Kenneth Lorne

[ĸara вelova★]

The MC's voice boomed throughout the theatre, "There are three guards. The competitor must disable them from attacking. They are not allowed to kill, or injure in a way that would kill, these men. Each guard that is rendered unable to fight, is worth one point."

A door opens, and light streams out. You can see the stage, and you are urged to go forward. When you enter the arena, the crowd errupts in loud applause and whistles. Some are chanting your name. But above this noise, the MC speaks to you, and you alone.

"Try to get as many points as you can, because the more you get in Stage I, the easier Stage II will be for you." The guards all turn in your direction.

"Let's see if Kenneth has Stage Fright!"

[҉ Kenneth Lorne]

Kenneth was a show pony. He ripped off the Stage Fright t-shirt with a theatric roar and rolled his neck, like some sort of pro-wrestler hamming it up on tv. He flexed dramatically and advanced, even though he had no idea what he was going to do.

Okay, three guys. He could handle them in a fight, he was sure. But not the hurt them... he closed his eyes for a moment, and when he opened them, he saw Dorian, Jon, and Noah. Guys he could rough-hosue with, but never actually hurt. Just make 'em scream uncle. Okay.

He sauntered right on up to the nearest dude and winked.

"How's it goin', punk?" He resisted the urge to hammer his chest like a gorilla.

[Peyton Howard.]

Lou was a medical school dropout, but in a family of overachieving doctors and chief surgeons, it wasn't something he could live with. Initially, he'd signed up to taste test the new Monster energy drinks, because he loved those things!! But what started out as quick, easy money turned into a long-term, binding rent-a-cop job. He didn't mind too much though, Monster was involved with some experimental science branch and that allowed him to lie to his family most days, that he was a successful lab assistant, researching a cure for cancer. Or something. He was never clear on the details, and anyway, over the years, he'd come to like his place in the Corporation.

"Look at this kid!" he called back to his two partners, Argus and Dill, who were men like him; one time star-quarterback and the other a grad school reject. Dill laughed loudly while Argus merely grinned and beat his club against the ground a few times.

"Hey there pretty boy," Argus greeted, moving forward to stand off to the side of Lou.
"Naw, such a pretty lil' thang," Dill cooed, looking pumped from all the Monster drinks he'd consumed. Lou, the real Monster junkie (despite knowing the health risks, Mr. ex-med school!), only stepped back and extended his steel batton, slicing it up right toward Kenneth's face.

[҉ Kenneth Lorne]

He sort of hated being underestimated. These guys were idiots if they didn't take his bulging muscles seriously, I mean come on! As they mocked him, Kenneth's grin turned sour. Who did these assholes think they were? One looked like he should be wearing a lab coat, the other a tatty old football uniform, and where were the nerdy glasses he could knock askew off guard number three? If anyone was the joke here, it was them. Then Argus and Dill started hitting on him. At least that's how Kenneth saw it.

"Is this some kind of joke?" He asked, and he looked to the audience. Was he on an episode of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy? "I have a girlfriend!" He shouted. Lou didn't seem to like this answer though, and he seemed to want to beat Kenneth into gayhood. He caught the baton as it swung upward, cringing as the steel made contact with his palm. He might be super strong, but getting struck still hurt like a bitch.

"Not cool, guy," Kenneth scolded, and he yanked the baton away. Then, because even if this whole contest was some kind of gay punch line, he still had an audience. He gripped the baton in two hands and bent the steel, loving the sound of the metal protesting against his awesome strength.

He still hadn't attacked though, sort of wanting to drag this out as long as possible. He wanted these guys to fear him. He was going to give them stage fright. They were going to run out of this place like a bunch of screaming little girls, and not because the Jonas Brothers just entered the building.

[Peyton Howard.]

Dill only laughed louder (hysterical) when Kenneth yelled he had a girlfriend. Well, so did he! Did the guy think they were gay or something? Then he remembered the pretty references (two) and figured that maybe Kenneth was a homophobe or something. Geez, the guy couldn't take a compliment. What were they meant to say? That he was butt-ugly? Dill was a bit of a tool but he wasn't a liar.

Lou wasn't nearly as entertained as Dill was (smarter), and when Ken caught his baton and bent it at the tip (queer), the annoyance won out over all the bent and tip and queer jokes he knew was running through Dill's mind (tool). Like some sort of magic trick, because they were meant to be the 'bad' guys in all of this, Lou pulled out another baton from behind his back. Really, if Lou wished it, he could have pulled out a cake from behind his back. Then he had to ignore all the fruitcake jibes that came to mind.

Argus, who had ran out of words to say (four), shifted, then swung his club like a pro-baseballer, with Kenneth's head the oncoming ball. Lou extended his baton and swiped at Ken's side, bare arms the target but not minding the gut either. Dill, who had yet to stop laughing, wiped his eyes on the back of his baton.

[҉ Kenneth Lorne]

Oh god, there were phallic symbols everywhere. Thankfully Kenneth didn't notice, or he probably would have left the stage, muttering something about gay television pranks. Instead, he shoved Lou backwards, just as Argus lifted his bat to swing. When the metal baton came whizzing toward his head, he did the opposite of what most people would do. When something that could potentially crack your skull comes hurtling toward your head, the typical answer is to duck, or run, or even freeze. Kenneth did none of the above, and instead kept true to his in-your-face attitude. He stepped right toward Argus and wrapped his arms around him (guy love), beneath the dude's arm pits. Here he was only in danger of being hit by the guy's shoulders, which didn't carry nearly as much energy and therefore damage as the tip of the baton (MDIBTY). With Argus locked in a bear hug, Kenneth easily lifted the former athlete into the air. That was when Lou's baton hit Kenneth in the side, and he grunted, unintentionally adding a little more pressure to Argus's already crushing embrace.

Ken turned, using his captive as a shield for more of Lou's attacks. He kept Dill in his peripheral vision however, because he still didn't know how much of a threat the guy was. He pressed Argus's back to his chest (from behind ) so his face was visible to his comrades, and he shook him a little to show how much control he had. But each twist made him cringe inwardly, and made his huge grin sour into a menacing grimace. His left kidney hurt like a bitch.

"Come on, hit me again," He dared Lou, more than ready to use Argus as a human shield. He sent Dill a suggestive wink (hey hey gorgeous).

[Peyton Howard.]

Everyone aside from Dill, was wearing their thinking caps, as well as their how-to-try-and-kick-ass-and-not-get-a-pay-cut caps. Consequently, this resulted in everyone aside from Dill, to really suffer.

The last thing Argus was expecting was a massive hug from the contestant. He was sure that somewhere in the rules, it said contact of this kind was most certainly not allowed. His cry of horror was muffled against Kenneth (eeeww) when the boy tightened the embrace. At that point, the former QB wasn't paying attention to anything else; he was too busy squirming, trying to get out of Ken's grip. In the midst of his crisis (damnit!) he had an almost prophetic moment, when he realized just what was juicing in the kids blood.

"HEY!" he yelled, the volume an indication of the urgency in the situation, "WE GOT CLARK KENT!!!!" ;__;

Lou's shove suddenly made sense to him. Ken was developing a nasty habit of bruising Lou's ego and the man himself, and now he knew why. The guy was too strong! Lou didn't understand why they were being made to face off against him in this case, with batons and clubs no less! That this kid could bend without any effort!

While the fail doctor/med student glowered, Dill walked right up to Kenneth and flicked him on his bare arms, not minding if he got Argus or not.
"Oi, put him down," he ordered, a mix between amused and, well, more amusement.

[҉ Kenneth Lorne]

Kenneth laughed at Argus's exclamation.

"Nah, Clark is my brother," He said matter-of-factly. When Dill arrived and smacked his arm with the baton, he turned his head in response. Despite the fact that Dill was 100% gay, Ken sorta liked him. So he shifted Argus into one arm, and used his free one to flick Dill's lower jaw. He saw someone get punched there in the UFC last month, and later they explained that is was a pressure point, and showed you exactly where it was. Dill was too close for him to miss, however he had no idea if he applied the right amount of power. They hadn't really designed the explanation for people with super strength.

Then he slung Argus over his shoulder and walked up to Lou. He gave the guy a smart salute.

"Ever played baseball?" He asked. Before he gave the guy the opportunity to answer, he swung Argus like a baseball bat, thinking it poetic. Argus had took a swing at him, and now he was swinging Argus (although he wanted to make it clear he didn't swing that way at all).

[Peyton Howard.]

As expected, Dill did not pass out. Most people said his head was as thick as the Great Wall of China was long; this encouraged disturbing thoughts from most involved, but the general analogy was understood. The worst he felt from Ken's flick was a great annoyance; he swore a bone cracked, as impossible as that really was. The guy rubbed at his chin, a frown on his face, trying to dispel the lasting effect.

"What was that for?" he said, turning around to witness Argus being used like a rag doll, right before his eyes rolled to the back of his head and he crumpled to the ground. Always a little slow, that one was.

Argus, who was actually peeing in his pants currently, though not literally, squirmed around uncomfortably, trying in absolute futility to get himself loose. Ever played baseball, to Lou of all people because the guy only ever went to the gym 4 days of the week but wasn't really good at sports or anything; and the ex-QB knew exactly what was coming next.

"NOOOOOO!!!" he screamed, honestly, using his arms to cover his head and just hoping that his skull didn't crack in the process. Bitterly, right before his shoulder impacted with Lou's chest, he kind of hoped something nasty happened, to maybe Dill, so that Kenneth would get disqualified or something; those rules still had to exist.

Lou didn't even get a chance to react. Out of all three of them, Dill was having the most progress though to Lou, it seemed more like the idiot didn't realize who Ken really was, their target, and the used-to-be-med-student could only watch in disbelief as Dill approached Ken(t) like a friend chastising a friend. He was out for the moment, or whoever knew how long, now and the same was about to happen to him. He had never appreciated Argus for having a hard head or stupid broad shoulders, and he couldn't say his views had changed all that much. Ken's question would never go answered, and Lou would fly approximately four feet above stage level and five feet in length once Argus met him in the chest.

"That's it! Super-powered, super-cool, super man has done it! A knock to a pressure point for the first guard, and a double smackdown for the remaining two, done about like a pro baseballer!!!! This guy is HOTTTTT! Kenneth Lorne goes to Stage II!"

[҉ Kenneth Lorne]

Kenneth beamed, despite the fact that he believed this was all a huge joke, and that Stage I was really after all the gay jokes were done being thrown around. He slung Argus over his shoulder sort of like how a hunter would carry their dead deer, and waved to his cheering fans.

He pounded his chest like a neanderthal and made some gorilla noises. Why? His friends would ask later. Why not? Would be his response. And then he would threaten to flick them. Speaking of which...

He made a flicking gesture in the air before taking his bow, and deposited Argus on the stage floor.

"Sup guy?" He said to the dazed guard, "Do they pay you enough for this?"

Then he left him and left the arena, but not after one more victory chest-thudding.