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Post by ∞ Miki Toizden on Nov 20, 2009 2:37:40 GMT -5
 don't hang onto words you don't understandTHEY'RE JUST LETTERS IN UNALPHABETICAL ORDER ANYWAY( - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - )Sleep was not coming to Miki very easily on this particular autumn night. It was rather cold, and she had a funny feeling in her gut. The kind of feeling where you keep thinking you’re supposed to be somewhere doing something, but for some reason you aren’t at that particular place. Her heart was obnoxiously loud in her silent room. Peaking her eyes and nose from under the covers, she glanced over at her clock. It was 12:26 am, and the thermometer right next to it read 62 degrees. She frowned under the covers; the dark circles under her eyes making her look fragile. Her body retreated under the covers for a moment before she flung them off in one fluid flick of her wrist. Twisting her torso around, she draped her legs over the side and touched them to the frigid wood floor. One reason she didn’t like them; they got either very cold or very hot and they were very uncomfortable to walk on.
The ice-cold floor sent shivers up her spine and she bit her lip, letting her eyes slowly close until her body adapted the change in the surrounding temperature. About five minutes later, she opened her eyes and stood up, stretching her arms and legs out to touch the ceiling. She heard a few of her bones crack and she sighed. Every time that happened, she normally complained about how she was going to get arthritis and be crippled. Her little sister Karin always used to laugh at her.
Patting down her beastly hair, she walked over to her wall mirror and examined herself. Miki’s reddish-brown hair looked like a really dark red under the light of her night-light. It was in loose curls and was a little frizzy from lying down. Her complexion was fairly tan, but not too dark and her eyes were wide even though she had been sleeping somewhat. Her deep, brown eyes weren’t blood shot, but she did have light bags under her eyes from not getting enough sleep, care of her mother.
Rubbing her eyes of any leftover sleep, Miki glanced over at her clock again. “It’s so early,” she mumbled, blinking a few times. That’s when she heard it. It was so faint and quick that if she had breathed at that particular moment, she would have missed it. It sounded similar to s scratching noise, as if someone were clawing at the floor. The strange noise only lasted those few seconds and then there was only the sound of Miki’s steady breathing and the clock. But the source of it hadn’t been in Miki’s dorm room; it sounded as if it came from somewhere near hers, perhaps the one next door. “I wonder what that was,” she whispered quietly to herself, staring at her wall as if she had x-ray vision. A few minutes passed before she decided to go check it out.
As she exited her door, she looked to her left. There weren’t any dorms to the right of Miki’s since her room was at the end of the hall, so she assumed the noise must have come from the one to the left. The hallway was very dark and ominous looking, and she almost expected some murderous monster to immerge from their depths. The lack of light also made it hard to see the door she was looking for, considering the academy was so smart in painting the walls and doors very dark colors. She felt around a bit before her small hand came into contact with the smooth, cold doorknob. Miki wondered whether she should just open the door and peek in or just knock first. Considering it was awfully early in the morning, she didn’t think making too much noise was a good idea. Therefore, she took a deep breath, held it, and turned the knob slowly and warily so it didn’t make a single sound.
Peering around the door, she guardedly looked around the room. It was very dark and it made it very difficult to see. In addition, it smelled kind of musty, as if someone hadn’t occupied it or cleaned it in a while. As she continued to scan the room, she couldn’t seem to locate anything that could have made the noise and wasn’t about to step into it to find out. But she her eyes adjusted and she got ready to leave, something, or someone caught her eye. It was brief, but she saw it nonetheless and locked eyes with whoever it was. Now she finally knew why she had the feeling; this is where she had to be. ( - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - )TAG ** Kara Belova
WORDS ** 768
STATUS ** finished
LYRICS ** dress up like dreams - backseat goodbye
NOTES ** hope it’s adequate?
OUTFIT ** clickage
MUSE ** zombie by the cranberries, i’ll be there by the rembrandts, mr.highway's thinking about the end by a day to remember
CREDIT ** yours truly ;] steal and I’ll devour you like mashed potatoes.
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Post by ĸara вelova★ on Nov 23, 2009 9:16:29 GMT -5
Kara's room was a mess. After her encounter with Aaron Staar, her bed sheets and curtains were charred pieces of material. She hadn't felt safe sleeping in her own bed as of lately, so she would find comfortable couches around the school to spend her nights. But tonight was the night of the fifteenth, and Kara wanted her last night on earth to be somewhere familiar. If she couldn't be in Spain with her family, she would choose here, where she'd spent the last year and a half of her life learning and growing.
So she returned her her burnt room, and after a couple moments she was accustomed to the smell. The dust had collected, and she wondered if she should clean up so the coroner wouldn't have to suffer the must. But she reconsidered, figuring any Seattle policeman had probably seen a more gruesome murder scene, and Kara couldn't be bothered to play molly maid on this night.
This night. She couldn't think of it by any other name. This night, she indulged in an expensive meal. This night, she wore the beautiful nightgown Eiji made her wear to that ridiculous masque forever ago. And this night, she had her violin out, but she didn't touch the bow near the strings. She had raided her collection, donned every ring she'd stolen, every necklace she'd lifted, every bracelet and earring and sequin she'd obtained. Her arms were heavy with the accessories, and she looked like an overdressed model from a magazine. And she might be as pretty, if she'd done her make-up. The purple rings around her eyes seemed to be permanently stained there; no eternal sleep would cover them up. Her skin was cracked and dry, her lower lip split painfully down the middle, nearly as white as her chalk face aside from the maroon scab healing in the center. She had always been thin, but today she was an unstuffed scarecrow, her limbs as thick as a broomstick wrapped in saran-wrap, and about as transparent. Maybe her death certificate would read 'wasted away' 'anorexic', and they'd dismiss her as another girl trapped by her own vanity.
She sat with her back against the bed, her violin in her lap. She went to lift it, and laughed dryly when her arms gave out. The violin dragged on the floor between her legs until she pulled it onto her thighs, and she wondered if anyone had heard. Not that it would matter; everyone knew to dismiss the things that happened in this room. At least she assumed.
She stared down at the instrument, bruising her otherwise pristine leg. She wondered if the school would fund her funeral, and if they would close the casket because of her ghastly appearance. Why had she been so careful about avoiding bruises? She rolled her neck back so her eyes stared up at the dark ceiling. For a moment everything was black, and she thought 'This is it', but then her eyes adjusted and she could make out the corners and the cracks in the walls. The burn mark Aaron left behind.
A sliver of light interrupted the black abyss of her room, and her head snapped forward. Her initial reaction was anger; how dare someone interrupt her?! Couldn't they see she was dying here?? After this fleeting emotion passed, she experienced a rush of adrenaline. Who would bother to look for her? Eiji? Leo? Hell, Aaron coming to exact his revenge would even be satisfying. But the head that poked through the door was unfamiliar to her; but her weak empathetic palette felt the familiar innocent touch of one of her classmates. A dorm mate, the girl from the next room. What was her name? Mickey?
It felt so random, so wrong, to be discovered like this by a complete stranger. She stayed perfectly still and watched as the other girl's eyes swept the room. For a fleeting second Kara wondered if the girl might completely miss her, huddled at the end of her bed, on the floor. But then their eyes met, and she held her breath. Everything around her shuddered, but not really. It only felt like it to her because she was shivering. She tried concentrating, and managed to make herself invisible. Maybe Miki would think she was seeing a ghost or something equally illogical. But the transparency faded, as Kara was too weak to keep her shield. She flickered back into existence, and because she couldn't hide, or save Miki from watching her die, she apologized.
"I'm sorry." Her voice cracked. The violin fell from her grasp, and she shut her eyes.
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Post by ∞ Miki Toizden on Jul 13, 2010 11:07:07 GMT -5
Miki's insides wrenched. What had happened in this room? These walls harbored secrets, she knew. But more importantly, what had happened to that creature? She called it that for lack of a better term. It looked almost human; a human that had the life ripped and clawed out of it. Miki's eyes narrowed as she observed the figure, trying to attain more detail.
She concluded it was a girl, perhaps older than her, and could only explain her appearance in one word: despair. Pain seemed to emanate from every crevice and hover around her. The violin, that she noticed a few moments later, was like tree leftover from a fire. Miki took shallow breaths and stayed low.
The djinn was so unsure, and it was unlike her. What had ever happened to the strong Miki, the one who told people off and when she didn't like something, she fixed it. Time and pain changes everyone. Life changes everyone. A djinn was no exception. She would change for eternity.
At first, she thought it was mouse or something along those lines. But upon further inspection, she realized it was the girl. She spoke. Miki frowned. That girl was dying, she could sense it, and all she had in her to do was apologize? She felt a fire burn within her.
Standing up straight, no longer hiding knowing the girl knew, she strode silently across the room. She scattered dust and some ash and other unknown thing. She was disturbing the secrets, but she didn't care. She didn't care.
Miki reached her moments later, her brown eyes reflecting the slivers of light from the ajar door she came from. She didn't know how she knew her name. Maybe she went with her to the academy before. Or maybe she was just having an epiphany. Whatever it was, she left the consequences behind long ago.
"Kara," she spoke strongly, steadily, as if testing it. It seemed to click in her mind, but it hung in the air. "Kara..." she whispered this time, and with not a second thought, wrapped her own arms around the tiny scrap of life in front of her. Kara felt ice cold against her flesh, and she imagined that her flesh, pulsing with djinn blood and life, must burn.
She breathed in the smell of her. It was a musty, almost antique smell. Like a collector's shop. Miki smiled gently against the girl's soft hair. "You're not sorry." ooc: I don't think it was good enough, but I tried my best. |
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Post by ĸara вelova★ on Jul 19, 2010 21:20:26 GMT -5
She couldn't acknowledge the hug, and instead shook her head, too weak to protest physically, "But I am," Kara argued, voice holding more power behind the conviction than either would have imagined possible. She kept her eyes closed, though it took more of an effort to keep them shut, "I'm sorry you have to see me like this." Then she thought of her words. Did she really want her last words to be a lie? The way she'd lived her entire life? No. "Okay. I'm not sorry for that. I'm sorry I was still alive when you found me. This is really going to suck for you."
Careless words from a girl who no longer gave a damn about manners and etiquette. What did they mean to her now? They were as pretty and useless as the ornaments Kara donned on her withering corpse. The multitude of rings and necklaces and assortment of other treasures she'd acquired over her many years as a kleptomaniac decorated her frail body. Every scrap of metal reflected her; they were hard and cold, ready to be plucked from the one thing that kept them grounded.
Miki's skin was hot against hers, and she thought about leaning away. But she'd only fall over... perhaps if she hit her head on the floor, it could all be over sooner. Her nightmares had caught up with her, every method of death haunting her. If Kara died of starvation, she would hate herself in death because perhaps it could have been avoided. If this was all a self-fulfilling prophecy, she would scream and scream and scream in whatever afterlife she prematurely delivered herself to. This possibility plagued her like the nightmares, and her eyes snapped open at last. Miki's closeness made her sweat, and already she felt as though she were being embraced by the fiery pits of Hell. Was this girl here to guide her to whatever level of Hell was reserved for those who committed suicide?
The skeletal brunette groaned. "So where are the hell hounds?" It was a joke, but sometimes it honestly felt like she made a deal with the devil. Only instead of her playing the role of Faust, it was as though Faust's parents made a shitty deal with the devil on her behalf. On more than one occasion did Kara wish she'd died that first night. It would save everyone so much stress and grief and remorse. Even with death knocking on her door, the girl still couldn't find the answer to her infamous question.
Was it worth it? The experiences, the friends she'd made in the two years she stole from fate? Places and faces danced within her memory, and she examined and explored each and every one that made an impact on her. At last there was Miki, who wasn't just a hazy dream in her mind's eye. Kara focused on the girl, trying to figure her out.
"You should just tell the coroner I was dead when you got here," She suggested, wondering if it would be helpful. Again, tactless, thoughtless words with zero grace or consideration for anyone's feelings. Wince-worthy words spoken as though commenting on the weather. Kara could be crude and brash like that, and she couldn't find it in herself to censor and edit her unceremonious speech.
{You're fine! Your writing is fantastic, don't doubt it!}
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Post by ∞ Miki Toizden on Sept 2, 2010 0:25:28 GMT -5
Miki Toizden felt the equivalent of what it must have felt like to be stabbed with a sharp, barbed object, and then have it twisted around in your soul several times.
Almost everyone around the world takes some sliver of their life for granted. They wake up to see another day, they gaze into their lover’s eyes, and they breathe the air into their lungs. Nothing in life lasts forever, and nothing is ever guaranteed. Life is just one big war; everybody having their own part in it whether they realize it or not. Their reasons may differ, but the path is the same nevertheless: everyone fights to live.
But what happens when the will to live has been shattered? When the path has been obscured, and not one molecule can move? It becomes hard to move, to speak, to even breathe. The blood that courses through veins becomes heavy and thick, like a molasses that will eventually bring everything to a stop, to a close.
Death is easy. Life however, is much harder.
What does this girl, the being that is struggling to keep a grasp on life itself, live for? What runs through her mind with every breath she takes? Does death please her, or is it just the better between the two evils? Miki stared at Kara so intently, that one could have thought she was trying to see to her very soul. Her insides felt as if they were being scratched with razor sharp claws, slowly shredding her to pieces. Some things in life are better unseen, and looking down at this girl, this creature, made it hard for the Djinn to even breathe properly. The air in the room felt hot and it stung her dry throat.
For a split second, Miki felt envy towards Kara. For Kara, there was always an escape, she could always have a way out. It was like having a personal exit door all to yourself, available whenever you need it. Miki didn’t have that. She was not human, and in her eyes, she was not even living. She defied the natural balance with which life revolved around. How could someone like her, a Djinn, be normal in any sense of the word. Miki could not die, even if she wished to. Pain, while present in everyone’s life, was wide awake and pounding within her. Every single pore on her fabricated body felt it. It was with her always, and never left. Perhaps, like a guest at a party who never once shuts up, gives everyone an ear-splitting headache, and is always there.
Sometimes, she wondered if she was even real. She felt as if she walked within reality, breathed it in and out, but never actually held onto any of it. The body she walked around in was a fake. Her voice was fake. Was her soul a fabrication too? Was her entire existence just a game?
Miki glided her hot fingertips against Kara’s cold skin, savoring in how it felt. It was death; that was how death felt like, wasn’t it?
But why? Why was it coming for her? Was this girl’s life as truly empty as she molded it to be? Or was she afraid of the truth, and desperately chained into the deep, dark depths of her soul to never be touched again?
“Why, Kara?” Miki’s voice was steady, with a hint of fear behind it. Composure was proving hard to find for the young girl of nineteen. Her head slumped downward in her crouched position, her knees smashed against the hard, cold, grimy floor. She crushed her eyes shut so much that it hurt and she took in a few shaky breaths. Suddenly, in one, unified movement, Miki’s head tilted upward and her brown eyes shot open to try to connect to Kara’s before she could retreat.
“Why…do you do this?” |
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Post by ĸara вelova★ on Sept 5, 2010 13:57:04 GMT -5
Kara barked a raspy, hollow laugh. Why? She didn't want this to happen. It was just that she'd been expecting it for so long now. Two years living only knowing you were going to die - it was torture. She didn't view death the same way this girl did - it wasn't sweet, it wasn't a much longed for escape from life. It was an unpleasant thief coming to rob her of the little things she actually valued.
Miki's hot fingers against her skin made her squirm. It felt like warm water being poured over her skin, and the life pulsing through the djinn served as another reminder of what she was leaving behind. Warmth, and with that happiness. Not that Kara ever had much to be happy about, but she knew the feeling well. Residing at this school, Kara received the emotions of everyone around her. Every day there was someone experiencing heartbreak, anger, sadness. But more often than not there was excitement, happiness, appreciation, love... Kara envied how everyone else seemed to feel these emotions so easily, yet with her there was always an effort. Nothing came easy to the thin girl. She had no money, no friends, no future to look forward to. How could someone like her endeavour to feel beauty and fulfillment when she knew it was all going to be snatched away from her?
It was too soon. She was too young.
"I'm not doing this. This is happening to me," Kara argued, refusing to acknowledge that all this damage was her own doing. This wasn't her fault. Two years ago she died, and her father begged a man to bring his little girl back to life. The man agreed, but said he would only return two years, and that her father needed to pay even more to keep her alive. Her family was already very poor, and there was no way they could afford to pay the man. So the man disappeared, and soon after Kara vanished too. She left her family so they wouldn't have to watch her deteriorate and die, blaming themselves for what was happening to her. She pursued the Academy, and moved with them overseas to America to continue her education and further the distance between her mortality and her family.
There was no way she could know if the man was lying. He had the power to bring her back to life, who said he couldn't just take that life back? She knew nothing of his identity or his connection with her father. She was blindly stumbling toward her death, eyes wide open, seeing only one option. Fading into anonymity was the best, wasn't it? Leave behind no trace of herself... she really was sorry that Miki had discovered her. Now that she thought about it - there were so many more convenient ways to hide her body. Perhaps her subconscious wanted to be discovered after all, remembered some way, no matter how morbid.
It upset her how much this idea appealed to her. After working so hard to go unnoticed, her very last act before dying was a cry for attention. How frustrating!
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