!?Is it really?! {Eryk}

[eryk]

At the beginning of her rant he cringed knowing the whole sexest remark would make her mad. But he was a guy he was supposed to think that way. He just felt it was his duty to protect her. Weren't people in love supposed to want to protect the one they cherished? Everything was fine with what she said. Up until she said who was he to tell her...and it just went down hill from there. Do it whether he liked it or not. His arms dropped and his heart felt like she'd ripped it out. One she basically ripped away his importance of being the fiance. Two she degraded and smacked on his sanity. Three she tossed away his opinion like he meant nothing to her.

When she asked if he'd stop her he shook his head no. No...he wouldn't stop her and he certainly wouldn't go after her. As she rose into the air his eyes followed her like a broken heart searching for the light. His light was about to fly away, maybe even fly away to her death. But she'd already made it quiet clear he didn't matter to her. It had all been a lie. It was pity for him. He'd said the things he said because he loved her and didn't want to see her hurt. But...it had meant nothing.

"Bye...Cerridwen." With that he sat down on the cold ground not watching if she left. "Just...don't come back this time...don't...come back."

He meant it if she left him he didn't want to see her again. If Xavier hurt her he'd of course go after him. But...maybe he was overreacting once again, but those words. He dug into his pocket something he had planned to lay beside her when he'd left to go after Xavier. Now...it was meaningless. Staring down at the velvet box in his hand he decided to be alone for the rest of his life. All he did was hurt people. Angry he turned and threw the box at her screaming in frustration.

"Leave already! Go! Go kill your wolf! Take the damn ring and don't come back!" He felt like burning down the cottage right then but not having anything to burn it with he just sat there staring into the night.

[©erridwen Corrigan]

Cerridwen was hit. With a box. He was mad at her...and he decided to throw a box at her? What...is his problem? Kneeling down lowering herself, she realized what he had hit her with. She had at first every intention to sink just as low as him and throw it at his head like he had thrown it at her, but now...she couldn't. There was no chance she could. Looking at that velvet box she was afraid to touch it. There was no way she could do anything now. Not like this. Not after Eryk had just done it. Well maybe there were three things in the world. Three things that could stop her.

One being...telling her she could possibly carrying their future baby and making her feel guilty getting her to staying.

Two, telling her she was needed by her sister...Mae...him.

or three...which turns out to be her personal favorite...throwing a velvet ring box at her head and pissing her off while in the process making her heart ache for him.

This was turning out to be the weirdest relationship on record. She was going to write a book about this one day...and their children wouldn't believe them. There would be a them...and there would be children because he had...just thrown this box at her. It was so funny, how something so little, could be so important in determining one's future. Very funny indeed, so funny she smiled, she laughed for a brief second, she was positive he probably hadn't heard her, and then with that she looked to him. "You threw..." She said slowly, "A box...at my head." She said nodding and for once was calm. "Erykk...I cannot believe...you of all things you COULD HAVE THROWN....threw a box...at my head" She repeated slowly trying not to laugh. It was funny to her, she was clearly losing it but it was still...it was funny.

Okay, time to be serious. Picking the box up she flew to him, keeping her body just inches above the ground and then finally settling herself next to him. "You can't throw this at me...and then tell me to leave. It doesn't work like that you know..." She whispered a bit more calm. Maybe that box had knocked just a tad of sense into her.

Trying to catch his line of vision she shook her head. "You can't honestly think...that I'll leave you. If I go, your going to come with me...and as ready as I had been before...I can't do that. I forgot...for a minute I forgot what you really meant to me." She sighed. "And...for a minute I was ready to go get myself killed for you...and I can't do that. Not anymore." She whispered "Because if I die...and I really mean that much to you...I wouldn't be helping you. You read about these hero's and their princesses, trying to do their job for them...and usually in the stories they win...but that's fiction...and this is not fiction and...I probably will get my butt served to me on a silver platter..." She admitted "And especially now...since I'm...er...I might be you know pregnant...I don't...want to do that to you. For a minute I was...thinking I could win, that I was invincible that maybe I could do this for you, get it over with and that be that but Eryk, you have to see where I'm coming from. I'm like you. I'm sick of this. He's putting us in this position. I can't...we can't...let him drive us apart like this." Cerridwen whispered. "And I can't let you go away...just I mean if I am, and you go away...I can't do it by myself Eryk. I can't raise something with you in it...your blood, your looks, not if your gone. I wouldn't be able too. On top of that your father would hate me...he would hate...mini-you, and that...just...I can't handle something like that" Cerridwen said shaking he rhead.

"please...try and see this from my side. You go...and don't come back what am I suppose to do Eryk? What do you want me to do...and this ring...I, I haven't seen it, and--" She stopped to open it and shook her head. "It's beautiful" She breathed. She looked at the diamonds sparkling in the night reflecting each in every star. "You can't expect me to wear something...this...when your gone. I doubt your father would let me.." She mused slightly trying to make a sour joke. "Eryk...ugh!" She said groaning in furstration. This was not easy for her. Not at all. She wanted to go. Take her anger on Xavier, but she couldn't. She would be hurting herself, possibly a child, Eryk, her sister, his family...and that would be bad. She needed to act a bit more rational next time. She couldn't put that ring on...not by herself. Not right now. She wanted him to do it...when he was ready. She looked to the box once more, the ring sparkling in the night.

"It's...your mother...I can see her wearing something like this, it belongs on the hand of only an angel.." She whispered and kept watching it. She dind't expect Eryk to be happy again, especially not with her and the hurtful things she said, but she just wanted him to see this from her side, her point of view. At least wanted him to try because right now, she was having difficulties trying to make this work both ways. They had other factors playing now. Things they were gambling. A lot of gambling they were doing, and this much was not good. Their life together....possibly a baby, family, their own families, their life separately, everything was just at high stakes right now...all because of some stupid wolf.

"Eryk...just realize because of this...everything we've gone through, will go through hopefully...I can't live without you. You need...I need you more then I need air. Please...more then I need my plants. Eryk...for all I care you could burn every last plant of mine, just...don't leave me" She looked to him. Begging him. She grew silent. She would not cry. She was not a girl of tears, very rarely did she cry. She was just not one, even as a baby she never did, though if he rejected her after all that she might as well cry because her life ended if he said no. She wouldn't honestly know what to do.

[eryk]

For a girl about to leave him, a girl who was capable of ripping to shreds any positive view he had left on the world, she sure did have a lot to say. Repeatedly he just wanted her to leave. She'd said what she really felt, and none of her sugar coated lies were going to change that. People said stupid things out of anger, but most times those stupid things were true. He wouldn't look at her. Wouldn't look at the box. Wouldn't look at the ring. She'd gone too far this time. On and on she talked giving him all sorts of sweet loving words. It was starting to wear him down, wear down the anger and hurt he'd felt when she'd said what she'd said.

Rubbing his knee he still refused to look at her he was acting childish but right then he felt like hurting her. If he looked at her he'd hurt her. He knew it. How she had so much to say over such a small action astounded him. Yes, the box held a life time of meaning, and symbolized everything he felt about her. What he had gone through to get that stupid box. Multiple times he thought about talking about saying what he felt. Like if she really cared then why was she about to fly off in the first place? He was going to leave yes, but when he left to go after Xavier it would be to fix things. From his perspective she was just doing it out of anger. She wanted him to understand her, but he just, couldn't wrap his mind around what she was about to do.

She forgot how much she meant to him. It was something that through all of her words had stuck. That was one thing that never left his mind no matter how angry he was. Yes, he was just about to let her go to let her leave his life. But if that's what she wanted then she should go. After his stupid words and actions he deserved to be alone. He kept rubbing his knee grinding his teeth to keep from saying anything to her. She was freaking bi-polar he just knew it. He couldn't just flip a switch and be all lovey like that. He was furious, he was hurt, and he was tired. Some words can't be fixed with a slew of sweeter ones.

"Just...go...Cerridwen. You've said what you have to say. I got it plain and clear." It was so very hard to breathe. "You say you love me, but your anger showed me the truth. This is pity. All of it. It's bull sh*t and pity."

His hands clutched his knee and he bit his bottom lip from the pain. This wasn't an easy fix. His father was right, they weren't ready to get married. Not when she hid feelings like that, such thoughts like that. "Go ahead and get yourself killed, kill the baby while you're at it. It's obvious I mean nothing to you. It's pretty damned obvious I mean nothing."

He snapped his knee and a loud pop came from it he bit his lips so hard blood trickled down his chin. His eyes were shut tight against the pain from relocating his knee. How had he walked on it astounded him. Chest heaving from the pain he slowly raised eyes full of misery and animosity to her. A few words had torn everything away while all of her dozens of sweet nothings hit darkness.

"You'll do just fine without me. Go find that healer fellow. He's taken a liking to you. He'd be a much better husband than I would ever be, and he doesn't have a sadistic, psychopath after him either." With a swollen knee, a twisted and equally swollen ankle he tried to stand, but he used his crushed wristed hand and he fell almost screaming in pain. Why couldn't she ever pick a fight when he wasn't broken, and battered?

"Take the f*cking ring, and leave! You don't want me. You don't need me. And if seeing the baby's face bothers you so much give it away." Again he tried to stand his hurt hand cradled against his chest. Right leg near useless, and left hand equally useless he just couldn't do it. He had no energy and he could barely breathe. "Dammit. Just...just go...please...I...I can't take this anymore Cerridwen."

He flopped back onto the grass just giving up. On her, on him, on them, on the whole freaking world. "Just...leave...and take my heart with you."

So dramatic but it was true. Part of him screamed for him to shut up and just tell her that he loved her. But when drowning in pain both physical, and emotional one didn't think very clearly. If he didn't have a heart things like this wouldn't hurt so badly.

[©erridwen Corrigan]

Eryk didn't believe her. For once she didn't care. "You can believe me if you want Eryk...I don't care" She said quite firmly. "I know...what I feel..and that is something I want you to know. I know what I'm feeling, and as much as I'd love for you to be an empath...and tell me you know..that you can feel my emotions, your perfect the way you are. You said I wasn't thinking clearly...your not telepathic...your not an empath...you can't tell me what I am and aren't thinking...if it's crazy or not..." She sighed. She had said to much clearly.

Cerridwen couldn't leave him. That much was clear. Last time she had left him only for a few minutes...and once again Xavier had gotten to him. So it was quite clear she couldn't leave him until...well she could call his dad...but what would that do? She was lost. Confused. Taking the ring she opened the box and looked at it. A last time. The last time she would see this ring. She had half a mind to throw it. When they were ready to get married...it would come back to them. That was just it...they were. She was positive of it. Once Xavier was gone...they would be. If assuming Eryk would stop...for a minute and listen to her words that these weren't just lies to get him back, she wouldn't...keep coming back if she didn't want him. Clearly she wouldn't come back. Who would? A mad crazy killer after him? His father? His inner wolf? How many times...had she been able to leave him...and how many times had she really left him? Didn't he see? She wasn't going to leave him. She may have wanted t leave him...only for a few hours though. To kill Xavier. She would have come back. She always did. She would leave him...but only to return sooner or later. She couldn't stay with him, not every minute of every hour of every day of every month, within a year. She couldn't do that. She need room to fly. If only for a few hours. It was like when he needed his room...to be free...to run. She needed to fly.

How could he threaten her like that...if she left he wouldn't be waiting for her...she just...needed out. Afraid. She was afraid now. To leave him. In fear Xavier would get him, that he wouldn't come back...there were a lot of things that weren't clear to her...she just needed to sort them out. When things happened like this, they both lost it...and when everything was good again...they were both sane...they could think straight, it was...odd.

Sighing, one last look at the ring and she set it down by him. "I won't talk to you fine...but I'm not leaving you for the wolves either. You can't honestly think my judgment is THAT bad." She murmured now and with that put a few feet between them but other then that, she minded her own business running her hand over the ground and up popping little flowers. A mix of their flowers and flowers that grew best at night...in the moon. She knew he was able to heal himself. She'd seen him do it before...heal her...he could do it again. He just was refusing to this time.

[eryk]

Her words sounded nice and he wanted to be happy for her. To make everything better, but he was still mad. He sat and listened to her gentle words, and watched her with the ring box wishing he'd never thrown it at her. If he hadn't she would have left, and he wouldn't be feeling guilty right then. Not only did his heart hurt from the words she'd yelled at him but his body ached. As soon as she put the box down his hand wrapped around it. They weren't ready for marriage. Heck they might not be ready to be dating. They needed to take things slower and he needed to stop shoving marriage at her.

"Well, I'm going home. I'd like it...a lot... if you went home too, and not to go after Xavier." Left hand held to his chest he manuevered himself to his feet. Her flowers were so beautiful, something that had lured him to her in the first place. He started limping away not knowing what else to say or do that wouldn't make things worse. His knee was already starting to feel better and it would most likely be better by morning. Thank goodness for speedy lycan healing. The wrist would take longer because the bones had to fix themselves, but they'd be fine in a few days. The body would heal quickly but those words had cut deeper than anything she had ever said in the past. Her abandoning him so long ago had hurt worse but he'd been a complete mess then. Different circumstances cause for different reactions, different hurts.

"Oh, and please don't follow me, Cerridwen. I really need to...not talk to you right now." When he'd be able to talk to her he didn't know. Maybe a week tops. He'd cool down and go back to her and apologize but not yet. Love was still there because she hadn't left. The box had stopped that from happening. Not him, not his feelings for her, but a stupid box. A box he was going to give back to his father, and not ask for it again until he was completely certain Cerridwen wanted him. A week would be enough time for him to heal and for him to find Xavier again. A week would be enough time for him to get over this anger, and return to her. Hopefully this didn't cause her to reject him completely. Like he had threatened to do.

He didn't turn around, he didn't glance behind. For now he couldn't face her the way he was. What he needed was a long hot shower, and sleep. Mostly likely added into that mix would be his father lecturing him about his reckless actions, and for once Eryk was going to shock Cael by agreeing with him completely. One he wasn't ready for marriage. Two his actions were stupid and reckless. Three Cerridwen might not be meant for him.