying!"
"Hideous!"
"Fugly!"
"Disgusting!"
"We already said that one..."

Jessica turned back to Kara, the cruel smile returned. "So just admit it, let us hear it from the source."

[ĸara вelova★]

Kara's eyes fixed on a point behind Jessica. She was getting annoying, and this power trip of hers was no longer amusing. It hadn't been entertaining to begin with, and although Kara knew that wasn't the reason she let it continue, she couldn't help but wonder if she'd ever had the charisma to think otherwise. No. She knew she was weak, as did Jessica, and she wouldn't fight back, a fact they both knew. So Kara leaned onto one hip, looked up at the ceiling, and sighed silently.

"I am disgusting, moronic, and ugly. Stupid, annoying... hideous... sorry what was the last one? Fugly? That too."

Her chin jutted forward, and she motioned toward the library.

"I really should return this now."

The thin book clutched to her chest moved ever so slightly while she mentioned it. The skinny brunette still refused to look Jessica in the eye, and instead stared at that one spot as though it were the most fascinating piece of marble she'd ever seen.

Maybe I deserve to cry. Maybe I should just let a tear escape to express how worthless I feel. She'd really like that, she cooed wordlessly to herself, and she bit back the smile it generated, but I'm done with crying.

A lie formulated in her head. Many really, but this one required no words. Maybe a couple, because Jessica didn't look like the brightest person in the world. But she waited. She was like the sea serpent that lay in the sand like a wounded animal while its prey nibbled its flesh. Only she wouldn't lash out and eat Jessica. She had something more passive in mind.

[jess]

This was just too easy. The prey laid down, throat bared, and practically begged to have its throat torn out. Heck, it practically did the mauling itself. This almost wasn't fun for Jessica anymore, and for a few seconds she considered moving on to a target that struggled a bit more.

But she couldn't help it. Like all cowardly predators, she wanted nothing more than to beat an opponent when he/she was down. The humiliation wasn't quite complete just yet. And Jessica had a very good idea of just what to do to finish it off.

"Oh, you can go," drawled Jessica. She flicked a manicured nail at the closest trash can. "You can go right where trash like you belongs. So, Kara, do it now. Throw yourself away, like the worthless waste you are."

It was beautiful in its simplicity. The final act to shatter this poor little girl. So beautiful in its ugly meanness that the other girls cringed. This had crossed a hidden line, and they suddenly felt more empathy for Kara than sympathy for Jessica.

But none were brave enough to dare speak against her.

[ĸara вelova★]

She didn't know where the sudden sympathy was coming from, but it was intense, and very near by. It certainly wasn't from Jessica. Kara blinked at the other girls who actually looked human as they shied away from the command.

Kara could do no such thing. Her body was already walking toward the trash can, and she didn't fight back. Not even mentally. The awkward teenager climbed into the bin and stood in it, turning to face Jessica. The library book was tucked under one arm, and Kara sighed noiselessly once more. Dark mousy hair falling into her face, she looked like the girl from the Grudge staring down at the waist-deep garbage. She wouldn't be able to put off laundry this week, she'd have to wash her only pair of pants thoroughly.

"I'm late," Kara said quietly. The Library was closing soon, and she didn't want to rush in right before the doors shut. She wanted to rent another book, and she enjoyed taking her time while she browsed. It cleared her mind and helped her forget about things like this.

Shifting in the grime, the skinny brunette made to climb out again, but it was proving more difficult to exit.

It's always easier to get yourself into a mess than out.

[jess]

Still too easy.

But really, what else could Jessica do at the moment? She had the little pain in the neck cornered, and doing exactly what she wanted. Kara wallowed in the trash, just like Jessica desired. That, in itself, was quite visually satisfying, and Jessica couldn't help but grin.

It felt good to solidify her position over someone, even if it was someone as weak-willed as Kara. What was her Gift anywhere? Spinelessness?

"Pathetic," spat Jessica.

Her squad imitated the expression, though with decidedly less fervor than they had previously. Now they wanted nothing more than to get out of there.

"Hurry along to your little library," instructed Jessica, waving her hand dismissively. "After all, your only friends are in those pages."

her fingers flicked toward the book, and her grin turned devilish. With that, she flicked her head, and began heading away. "Come on girls, we have more important things to do.'

[ĸara вelova★]

Kara waited until Jessica was finished with her. When she left, she tried to free herself from the bin, but it was impossible. She couldn't raise her leg high enough for her foot to gain purchase on the lip, because her knee couldn't get past the small circle she was enclosed in. Her gangly, long legs were her downfall here, and she cursed her horrid luck. To save herself from the embarrassment of other students walking by and seeing her in the trash can (because that would catch the eye and demand attention), Kara rendered herself invisible. She'd been planning on fooling Jessica, making her believe she'd teleported away, but she'd never been given the opportunity to do it. Being forced into a garbage bin sort of put those blueprints on hold.

Blending into the walls and the cross-hatch pattern of the metal container, Kara plotted her escape. Climbing out wasn't an option, so maybe she could... ew. A boy just tossed his half-consumed Coke can at her. She could see the greasy fingerprints on the tin as the brown, bubbling liquid drained out. To avoid the mess hitting her pants (because she didn't want to wash the pair twice in one week), she rocked out of the way and succeeded in tipping the entire bin over.

Crawling out of the mess, and startling the boy who'd discarded his can only moments ago, Kara moved very, very slowly so she wouldn't be noticed as her body took on the appearance of its surroundings. As the confused student hurriedly cleaned up the mess he thought he'd created, Kara escaped to the Library and returned her book, not bothering to find a new one.